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What should my brother do about his relationship with X? Hex 8.4 to 45

jp78

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My brother is suppose to get married to this girl he has been dating. They are actually engaged, but she keeps fighting with him for stupid sh*t and she always frustrates him so I decided to ask the I-ching what my brother should do for the future?

What should my brother do about his relationship with X?

Hexagram 8.4 to Hexagram 45.

I guess this means seeking union and gathering together to meet. But he doesnt want to see her. Shes just gonna start crying and make him feel bad and everything will start all over again.
 

icastes

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Both 8 and 45 are very good for marriage. The two are very well suited for each other. So, it seems to me that maybe you are more frustrated by her behavior than he is, as they are both compatible.
 

yxeli

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I think what you see as anguish on your brothers part may just be the way he manifests growth/love/learning. The hexagrams in my opinion are very favourable so I think his outward behaviour may be seen as contradictory but a much deeper connection is present with this woman.

''Six in the fourth place means:
Hold to him outwardly also.
Perseverance brings good fortune.

Here the relations with a man who is the center of union are well established. Then we may, and indeed we should, show our attachment openly. But we must remain constant and not allow ourselves to be led astray''

I think the current situation of 'not wanting to see her' maybe a trial in the deeper relationship of the couple- they are obviously very well suited, but it's possible that one (either he or she) may wish for more outward shows of affection by the other.
 
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jp78

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im not angry about her. In fact, hes the one always saying how she makes ridiculous demands of him and is never happy with anything. Maybe it is better if I have him ask the I-ching instead of me.
 

jp78

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To Yxeli, yea shes wants more affection but he does not have time. He is a gonna be a doctor and she is a elementary school teacher. He explained to her that wish he could spend more time, but his lifestyle does not allow for it. She does not understand. Maybe i should have him ask the I-ching.
 

yxeli

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Yeah, maybe thats a good solution- the line ''But we must remain constant and not allow ourselves to be led astray'' might apply here! :)
 

rosada

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8.4 Hold to him outwardly also.
Perseverance brings good fortune.

The I Ching is saying that if your brother truly loves this woman and wants this marriage to work he shouldn't be sharing their private conversations with you. I think the fact that he is unhappy enough to be doing the exact opposite of what the I Ching says is appropriate is a pretty strong message that this union isn't going to be successful. I think you are being shown this so that you can give your brother some clear feedback such as, "You sound pretty unhappy. Perhaps the two of you should get some couples counseling before you decide to go any further." In other words, let him know his concerns are worth taking seriously and also that you are unwilling to be his confidant. After all, if they do marry you will be asked to witness the ceremony and to vow that you do not know of any reason why this couple should not be joined in marriage. You want to be able to welcome the bride into your life as a sister. If your brother is privately expressing his concerns to you it undermines your relationship with the wife. Tell him he needs to deal with his issues and that you will not support the marriage - you will not "hold with him outwardly" - unless he does.

-Rosada
 

jp78

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hmm, interesting point. different from the other responses. I mean he doesnt share every little conversation with me, but the ones that he thinks are ridiculous. I guess he feels its okay to share this stuff cuz im his brother. He shares it with the family asking for feedback, and I am not quite sure there's something so wrong with that. How does hexagram 45 then come into context here?
 

rosada

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I think 45 could represent the group. By holding to this person outwardly the two people are gaining an identity as a couple and are welcomed into the community of couples.

side thought: By talking to you and the family about the partner he is actually holding together with her outwardly - it's just not the sort of connection one usually think you'd like to make public. In other words, what ever he is saying about her, good or bad, is creating what this relationship is.

Meanwhile, as to whether it is appropriate that he ask you and the family for feedback, It's tricky cause if your brother is confiding in you it's not clear what effect this is having. I mean, are these talks helping him get clarity so he can persevere in what is basically a healthy relationship, or does talking to you give him just enough relief that he stays in a bad relationship that he'd be better off leaving?
Perhaps the I Ching is advising you to ask him what his commitment is to this person, that is, ask him to say out loud if he wants to marry this person - see if he can hold to her outwardly. Perhaps it would be good for him to hear himself, to experience if he can say with out stuttering that he wants to be with this person till death do us part.

rosada
 
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white owl

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Bashing your new bride to be or even groom is not good..justified or not. A wedding is a celebration. I agree along the lines ,with what Rosada says about how he needs to show his affections more openly & keep the negative to himself & not drag others into it. Your brother may not be ready for marriage.
 

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