What is the future of this relationship?

[arabella]

I'd asked a question a few threads down from here about a relationship. On that thread -- maybe because I asked about the other person's feelings rather than my own, which of course it is impossible to speculate about -- I found myself somehow struggling to explain things I can't explain, everything off on a tangent, and overemphasizing one confusing aspect of what is otherwise a very good association with someone. And the more I tried to defend my one concern in the matter the more that got blown out of proportion until I didn't recognise our relationship at all anymore. So I'm putting that to the side and starting again with a better question as Rosada recommended.

Knowing that this fellow and I are very much interested in each other and basically have a lovely time together -- I cast again in keeping with what Rosada was suggesting, to ask "What is the future of this relationship?"

Result: Hexagram 30.2.5 becoming Hexagram 1.

I'm never sure about Hexagram 30, but it sounds like an opportunity is there in an unusual way. Interesting that the fifth line mentions mourning in a way that would seem to be a catalyst, because that was my concern in the first place, that he is still in mourning and yet trying to have something apart from that with me, which can be hard on both of us I believe. However, it seems that mourning is cast here as a positive force or one that ends well if i read this correctly. An unusual combination of events.

The context as Hex 1 would appear to be a creative resolution. That's actually how it feels -- emotional, difficult, but ultimately positive and like the present obstacle -- somehow -- can be resolved because otherwise we both miss out on what could be a bright future.

As mentioned, I've never really understood Hexagram 30 very well, which I understand as an opportunity to seize or the sum of small things becoming great?

"Seizing the bright bird of opportunity" as LiSe says rings some bells and I suppose it's knowing when that moment is that matters most.

 

[goddessliss]

Hey arabella,

It's is basically saying if you remove the desire of your 'ego'(sh... I hate that) and just allow things to flow in moderation you will find peace in yourself and you will find he will overcome the grief he is now in conflict with in his heart - thereby you find Clarity. This will also take away the pressure of wanting things to be how you want them to be - clearly you have had a 'bloody' life - me too but comparing it to others' lives is not right.
You now have a man who maybe hasn't had it so bad but this must mean that you are attracting something you know you can have yourself, and so ease into the beauty that surrounds him that is irrevelant to his grief but also without his grief he could not understand you. Liss xx

 

[anemos]

my impression is that 30.5 talks about your grief not his.

 

[arabella]

my impression is that 30.5 talks about your grief not his.

Fascinating Anemos that you have just said this, because my psychologist friend JUST said the same thing on the telephone. There is a twist here that I never considered, thinking I'd "handled" it all long ago. The psychologist says I just repressed the grief, that I am petrified at watching my friend and what I perceive to be dangerous vulnerability that he displays just wherever he wants. Any time I've ever held my heart in my hands in the presence of anyone else it has been spit on, cut in half and soundly trounced. Vulnerability terrifies me. And that includes trying to process grief and being told to get on with it or I'd lose my job, my mind, my home, whatever there is to lose.

What the psychologist has suggested to me is that, if I can go through this with this fella, trust the process a bit and see that it works out, I could resolve so much of my own past. And, at the same time, he will recover in safety too. Amazing. I'd have never thought of it. Wouldn't that be just incredible?

PS...It's astonishing how different I feel in the past half hour; to understand where this was coming from. I had no idea how much anxiety was built up over this. The psychologist gave me an image to think about -- seeing my friend on the edge of a cliff, taking such an enormous chance of feeling SO bad -- and in public. Inside I was SURE he would be pushed off and, thinking I would "save" him, I really wanted him to stand somewhere else, to get away from the edge of vulnerability and be "alright." Now that i get it, I know what i should do. And I'm SO glad I kept going with this and didn't just give up, thinking I was a louse of some sort.

 

[anemos]

I had never noticed before how 30 talks about death and losses in some lines in a implicit way in other in an explicit on. Logs become fire, fire becomes something else and something else.... and something else.

