What should I do? 54.2.6

[Topher]

I have started talking to someone and she seems to like me and I am not sure but if she says she wants me I can't reject her I have been trying to talk to her to have a date and I assume we might have one in a week or soso I have to. Clear some details she somehow has some similarities with the girl I had a short dating period and wanted to marry but they are different in personality tho both experienced abused in their childhood and her mother doesn't care much about her compared to the love she has for her ex which is still having an affair with this girl's mother in an extramarital affairsiasked a couple of questions

But I asked "show me an image of what should I do?"
54.2.6>21

54.2 I am not seeing something (yeah of course I am not I am not allmigthy)
54.6 something I am trying to do ha no purpose
21 this brings me to a hard choice to bite through (if keep trying to contact that other girl which will have some sort of problem with her relationship as of now or try this relationship)

Worth noting that both have the same traumatic experience in their childhood,I meet them and both started to show affection towards me as soon as 2days we started to write,both have a mother which doesn't seem to care much about them, both still have trauma from their past ironically I met them and I didn't feel anything for neither of them at the beginning

 

[rosada]

54.2 It's not clear (perhaps because you don't know her too well) so..
54.6 deleted.
21. There are very real issues here that need to be acknowledged and dealt with.

I find your statement, "if she says she wants me I can't reject her" disturbing.
---
Oops, I misread 54.6 as 54.4

 

[Topher]

54.2 It's not clear (perhaps because you don't know her too well) so.. 54.6 Give it time. 21. There are very real issues here that need to be acknowledged and dealt with. I find your statement, "if she says she wants me I can't reject her" disturbing.

and dealt Would you reject someone who tells you who wants you who believes that you are their other half and need affection? also I think i might be good for her since I might care for her since her mother doesnt care much about her her mother rather prefer to complain that she isnt in a relationship with her boyfriend anymore and that her daughter is the culprit

I have to admit that I am codependent and I might be attracted to relationships where I need to take care of someone becuase I want them to feel fine and be happy and that's what she wants to be happy

I mean if i rejected her it would make her feel awful, she told me things as of 5days of talking, but I notice that mmm she has been connnected to after we stopped talking in a dating app.. that doesnt seem like a good sign. it isn't like I am inlove but I am willing to if that makes her good, lastly my own happinness might depend on someone's else happiness so why not share the same pursuit for happinness together?

PS. thank you for your insight of the lines

 

[redoleander]

54.2 You don't know have all the information you need yet. (Since you asked for a picture, I think this could also represent you moving along not really able to see or understand where you are going yet.)
54.6 Perhaps you or she are just going through the motions, acting on habit and instinct and patterning, but without enough behind it to make it fruitful in the end.
21. The truth is there waiting for you to see

Lines 2 and 6 together, to me, paint the picture of a very unconscious and automatic connection being formed, one that cannot generate much genuine or positive. Think about what is really behind the desire to make this connection.

 

[diamant]

both have the same traumatic experience in their childhood

The majority of people experienced trauma in childhood, it's so common.
This doesn't give the right to anyone to behave needy or badly to others in adulthood.
Not a good idea to become her 'mother'.

 

[Topher]

The majority of people experienced trauma in childhood, it's so common.
This doesn't give the right to anyone to behave needy or badly to others in adulthood.
Not a good idea to become her 'mother'.

lol well I cant be more specific but I mean i think you are right

I feel so let down about her choice, she rather went to a beach trip with her high school parnets who have graduated 1 year after her and she rather want to do this than have a date with me

I feel dissapointed that she preferred doing this, instead being clear. also keeps lying about not being in the city obviously she because she told me earlier she was going to a part of the city earlier yesterday

I dont even know why i waste my time wih her anyway

I think iching is telling me that there are more priorities in her life and I dont see them I think she would like to have a relationship only because she tells me things but she very well could be just needy emotionally, I hate when people prioritizes friends over someone you supposedly love because shows how much interest you have in them

I havent felt this dissapointed before

 

[diamant]

show me an image of what should I do? 54.2.6 > 21
54.2 Even if you can't fully know what's happening, you've got a fair idea (you said her actions show she prefers others, and she lies to you, so, that's enough info).
54.6 This 'marriage' is empty, fake, not real.
21 be ruthless and split from her, cut her off.

