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What should be my relationship with X?

ariel13

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What should be my relationship with this X? I got 53.4.5 changing to 56.

We've been around and around. There's love there, but I feel we are diametrically opposed. My instinct is to cut him out. But I do love him. I told him it felt like it was getting to be an unhealthy exchange, so I need a break. I already miss him. I've had nightmares. The whole thing feels like a nightmare, draining. I don't know how to feel. I just want to bury my head in the sand. I know this isn't good for me. I know it's not totally his fault. There have been lots of triggers. He gets that. We have partially bonded on shared trauma. The relationship has teetered between friendship and romantic. It feels like it naturally is more romantic, but he hesitates and so I push him further away. I'm sick of it. At my rope's end. I want to make him leave me alone, but at the same time I care so I don't.

I feel like this is saying something like it's uncomfortable, but it would ultimately be fruitful to continue a relationship (not necessarily romantic). I feel like 56 is just saying that this is a situation that I am new to, so I don't know how to act. It's like this deep unconditional love, but I want more out of it. I think (know) he does too, but he thinks he's in a very bad spot for it.

My head gets it. My heart doesn't. I want to cut him out. But it feels mean and wrong. I don't know what to do. I don't feel like a big enough person, or healthy enough person to be his friend through this and hope for the best. It's brought up all this stuff for me.. I've gotten a lot of answers about this. I asked about his true feelings and got 11.2.5 more than once. I asked if I should remain his friend and got 1 unchanging. I've gotten 1 a lot. I feel like it's all pointing to the importance of maintaining some relationship, but I am so hurt and disappointed. It's a long story, but he was very romantic at first.

Any advice is appreciated.

:bows::weep:
 
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moss elk

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hi ariel,

if you include the related hexagrams,
people might reply to you.
 

ariel13

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hi ariel,

if you include the related hexagrams,
people might reply to you.

Sorry Moss Elk. I deleted my previous post, because I was over reacting due to being upset. Thanks for pointing out that I forgot to put the relating hex uptop. I updated the above post with the relating hex at the top.

Thanks for your response.

:bows:
 

rosada

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You asked how you "should" feel about your ex. 53.4.5 - 56 reads to me as if the I Ching is telling you how one should feel about a marital partner: together through thick and thin, 53.4 awkward times and 53.5 blissful times until death do you part 56. (56 meaning one of you is left to travel on alone) and since you don't feel this way about your X, in fact you are ambivalent if you want to be lovers at all, then I think the I Ching is alerting you that this man is not the right man for you.
 

ariel13

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Thanks for your response Rosada! Interesting though, I actually said "What should be my relationship with X" meaning more like, "what kind of relationship should I cultivate with him?" Maybe that was slightly poorly worded.

So your answer is extra interesting. You are right I am kind of ambivalent though. But that's, because he is telling me he can't be in a romantic relationship with me right now. So I'm questioning, because although I agree it's better for him to stay in therapy and work through some stuff for now– I feel a strong connection with him and don't want to give it up. He says he wants me to be his friend.

But it just feels like far more than friendship, so I'm having a hard time maintaining a friendship with him. He is very confusing too. He's very chivalrous, always paying for things, and we have had some affectionate (physically) hangouts. Then he also is that person who wants to talk things out all the time. He will never let me leave mad. We agreed that the physical stuff wasn't appropriate right now (after he initiated it). But then I vacillated and got upset.

I'm sure he sounds like a casanova, but he really isn't. He's charming, but I know there are real feelings there, and he's trying to save me from whatever weird trigger reactions he tends to have in relationships. Some of them were starting. I said I didn't judge him for it, but he thinks he is going to sabotage it if he doesn't spend some more time in therapy figuring it out. I respect that, and I want to respect his decision. But I can't wait around forever, I have to do my life you know? Especially because there are no promises he will figure it out.

The whole thing is extremely confusing also, because we met on a dating site originally, and he kissed me within 2 hours of our meeting. So we never had a friendship before. It was always romantic. And it felt like we were floating on this romantic cloud at first. Then we didn't see each other for months but talked a lot. I basically fell in love with him over the phone. We would talk for hours. It all felt so romantic. Then this big halt from him right before he was supposed to come visit.

He told me friendship is the only way he can "keep me." I'm glad he wants to keep me, but it feels like all too much for me. I told him I need a break, because this is too draining.

Anyway, you could be right that he's not the guy for me. That's my main question/concern, because I think in something healthy you ideally meet at the right timing, and this timing is not right at all of course. But another part of me feels head over heels for him and wants to fight for it. Like you said, through thick and through thin.

I'll see him tomorrow before he goes home (to another country). He will likely be back soon enough though (maybe a month or two). Maybe that will be the break we need for some perspective, it's certainly a deep connection if not the "right" one.

Thanks for your insights. I did do a casting today asking what the likelihood is that we will end up as a couple and received 50 unchanging. I suppose it could mean, keep the pot on the boil OR the stew is in there and yummy, but it may go unused since the hex is unchanging. Sigh. I know I just need some perspective, and things will be ok. But I have to wait for that too.

Thanks again for your comments.