Line 30.5 occurs to me as an allowance to grief. Like Yi says to you " its ok to cry, its ok to be vulnerable". Something we many times don't allow it to ourselves or people around us don't "allow" us to express it. Also line 30.2 reminds the golden mean, works on those things not from an extreme point but closer to the mean.

 

[rodaki]

There is a twist here that I never considered, thinking I'd "handled" it all long ago. The psychologist says I just repressed the grief, that I am petrified at watching my friend and what I perceive to be dangerous vulnerability that he displays just wherever he wants. Any time I've ever held my heart in my hands in the presence of anyone else it has been spit on, cut in half and soundly trounced. Vulnerability terrifies me. And that includes trying to process grief and being told to get on with it or I'd lose my job, my mind, my home, whatever there is to lose.

There' s a riveting book by Peter Levine on this, called 'Waking the tiger', check it out when you have the time, it can be a real open-eyer . .
btw, and with all due respect for your experience and hardships, I didn't find anything blown out of proportion in your other thread, just a wholly different perspective opened up . . your true feeling about this person might not be resentment but I also felt your posts expressed a lot of discontent towards the situation -which I think was an important step in reaching the realization you just did . . in any case, being resentful doesn't show a less-than-empathic person, only an angry or disappointed one . . not facing that is where the real damage can occur I think . .

As to your reading, I thought it interesting that it is about 'care of the cow' and you said he is a Taurus . . there is a nurturing exchange of energies in 30 which can prove to be very creative. Line 2 could also be suggesting to be very clear with him about how you perceive your exchange, so you can share points of view . . taking things slow and steady is also big with Tauruses

wishing you well!

 

[arabella]

Thanks too, Goddessliss, "bloody" is a good word.

I've been thinking about this word "ego" because it comes up so many places in interpretation of the Yi and perhaps it doesn't necessary mean that we are feeling "self important" in some way.

Often I can see it as relying too much on mental logic and ignoring feeling -- not purposely but just because it seems more obvious. Like, if there isn't a rational reason then there is no solution. And it's so easy to get ahold of a problem by that end and wrestle and wrestle with it, only for the Yi to stay stop analyzing and feel what is wrong, all the arguments you are making aren't informing you, stop your brain and the answer will emerge.

 

[arabella]

There' s a riveting book by Peter Levine on this, called 'Waking the tiger', check it out when you have the time, it can be a real open-eyer . .
btw, and with all due respect for your experience and hardships, I didn't find anything blown out of proportion in your other thread, just a wholly different perspective opened up . . your true feeling about this person might not be resentment but I also felt your posts expressed a lot of discontent towards the situation -which I think was an important step in reaching the realization you just did . . in any case, being resentful doesn't show a less-than-empathic person, only an angry or disappointed one . . not facing that is where the real damage can occur I think . .

As to your reading, I thought it interesting that it is about 'care of the cow' and you said he is a Taurus . . there is a nurturing exchange of energies in 30 which can prove to be very creative. Line 2 could also be suggesting to be very clear with him about how you perceive your exchange, so you can share points of view . . taking things slow and steady is also big with Tauruses

wishing you well!

I'll look for the book. Now that i realise what was going on, it's very exciting to think I could do something to change it. Yes, he is a Taurus, and the first Taurus I've ever been interested in. He even kind of "lumbers" and he's a Ferdinand type bull who loves music and flowers. Hugged me the other day, got a bit flustered, turned around and crashed straight into the china closet knocking over every ornament and plate. Yes, "care of the bull" is what it is. And he takes his time and I'm lightning fast in comparsion, but I like it. I like the fact that he is so steady and thinks it through and that, once he's in motion, whatever is supposed to happen gets done without exception. He's reliable. And figuring all of this out -- finally -- makes me like him even more.

