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What do I need to stop doubting myself and get in line with my Tao? 37.4 changing to 13 teice

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FoxChiron

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I just received this reading twice in a row for two questions. I’ve posted twice before about what the situation in my life is, generally speaking I’ve been dealing with a lot of childhood trauma and it’s consequences, including a lot of the mistakes that my inability to see clearly has led me into.

The trouble I’m having the past few days is that I’m off work, but I feel totally locked into my apartment but even more restrictively than that, into my own head. It feels like I am trapped in going around in circles in my mind, and I can’t think of any action to take that isn’t immediately attacked by self doubt. I can’t go anywhere because I don’t have money to spend, I can’t just relax because that feels like ignoring the problems in my life and wasting time when there should be something productive to do, every direction I turn in feels totally blocked and restricted. My family and friends are all busy and not interested in interaction today so I can’t get outside myself by talking to someone else.

I’m engaged enough in the Work to understand that this isn’t a meaningless state of being. I just can’t figure out how to stop being crippled like this, and sitting in thinking in circles is not getting me anywhere but into a sense of impotent frustration. I want to open to the patience and acceptance that this time seems to be asking of me but there is something in me that is blocking that.

I asked what I need to become confident in myself and my choices and stop being so crippled by doubt and fear, and I received the line 37.4, which speaks about a feminine figure who is “the treasure of the house” and can manage the resources of a household, in that way becoming it’s true treasure. Some translations seem to more generally say benefiting the family.

A few minutes later I was listening to Alan Watts talking about personal guilt, and he made a point about how striving too hard for what we want is exactly why we don’t get it. I got frustrated on hearing this, and thought that there are people all around every day who go after what they want and get it as a reward for their dedication. I asked what the difference is in me that prevents me from being able to meet my goals and received the same line, 37.4

All I can really get out of it is that it’s an admonishment for not taking good care of my finances, and being impulsive, rather than like the woman pictured in the line. It’s frustrating because there is no clear way to rectify the situation, money has never been easy for me to get or keep a hold of, no matter what I choose. When I try to do the right thing, somehow something comes along and any money I thought I could save has to be spent. Right now I’m in a position where I may end up homeless unless things work out exactly how I am hoping.

I don’t understand the relating hex here either, because I’m completely shut out of social life lately and any attempt I make to change that fails.


Trojina and others have given me some valuable perspective on the way I look at myself and my life, I just don’t know what this missing piece is.
 

MuddyMac

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37.4 Enriching your home…..home can mean many things, where do you live? From what you have written it seems like you are living inside your head. Get out of your head, do whatever you can to interrupt the negative monkey mind. Meditate, or do something else that requires focus like a craft, make a gratitude journal etc. I hope this helps.
 

redoleander

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One thing I would consider if it’s drawing you back to the same topic of the first time you received the answer. Not sure if the was the first question or the second for which you received 37.4. I would pay attention to whatever the first question you asked was and stick with that until you resolve it.

37.4 might be about really investing in what you do have, tangibly. “The grass is greener where you water it” essentially. I would think maybe you’re investing precious energy in what if’s or should haves when you could be feathering your own nest. Maybe start doing that in small ways, investing in right where you currently are since that’s the only place you can start from anyway.
 

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