What he wants to tell me with this message? 31.3 And what should be the appropriate answer? 24.1.2

[Lagartija]

I am wondering what is the appropriate response to a message I just receive from this person. We met online, is a long distance connection, after a while I visit him and we spend a week together. All good, all very new, very inconclusive. A month after the visit, he behaves careless, so I inquired what's going on. He is unsure about his feelings, contradictory in what he wants from this connection, and I got hurt. Nothing original here.
All of that was last week, so I am bit sad, a bit upset, wanting to move on and at the same time wishing a reconciliation.
Now, over the blue and unrelated to our last tense interaction, he send an old pic of Tolstoi. Literature was our first common theme to talk about, the thing that make us connect.


What he wants to tell me with this message?
31.3- 45: My understanding is that he is contacting me moved by desire, a not very noble one. (such a pity to use the image of Tolstoi to cover selfish intentions!)


What should be the appropriate answer?
24.1.2- 7 : I need a bit of help with this. Do I return to myself? Answering nothing and keep center on my own direction? or this is all too recent, it was a small transgression and I can give another chance to communication?
Perhaps I just answer, with caution and circumspect allowing things to just be normal, release the tension and keep in check expectations.

 

[Trojina]

If he wants to communicate he could do so clearly and properly rather than send a picture of Tolstoi! I think in your shoes I'd write back and ask 'why did you send me a picture of Tolstoi, I'm not sure what you're saying?'


At a guess though, Yi aside, I feel he's trying to open a line of connection that absolves him of all responsibility. That is he wants you to reply without it looking like he's making a move so he can keep the connection whilst continuing to act like a flake. On second thoughts in your shoes I wouldn't reply to this silly cryptic game. It's a danger for you because he's trying to draw you back in while at the same time not offering you anything real.

What should be the appropriate answer?
24.1.2- 7 : I need a bit of help with this. Do I return to myself? Answering nothing and keep center on my own direction? or this is all too recent, it was a small transgression and I can give another chance to communication?
Perhaps I just answer, with caution and circumspect allowing things to just be normal, release the tension and keep in check expectations.

24.1 generally shows one made some kind of error but not so bad it cannot be easily returned from. The difficulty for me is to know whether that means the issue between you can be easily resolved OR he was the mistake you made. 24.2, a very restful peaceful line suggests you return to yourself I feel.

What he wants to tell me with this message?
31.3- 45: My understanding is that he is contacting me moved by desire, a not very noble one. (such a pity to use the image of Tolstoi to cover selfish intentions!)

Yes, not very high motives it seems.

I cannot judge what he feels of course but I really cannot see why you would bother with a man who sends a picture of Tolstoi instead of a genuine and direct communication after he has has upset you and made you sad. It would be better for him to say he is sorry or show more care, not send a stupid picture that you don't even know what it means. Are you meant to guess?

 

[rosada]

Do I understand correctly that he only sent the picture and no comment? That sounds to me like he is trying to back track to where your friendship was before he became confused about it. Like he's sexually attracted (31.3) but he wants to maintain a sense of the relationship being just a group friends getting together (45). "Friends with benefits" as the saying goes.
How should you respond? 24.1 Says you haven't gone too far with the relationship and you can easily step back to being just friends (chalk up that week as being a foolish fling) but 24.2 emphasizes that you shouldn't have any illusions that this "starting over" will grow into a commited partnership. 7. The Army emphasizes being clear about your territory, your rules.

If you do want to go back to your shared interest in literature why not send him a similarly vague email, like a picture of Dickens with no comment?

 

[Liselle]

While trying and failing to have a thought here, I found a link in WikiWing (a subscription area of Clarity) to a blog article Hilary wrote that's entirely about 31.3. Maybe it'll be helpful.

A 'cello-related reading

I've left a longer gap between posts here than I intended, mostly because March has been very full of ’cello-y things. Still, there's a reading from one of these that cast a new light on Hexagram 31 line 3 for me, so I can at least share that with you...The background: I'd signed up months ago for

www.onlineclarity.co.uk

 

[Lagartija]

While trying and failing to have a thought here, I found a link in WikiWing (a subscription area of Clarity) to a blog article Hilary wrote that's entirely about 31.3. Maybe it'll be helpful.

A 'cello-related reading

I've left a longer gap between posts here than I intended, mostly because March has been very full of ’cello-y things. Still, there's a reading from one of these that cast a new light on Hexagram 31 line 3 for me, so I can at least share that with you...The background: I'd signed up months ago for

www.onlineclarity.co.uk

Thank you Liselle, this article brings another quality indeed.

Is almost as if this 31.3, this picture without text, after an awkward silence, potentially the end of contact, is just trying to be spontaneous (sharing an image) and careful of what to say and what not to say - no text -. As if he was saying: "Hey, remember I am also the guy you use to talk about books, I am not just messy". But the end result is clumsy, because the situation is still fresh and because it was shameful the way he handled it. Uhmm

 

[Lagartija]

If he wants to communicate he could do so clearly and properly rather than send a picture of Tolstoi! I think in your shoes I'd write back and ask 'why did you send me a picture of Tolstoi, I'm not sure what you're saying?'


At a guess though, Yi aside, I feel he's trying to open a line of connection that absolves him of all responsibility. That is he wants you to reply without it looking like he's making a move so he can keep the connection whilst continuing to act like a flake. On second thoughts in your shoes I wouldn't reply to this silly cryptic game. It's a danger for you because he's trying to draw you back in while at the same time not offering you anything real.



24.1 generally shows one made some kind of error but not so bad it cannot be easily returned from. The difficulty for me is to know whether that means the issue between you can be easily resolved OR he was the mistake you made. 24.2, a very restful peaceful line suggests you return to yourself I feel.

Yes, not very high motives it seems.

I cannot judge what he feels of course but I really cannot see why you would bother with a man who sends a picture of Tolstoi instead of a genuine and direct communication after he has has upset you and made you sad. It would be better for him to say he is sorry or show more care, not send a stupid picture that you don't even know what it means. Are you meant to guess?

And yet my answer to him is Returning, exactly what my inner little ego wants, returning to a loving exchange that was there before, even when the only little trigger of hope is a lazy 31.3 with no text. I need to chew on 24 a little bit more.

Agree in all, spot on. Thank you Trojina for sharing and reflecting with me.

 

[Liselle]

There might also be an idea in Hilary's post that some clumsiness can't be helped when you're pulled in two directions.

On the other hand, as other people have rightly said, what he did was really odd. Yi calls it "shameful." Then again, shame isn't pitfall.

I share Trojina's confusion about the 24 reading. What the options might have in common is to take your time. 7, in the background, the army, might mean you feel like settling this right away, but 24 says not to:

"Returning, creating success.
Going out, coming in, without anxiety.
Partners come, not a mistake.
Turning around and returning on your path.
The seventh day comes, you return.
Fruitful to have a direction to go."

Without anxiety, not in a hurry. 24's the shortest day of the year. There will be more daylight every day after it. But it's gradual and can't be rushed, so you're best off letting it take its time.

The moving lines support that. Sometimes a line will be an exception to the hexagram, like "This hexagram is about not hurrying - oh, except in this one line you just cast." 24.1 and 24.2 aren't like that. You're not far off track (whatever track it might be), so just rest.