What do I need to know about myself?

[uongshay]

Hey folks,
I like to think that I am a decent person, with morals and whatnot... However, sometimes the things that I do are questionable. Sure, everyone makes mistakes and I am no exception. Unfortunately, I recently had a massive conflict with someone very important to me. The ways in which she spoke of me was rather harsh. I am being treated very poorly by this person. Of course, I would like to think that I am in the right but a part of me also wonders, "Did I screw up? Do I deserve this?"

I am afraid that I am so blinded by my own perspective that I fail to see the fault in myself. At this point, I really wonder.. what kind of person am I? Was I really so horrific that I deserve this?

So I asked I Ching:
What do I need to know about myself?
40.2>16
I have no idea what this means.

 

[radiofreewill]

Hi uongshay,

Liberation from the three foxes of greed, hatred and delusion is a Joyful awakening.

You're being called to the spiritual quest.

According to the Yi, what you need to know about yourself is that the root of your suffering is deeper than just this relationship. It goes down to the core of how you relate to your experience, in general. So, the Yi is calling your attention to existential suffering ~ "Who am I, really? ~ which is lurking just below the surface of your relationship conflict.

Therefore, thanks to your massive difficulties with this woman, the door to the spiritual path of self-awareness is being opened to you, and the Yi says that this represents a similarly massive opportunity for you to realize enlightenment in this lifetime.

So, I recommend two resources for your consideration:

For understanding your impact on others, I have found the Tao of Birth Days to be incredibly useful ~ it's particularly good at helping you see your shadow side, and understanding the kinds of persons that your energy is likely to attract.

For gaining a clear understanding of the spiritual path of self-awareness, imvho, it just doesn't get any better than the Untethered Soul.

I hope this helps!

 

[moss elk]

Your reading is related exactly to that person and the situation because that is what was on your mind and prompted you to ask.
(Yi often addresses the situation as if the specific wording of the question did not matter)

Foxes don't like being killed and put in a bag.
And they don't like being dragged out into the light or called out on their schemes.

Would you give us a summary of what you did that got the strong reaction? I'm curious.

 

[uongshay]

Hey Elk,
It was basically a relationship that didn't work out. We failed to accommodate each other's needs and that often resulted in an argument. She felt that I was controlling and she felt that she needed her freedom. Long story short, I loved her and was alway extremely cautious and caring of her feelings. When we finally broke up, I felt I needed to own up to my mistakes and apologize for whatever made her felt uncomfortable. Unfortunately, the more I tried to do that, the worse she would treat me.
This entire thing baffles me. I don't understand how a relationship that I nurtured with all my heart, ended up in such a disgusting way. She speaks of me as if I had abused her. To be fair, she and I had many conflicting views and I was not always supportive of all her choices but SHE ALWAYS GETS HER WAY. I have always respected her decisions. However, the fact that I had expressed anger made her feel like I was controlling (I can see why she feels that way).
Anyway, I feel entirely blinded to right and wrong at this moment. Maybe I deserve it. I don't even know lol. If you have an idea of what Ching is trying to tell me, please let me know. I greatly appreciate it.

 

[moss elk]

When we finally broke up, I felt I needed to own up to my mistakes and apologize for whatever made her felt uncomfortable. Unfortunately, the more I tried to do that, the worse she would treat me.

So, let me get this right.
You two broke up.
Then when you tried to apologize for making her feel uncomfortable, she reacted badly.

Consider this: by accepting your apology, she would have to acknowledge that you made her feel uncomfortable.
This would mean she would have to acknowledge that she is not perfect and that she has issues and trigger points for them. Her foxes don't like being dragged into the light and only do so kicking and screaming.

You asking, 'did I deserve this treatment?'
And trying to apologize after the relationship ended are not the sort of things scoundrels do. They are the things that thoughtful and considerate people do.

 

[uongshay]

Thanks Elk.
I'll let the foxes run.

 

[Sixth Relative]

Hi uongshay

I am afraid that I am so blinded by my own perspective that I fail to see the fault in myself.

James DeKorne said about the 2nd line in hex 40: Bull’s-eye! – your suspicions are confirmed

I don't see this answer to be about HER foxes, but yours. Because you was afraid about failing to see your own fault and then it came hex 16 (it can be many times a warning about self-delusion) and the 3 foxes.

Please, keep in mind that I'm not saying that you deserve any ill-treatment; I'm not saying that you are a bad person. I'm just saying that it seems that you do need to review your assessment of the situation.

For instance, if she said that you was controlling it's possible that what you see as asking forgiveness could be understood as not respecting her decision. I mean, sometimes asking forgiveness is asking forgiveness to prevent you to leave. You said that you expressed anger. That can be healthy if expressed in a mature way, but that could be physical or moral violence if not expressed well.

Again, I hope you don't misunderstand me, I'm not accusing you of anything; just giving you food for thouht.

Best wishes

 

[uongshay]

I totally understand what you're saying. I have apologized to her very sincerely, whether it was my fault or hers. I'm sure there is fault in both of us, more or less. I took ownership of my part (not that it would make anything better but just out of respect and love for her). Regardless, the response that I got was absolute disconnect and annoyance. I replied with a thank you (I'm not being sarcastic here). I decided to leave it at that. I don't think there's much I can do, if anything at all.
I'm sure I deserve at least some, if not all of this. It's alright, I am not afraid of the consequences to my own actions
All is passed. Thank you for your response, I appreciate it.