I can totally understand you feel very hurt.
However, what matters more than anything is actions.
Despite of how you feel, you know she's wrong for you, cut her off.

 

[Topher]

show me an image of what should I do? 54.2.6 > 21
54.2 Even if you can't fully know what's happening, you've got a fair idea (you said her actions show she prefers others, and she lies to you, so, that's enough info).
54.6 This 'marriage' is empty, fake, not real.
21 be ruthless and split from her, cut her off.

I can totally understand you feel very hurt.
However, what matters more than anything is actions.
Despite of how you feel, you know she's wrong for you, cut her off.

I agree with you I mean I feel iching is telling me this is going no where because she kept telling excuses and then seeem to want to delay a meeting between us.. and yes continueing with her is like doing something without real purpose, I am astosnished how accurate this is.
I mean i also asked an example of how our relationship would be like 37.3 and I dont think this sounds good for anyone

 

[becalm]

The majority of people experienced trauma in childhood, it's so common.
This doesn't give the right to anyone to behave needy or badly to others in adulthood.
Not a good idea to become her 'mother'.

This is true but Topher has readily admitted he likes being in co dependent relationships. The problem isn't really with this woman, it's with Topher.

I have to admit that I am codependent and I might be attracted to relationships where I need to take care of someone becuase I want them to feel fine and be happy and that's what she wants to be happy

 

[diamant]

@becalm he did say that he's attracted to codependency, but it doesn't sound like he likes it - as he's writing so many complaints about the situation (and rightly so). I get the impression that Topher realises that this is harmful to him (Topher correct me if I got this wrong).

Codependency is currently used to mean a relationship in which one person gives a lot, and the other one gives back crumbs. The codependent is a slave and servant of the other. Such a position is dangerous, because the servant always ends up heart-broken, which is damaging to the emotional and physical health of the person.

 

[becalm]

@becalm he did say that he's attracted to codependency, but it doesn't sound like he likes it - as he's writing so many complaints about the situation (and rightly so). I get the impression that Topher realises that this is harmful to him (Topher correct me if I got this wrong).

My point being....If you're codependent, you'll always be complaining about a situation with another in a relationship. Right or not. Until you change YOUR behaviour it's got absolutely nothing to do with the other person.

 

[diamant]

@becalm
How is it wrong to complain for being an unpaid servant?
The problem is not the complaining - the problem is being an unpaid servant.

 

[becalm]

@becalm
How is it wrong to complain for being an unpaid servant?
The problem is not the complaining - the problem is being an unpaid servant.

Yes that's what I mean - stop being an unpaid servant and they'll be no reason to complain.

 

[Topher]

@becalm
How is it wrong to complain for being an unpaid servant?
The problem is not the complaining - the problem is being an unpaid servant.

If i dont get any recriprocal emotion to me, codependecy doesnt work, I need someone to express the same emotions I have otheriwise I dont want to love them unconditionally and my intuition tells me she isnt being honest when she tells me I love you, and I want you.

 

[rosada]

It's hard to give a true picture of one's situation using only words but the impression I'm getting here is that Topher is causing his own problems by wanting too much from this woman. He starts out by telling us "she seems to like me" and then how even though they haven't had a romantic relationship or even gone out on a date, he is entranced by her and he's talking about being willing to be devoted to her if she would only say she wants him but then we hear he's outraged and feeling betrayed because she would choose to go to a high school reunion beach party rather than go out with him. Hunh? Who would choose to bail on a high school reunion beach party to go out with some guy you could talk to at any other time? And did she really lie or was she simply refusing to give out more information? I mean, maybe she felt Topher was asking for too much. Just because she'd said she loved him this wouldn't necessarily mean she was agreeing to let him track her and to abandon all other friendships for him but maybe she realized Topher couldn't accept that and so she made up a story so as not to hurt his feelings. Bottom line, I think 21. encourages biting through these misconceptions. But furthermore, bottom bottom line, I think Topher knows himself well enough to recognize he is looking for a deeper commitment than this girl has to offer (54.6) and thus it is appropriate to terminate the attachment. I just don't think the girl should be vilified.

