What if i extend my stay? 12.3 >33. help?

[elizabeth]

I asked this subsequent to another question but didn't post it initially because I dismissed the answer. Now the question is back in my head so I want to see what the Yi said to me.

Should I extend my stay (to stay in this foreign country with my boyfriend longer)? The other option is to leave the already-once-changed plane tx as they are. I should add that what medical and other news I learn in the next 8 weeks will also affect this outcome but I'm asking this now mostly metaphysically, big picture, presuming all else is normal and equal.

For 12.3 there is discussion of shame. Discussion of repetence. Discussion of one person hiding or shying away. I dont know if thats me or the boyfriend now, as we just lost a pregnancy at 3 mos. At present time, (past 3 days) he is not with me physically (not physically present nearby), and he isn't calling so maybe it is he who is hiding, altho i asked this question prior to that.

But regarding STAYING or LEAVING I am not sure what 12.3 to 33 says. 33 is retreat (leave)...but its not clear *when*. Help?

 

[Trojina]

Most often 12.3 shows that one feels some embarrassment, feels bashful or inadequate over something...it's just pointing at a feeling that may be underlying decisions. I tend to feel when one gets 12.3 it's good to look inside and see where we are feeling this shame and if it holds us back.


I've no idea how this feeling may be affecting your plans....but it is worth helping yourself out of a pattern of feeling a hidden secret shame. You have nothing to feel shame for....so don't let it influence you in subtle ways.

Also 12.3 can be old fashioned bashfulness about saying what you want, self consciousness....again no idea how this would affect your plans...but I think Yi may be suggesting you look to see if the feeling of shame is influencing you where it shouldn't be. OTOH is there anything you do feel ashamed of in dealing with your boyfriend and your travel plans....? I think it's a neutral line telling you feel shame....or someone else does. How does that shame affect things ? Is the shame well founded or not ?

 

[elizabeth]

Hi Trojan,
Thanks for the reply. I am stumped honestly> I don't feel shame that I'm aware of. I feel anger/sadness/frustration but not shame. I dont know if my boyfriend feels shame but I highly doubt it. Usually nothing is his fault His attitude about the loss was "well it happens so forget and move on." I really am lost with this pair of hexes...

 

[elizabeth]

Addendum: I have to say this. If i imagine myself leaving on the current tx (August)... I would feel shame going HOME as if I failed.. I went on this trip and I had this great luck and then it all literally died inside me. So I failed, and I"d feel shame about that. whereas if i stay i feel like i can keep trying and somehow "redeem myself" wit the universe.
But i cant say I feel shame now -- just saying it could be projected shame *in the case that* I get on the plane in 2 mos time and there's no further...conception...