:bows:
 

rosada

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Ah - thanks for this explanation. Well...as your actual question was "what kind of a relationship should I cultivate with him?" I now see the hexagrams from a new perspective. Interesting he is leaving the country for a month or more - fits with 56. The Traveler. btw, I don't see 56. as meaning this is a situation you are new to - although certainly The Traveler visits new places that are unfamiliar, - so much as it is emphasizing the idea that people move on. (Whether that be now or 70 years from now) So I see it as a caution about bonding with someone, a caution that ultimately you will 56, move on. So perhaps you are being advised that as you consider what kind of relationship to be cultivating here it is good to consider that - much as you love the guy - if you are wanting to eventually be in a romantic relationship with someone, having an ambivalent friend around will limit you. So if he's not interested in partnership then it's better to firmly put the brakes on any hanky-panky.
On a more positive note, perhaps the I Ching here is telling you HOW to cultivate the relationship. 50uc and 1uc sound like something that has potential. Perhaps this 56 time apart is what's necessary to clear your mind and heart to be able to see if that potential is real.
 

ariel13

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Ah - thanks for this explanation. Well...as your actual question was "what kind of a relationship should I cultivate with him?" I now see the hexagrams from a new perspective. Interesting he is leaving the country for a month or more - fits with 56. The Traveler. btw, I don't see 56. as meaning this is a situation you are new to - although certainly The Traveler visits new places that are unfamiliar, - so much as it is emphasizing the idea that people move on. (Whether that be now or 70 years from now) So I see it as a caution about bonding with someone, a caution that ultimately you will 56, move on. So perhaps you are being advised that as you consider what kind of relationship to be cultivating here it is good to consider that - much as you love the guy - if you are wanting to eventually be in a romantic relationship with someone, having an ambivalent friend around will limit you. So if he's not interested in partnership then it's better to firmly put the brakes on any hanky-panky.
On a more positive note, perhaps the I Ching here is telling you HOW to cultivate the relationship. 50uc and 1uc sound like something that has potential. Perhaps this 56 time apart is what's necessary to clear your mind and heart to be able to see if that potential is real.

Thanks Rosada. Yeah that makes sense. That's funny I never read the traveler as someone moving on, but that makes sense also. And I agree having an ambivalent friend around is not conducive to finding a partner. The thing is that it's not that he doesn't want a relationship, I think he just literally can't right now. He said it's not forever, but he doesn't know how long. I'm wondering if maybe even his therapist told him not to. He's dealing with some complex stuff. That's partly where we get each other, because I've dealt with similar issues.

But yeah, no hanky panky really.. just a lot of cuddling, like laying in bed for hours and cuddling and talking, which to me is more confusing than sex might have been! But anyway, there again confusing and not appropriate for a friendship. I agree some time apart will be good. I need to get him off of my mind.. He moved our meeting today to tomorrow. I'm nervous it won't go well. I told him I wanted to talk to him again before he leaves, because I was upset when we talked last.

I asked what will happen with our relationship in the future and got 49.5 to 55. I guess it will be a radical change and maybe an eclipse or something I can't see. Or maybe it's just saying that I need to make a radical change and stop putting so much energy into it. I do have other suitors. No one that I like very much. But yeah it's hard to shift my focus. I feel bad I've barely been texting the other people back I'm just talking to the iching about this guy all day lol. I am going on a small vacation with a bunch of friends later this week, so hopefully I can get back to sanity.

Thank you again for talking with me Rosada. :bows:
 

ariel13

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Oh by the way Rosada, I clicked your link and looked at your blog. I see you are an astrology person. So maybe it will make sense to you when I tell you that I finally did his chart. Funny enough I had done it before but had the birth year wrong. When I did it again, I saw that we have a south node conjunction– my moon on his south node. Seems to make perfect sense to me. :brickwall::weep:
 

rosada

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The south node represents the past, where you're coming from, and the Moon represents the emotions and what you respond to. So Moon conjunct the south node might indicate your recognizing your bonding because of your similar past experiences but it could also represent a never ending holding pattern, a feeling of stuck in the past, nothing coming of all the talk, an addiction..
 

ariel13

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The south node represents the past, where you're coming from, and the Moon represents the emotions and what you respond to. So Moon conjunct the south node might indicate your recognizing your bonding because of your similar past experiences but it could also represent a never ending holding pattern, a feeling of stuck in the past, nothing coming of all the talk, an addiction..

Exactly! My take on it as well. It feels that way. Also holding me back from spiritual progress and maybe the same for him but very emotional with the moon involved. And yep a feeling almost like we are twins separated in a past life lol. Or lovers from a past life, but the moon sometimes points to a mother/child relationship. Back to the weird dreams I've been having. One where he was a small child that I had to lock out of a large gate surrounding my house. I dreamed that right around the time he arrived here to visit. So strange. I called him the next day to ask him if he felt I had shut him out in some way. But yeah ultimately I know these connections can be binding but definitely also situations where you feel "stuck in a holding pattern" as you say. Like we could go round and round. It wasn't resolved in a past life, and it won't be now. Good to be familiar the pitfalls here at least. I've had south node connections with lovers before. I also dreamed I was in bed with my sister and wrestling a small tiger lol. Maybe the tiger was my physical desire. The sister thing is just like yeah he's this person I have almost a familial connection with.. I also dreamed that my Grandmother (now passed) was telling me "No no no no no! I don't want to hear anymore about him!" And I was chasing her to explain. hahaha so funny. My dream life has been really active since this interaction has happened. Go figure.
 

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