 

[diamant]

I hate when people prioritizes friends over someone you supposedly love

@Rosada these are interesting points you're making.
@Topher did she say she loves you?

 

[Topher]

@Rosada, estos son puntos interesantes que estás haciendo.
@Topher, ¿dijo que te ama?

She has told me the following:
I want you
I love you
I want tobe along with you
You are the best that has happened to me in life
I like you

While she has said this her response time is way longer than usual and you can see she is connected means she talks to other people and replied one liners


Now after all this, I think she is playing me because she might stop saying these meaningless words (because actions speak louder than words).
I can't just handle this dichotomy
I mean, if she is under her mother's will, what is the point if it completely depends on her mother's permission it doesn't make any sense

More nonsense:
She told me she wasn't amon the city,then few days after talks about her mother wanting to go at a specific region of the city and how they couldn't

She has told me she was using a 2007 tablet, and her phone was under repair, then sends me a picture of her with the hospital highest of the resolutions

She tells me she finished the college final test this Monday but didn't tell me she had asked her mother permission to go elsewhere so why not even mentioning she didn't want to go out for a date if she committed this, supposedly she has to ask her mother a huge timeframe prior going somewhere

She told me she was out of the city and then one day she says she returned from the mall It's within the city...

I mean how many more lies Will she tell me?
I feel I am being played with

 

[becalm]

I mean how many more lies Will she tell me?
I feel I am being played with

That's up to you.

 

[diamant]

@Topher thanks for all the details.
She's definitely playing with you and fooling you.
I agree, actions speak louder than words.
I hope you manage to cut her off and escape this fraud.

 

[rosada]

Your original question was What should I do? And you received as 54.2.6 - 21.
54.2 Describes some sort of disappointment.
54.6 Describes something that is a sham, a false show leading to..
21. Biting through which is about biting through something to get to the truth.

So you are disappointed and feel her talk of liking and loving has all been a shallow hoax. Your main concern here seems to be that you feel she isn't being truthful with you so oracle seems to be suggesting that you tackle this problem, bite through the stories and get to what's real. What would happen if you were to simply ask her what's up with all the conflicting stories? And the heck with trying to communicate using a tablet - that's just asking for short one line comments and excuses.

 

[Topher]

Your original question was What should I do? And you received as 54.2.6 - 21.
54.2 Describes some sort of disappointment.
54.6 Describes something that is a sham, a false show leading to..
21. Biting through which is about biting through something to get to the truth.

So you are disappointed and feel her talk of liking and loving has all been a shallow hoax. Your main concern here seems to be that you feel she isn't being truthful with you so oracle seems to be suggesting that you tackle this problem, bite through the stories and get to what's real. What would happen if you were to simply ask her what's up with all the conflicting stories? And the heck with trying to communicate using a tablet - that's just asking for short one line comments and excuses.

The problem with using a tablet is not the fact she uses a tablet but the description of it, the year she told me the Tablet was bought was 2007 by then no Android os would support this dating app and wouldn't have such a high resolution camera,my argument just pointed to the fallacy she was telling me

 

[marybluesky]

Hello,

54.2: continue your way as a solitary man, 54.6: as there is nothing worthwhile. 21 indicates examining the reality & taking the proper action.

 

[Topher]

Hello,

54.2: continue your way as a solitary man, 54.6: as there is nothing worthwhile. 21 indicates examining the reality & taking the proper action.

Your original question was What should I do? And you received as 54.2.6 - 21.
54.2 Describes some sort of disappointment.
54.6 Describes something that is a sham, a false show leading to..
21. Biting through which is about biting through something to get to the truth.

So you are disappointed and feel her talk of liking and loving has all been a shallow hoax. Your main concern here seems to be that you feel she isn't being truthful with you so oracle seems to be suggesting that you tackle this problem, bite through the stories and get to what's real. What would happen if you were to simply ask her what's up with all the conflicting stories? And the heck with trying to communicate using a tablet - that's just asking for short one line comments and excuses.