I can honestly say, I'm really not resentful of him or his situation and much of what was "disappointing" me I can suddenly understand more clearly -- and it's ok. He's a really nice guy and I think the only deterrent was my wanting to escape this thing of mourning. It wasn't like I was angry or dissatisfied, it's just that he had to stop mourning because I just couldn't take listening to it. It was raising my anxiety to unbearable levels. So I was coming up with ALL the reasons that he really shouldn't have to do it. Which had nothing to do with him and everything to do with my anxiety that is leftover from past experiences that I just didn't resolve because there was no time or place maybe -- but just as much because I wasn't aware of it being there stuck in the works and needing to go elsewhere. I thought I was doing GREAT and that I always had; that I'd automatically coped and gone on. I just didn't realise I'd wallpapered over the whole thing. So, as you say Rodaki, thank heaven it got to me and I started to question what was going on. Now I can get rid of it and really enjoy this relationship -- SCHWEW!

Now I can't wait to see him. I just feel so different about the situation. I can't believe it really. I wonder if he'll notice anything different, because I certainly feel like a black cloud is gone.

 

[goddessliss]

Yes arabella - I agree with what you say about the ego meaning. And that is what I meant when I say it, soz if it came across as you thought I meant self important. Nah! what you said using your logic instead of the Creative.
I think sometimes we just want what we want and what the hell why isn't this happening - well I can be like that anyway - I think I have learnt that from my teenage children! haha.
Anyway it's all a learning curve and it sounds like you have mad crush on each other so I hope it all works out. xx

 

[cristal]

What I understand is that there is a need for taking each step with inner guidance and then you will achieve success with your relationship.
But also say there is the danger of failing again, and to avoid that danger, you need to be very aware of every step you take, every word you say, so you dont get back to what produced the failure. You need to take continuosly inner action to strip things away and reveal the truth to yourself.Probably the clue to solve our problems is a truth, honest communication with ourselves and then with the other person, to correct mistakes as soon as they are produced, to be as much aware of everything so we really know the moment we say or do something the real reason of why we are doing it and we can re-wind and avoid conflicts before they start.

 

[rodaki]

Yes, he is a Taurus, and the first Taurus I've ever been interested in. He even kind of "lumbers" and he's a Ferdinand type bull who loves music and flowers. Hugged me the other day, got a bit flustered, turned around and crashed straight into the china closet knocking over every ornament and plate.

sweet! -gives a whole new meaning to the phrase 'like a bull in a china shop', huh . .

I'm really happy you feel better about this Arabella and I hope things work out to the best for you!
I had a similar realization to yours once when a friend told me that I was treating their hard times too lightly or superficially, not respecting the reality of their experience . . it was trying to see that foreign point of view while knowing I tend to take on others' heartache unto myself more than I should that it hit me - I didn't want to share that view cause I was afraid it would catapult me back to the core of the things i was trying to escape from . . that was a difficult but important thing to see, that sometimes my desire to feel ok, or even, to help others feel ok too, was becoming a coping-thru-avoiding mechanism . . good stuff!


p.s: oh, and btw, it's always good to be reminded that when I'm tired I tend to write things the other way round or make new words ("open-eyer"??? hm! )

 

[arabella]

Thanks Rodaki, it really is an eye-opener [tee hee hee -- I do that too, I'm majorly dyslexic tho!]. Until speaking to my psychologist buddy, I never realised that what I felt was anxiety, but as soon as he said it, I could feel how true it was. Watching somebody go through that is a "nail-biter" for me, right on the edge of my chair, scared witless. It apparently goes way way way back to not having parents who were able to care for me -- my Dad was perpetually on business in some other country and I was the "Mom" to my mother rather than the other way around, as she was very emotionally fragile. So you just learn to "gut it up" since there is nobody to listen to how you feel anyway. And it becomes a lifetime habit and you just think it's the WAY, because there is no other way. Meeting somebody who feels quite free to emote about their loss is probably an opportunity to learn a lot, but it's also going to mean that I have to remind myself over and over again that it's ok, no reason to panic, and that it's not up to me to fix it, just let him deal with it. And if it brings up "stuff" for me, I will survive I'd imagine because he's not stranger to feeling whatever he feels and saying so. What a revelation.

 

[rodaki]