@Topher thanks for all the details.
She's definitely playing with you and fooling you.
I agree, actions speak louder than words.
I hope you manage to cut her off and escape this fraud.

I dont know if I am violating her privacy by posting this here, but from what she told me her mother's bf who is garbage, a PoS. told her she wouldnt find someone who would love her criticizing her weigh, not only this isnt the only abused he has done to her but this isnt the matter

I believe the iching is telling
54.2 something I cant see is that she somehow hides something, I am unsure if it is

the personality dirsorder she probably has
the low self steem she has in her body shape and weigh
something she is hiding from me probably she isnt doing this other because she wanted someone to make her feel fine(hence the comment she feels alright when she talks to me)

hence 54.6 there is no purpose on this relationship because it is merely for improving her self-steem

this is the same thing I had found with the other girl, the same issue(except that this one has too much ego) while this isnt confident enough and is oppressed by her mother.

anyway I didnt ask for an image of what the current circumstance is

I guess the advice is the one from rosada, I should bite through the problem but unsure what it would lead me to?

so I asked where would it take me to treat the problem at 54.2.6?
23.3.5 > 53


breaking from someone? something? leads to 52 not acting yet or deciding on what i should do
then something will serve to improve the circumstance,gifting something?what is it ? time?dedication? and
then start gradually a relationship

what is it referencing to 23.5? 61.4

 

[diamant]

How could you possibly 'treat' the problem?
You're not a psychologist or psychiatrist. Relationships are not meant for one person to become the therapist of the other. And they are not meant for one person to fool and lie to the other. She has fooled you and lied so far, what makes you think she'll do anything different in the future?

 

[Topher]

How could you possibly 'treat' the problem?
You're not a psychologist or psychiatrist. Relationships are not meant for one person to become the therapist of the other. And they are not meant for one person to fool and lie to the other. She has fooled you and lied so far, what makes you think she'll do anything different in the future?

well that is what the iching suggest. not me or so I think it could be but also could be what your interpretation said. and this has really no purpose because she doesnt have real intentions for a relationship

Today she talked about marrying , if I knew how to cook, and she wanted to live together with me. lol

 

[diamant]

The I Ching did not suggest that you try to 'treat' the problem. 21 shows teeth biting and cracking something. It's painful, and it shows executing justice. Does it sound like a happy-couple hexagram to you?

where would it take me to treat the problem at 54.2.6?
23.3.5 > 53
23.3 you would still end up splitting up with her.
23.5 you would then start dating again.
53 you would find someone else to have a proper relationship with.

 

[rosada]

I think we’re putting too much on the expression “treat the problem” when we go so far as to assume it means one should take on the role of a doctor in this relationship. I see “biting through” and “ treat the problem” as meaning deal with the problem of the misunderstandings about the messages - not meaning take on analyzing this woman’s whole troubled childhood. And why is Topher mocking her for talking about marrying? I thought he claimed if she wanted him he could not reject her and now a week later he’s are laughing at her? Again I agree he should end this, she deserves better.

 

[diamant]

@rosada The problem here is that her words say one thing (that she wants to be with him), and her actions say the opposite (that she doesn't want to be with him). Then she uses the 'oh I had a bad childhood' card to make him run after her.
'She' deserves better...? I think you are misunderstanding this situation.

 

[rosada]

I'm zeroing in on the idea that Topher has had all these doubts but now tells us that just yesterday he was talking to her again and not only does he not mention bringing up his concerns about the questionable communications - so I'm assuming he did not try to Bite Through at all - but instead gave her the impression things not only continued to be good between them but further led her on to believe he was open to discussing a deeper commitment. And then goes on a public forum and laughs! He should be ashamed of himself.

 

[rosada]

Where would it take me to treat the problem?
23.3
Recognize it is necessary to do this, to Strip Away the misunderstandings to get to the truth.
23.5
Great success.
53.
Gradual Progress for the relationship.