What to do about a house? 24.4.6

[poeticwalking]

So I've been dating this guy for over a year, we are emotionally committed to each other, tho haven't decided on whether we'd formalize a thing with marriage, or just a commitment ceremony. We are being cautious as our financial situations are quite different- he owns a home that will be paid off in a few years, I have a giant amount of student loans on an income based plan. Also there's the question or not of whether we get religion/state involved- for me it's just a formality, for him he takes things more seriously, he's very anti both of those. Until just recently he made also about twice my income, but he has just quit his job, it was literally making him ill and depressed, too long to go into.

I had to move from a former place since there was roommate tension, we agreed at the time it was too soon to move in together. In a couple months my lease will be up. Right now he lives not very far away via car, but long if you used public transit (hour to hour and a half commute) My job is in the city where it's not possible to park a car (or it would be hundreds of $ a month. I also don't even own a car, and have anxiety over driving, from an accident, an old job, and more recent episode being stuck with a drunk driver who wouldn't pull over- it's a long story). I know it is hard for him to imagine living in an apartment or row home, and am ok to move to a spot that works for both of us.

I feel a total sense of dread to move where he is- it's not entirely problem with the house itself (tho I really want a place where I can host the occasional guest, as well as see clients- not really possible there) and it's just so far away from the city and my friends/clients that I know I would be totally isolated. There isn't a downtownish area that's at all happening you can walk/bike to- just a tiny main street with a lot of abandoned businesses. He hasn't totally ruled out moving but he has reservations justifiably- being close to paid on his house, being very settled (15 yrs there) with sweat equity in the place, property value has gone down by 25% (it's a small home, in a not desirable area). He did offer to let me live there for free (split utils/maybe other expenses, but not mortgage since it's not in my name). It just seems unreasonable for me to move there even though it's technically close, since it will triple my commute and cost me more money, as well as I'd feel isolated.

I came up with the idea to see if I can qualify for a place on my own, this way I can take advantage of first-time buyer deals and also to lessen the pressure of moving in/him selling or something. I had originally been super gung-ho about buying a house before I met him, though I put it on the back burner after I did for a year. I started to look in an area halfway between us and found a great place- very similar to the style of his house, but just a little bigger; in a town that I really am interested in, am making connections in, and can walk to public transit, and very affordable. The problem is that my student loan payments aren't calculated as what I pay, but a percent of the whole that's many times my monthly payment. I will never be able to qualify for a mortgage this way even on this cheaper house- my salary would have to triple at minimum, which is VERY unlikely. After doing many hours of research though it seems there are some types of loan that are now calculating the monthly debt differently (ie, what I actually pay), and there's a chance I could qualify. But the loan officers I've talked to seem to not know and not want to look over this more recent change.

I asked Yi, "What should I do about this house I'm interested in in X town?"
24.4.6

This seems potentially positive for me. What I want to think is that it's going to be a pain and a fight, but worth it in the end and I will succeed? Keep with my goal in mind and don't take no for an answer even if it's against the common path, well, unless there is some current documentation for it. But then line 6 is not as happytime for me- IDK if it means I need to start over again with a more receptive loan officer or just re-evaluate why I want to do this/do I want to do this, come up with a new plan for where to live entirely. I don't know that there's an opportunity that I missed, it seems I have never qualified for anything in the first place (unless I can actually get an MLO to follow the most recent rules). Or is this whole idea a mistake?

Changing to 21: eeek. Seems like legalese, paperwork, having to push through something. I don't know if that's on the mortgage and paperwork side, or something with my partner?

 

[Freedda]

Hexagram 24 is called Return, or Returning. It shows a solid line making its appearance, and 'returning' in the lower line (below 5 broken lines/open). It depicts a time in winter when thunder is still resting within the earth.

So, looking at the trigrams (the 2 three-line images that make up the trigram), with 24 you have the notion of quick, decisive action being influenced by earth's desire for this to be a practical, down-to-earth decision.

But with the two moving lines, something is amiss or off-kilter - perhaps that you've become indecisive, and maybe this is because you've become too concerned for other's feelings and needs, and have lost sight of your own?

The second, resulting hexagram is 21 - called 'biting through'. Again looking at the trigrams, it may be suggesting that you need to bring a bit of clarity and focus to your decision-making process.

By way of suggestion (only), maybe you can consider what is the best, most practical choice for a place, based on your income, distance to work, what the commute and the neighborhoood are like, how comfortable you are in the place ..... and that this clarity and focus will then lead to a decisive decision on your part.

Looking too at the lines, it may be that this is a decision you have to make on your own, and to consider the idea of the 'middle path' - not too much or too little, but 'just right' (which also might hint at the need for compromise in your decision-making?).

The top line seems a bit ominous, but I think it is instead suggesting that you not make this a rigid, miliary-type exercise. You want to be practical, but at the same time consider your feelings - but these should be your feelings, not someone else's.

I hope that's of some use for you. Best, D.

 

[diamanda]

What should I do about this house I'm interested in in X town? 24.4.6 > 21
Both of the changing lines, and resulting 21 are clear - back off, don't do it.

 

[Qiaozhi Yeats]

What should I do about this house I'm interested in in X town? 24.4.6 > 21
Both of the changing lines, and resulting 21 are clear - back off, don't do it.

I divined for you 36, 1, 5, 6, so I think it really is a financial question for you at the moment, either you don't have the money, or you don't have the credit, or both. It probably has to be a long term solution and aim, and in the future you may not have the same plans, so I would advise putting it on a back burner but keeping your internal flame somewhat connected to the idea. Thanks.

 

[poeticwalking]

I actually asked as a follow up question- how can I overcome my anxiety about where I will be living starting this summer and got 39.3->8. I think this reinforces y'all's interpretations. It really does feel like I'm obstructed and blocked, I feel trapped a little even though realistically I'm not (I can stay even in my apartment and not move in with my boyfriend at all, though I would have to give notice before moving out). Still more research to be done before I even think about making some sort of a decision.

Get some sort of help in figuring it out, if I really want to do this- I guess (duh) this means more talking with the bf (I have actually said this is really preying on my mind, I do want to talk about things soonish to see where we're at even though I know he has a lot on his plate too) maybe even talk about it with friends/family besides the financial types I've been trying to get deets from. Maybe even come up with a totally different plan. But like, take a break for a LONG minute first.

 

[floatsmith]

I’m noticing a distinct parallel or synchronicity between your two readings which to me seems like your through-line.
24.4 (in the Wilhelm text) has this as its commentary (and we’ll have to forgive his antiquated gender standard) — “A man is in a society composed of inferior people, but is connected spiritually with a strong and good friend, and this makes him turn back alone. Although nothing is said of reward and punishment, this return is certainly favorable, for such a resolve to choose the good brings its own reward” (emphasis added).
Then, in your follow-up reading, the constricted time of ‘Obstruction’ is loosened by . . . Holding Together. Again, in Wilhelm’s text, I find these passages — “The yielding lines hold together because they are influenced by a man of strong will in the leading position, a man who is the center of their union” — and in the Judgment — “Those who are uncertain gradually join. / Whoever comes too late / Meets with misfortune” (emphases added).
So, to me, it’s pretty clear that the readings are highlighting the role your relationship will play in sorting out all of this. Where ‘going it alone’ leads into endless vexations, the call may be to fall back upon the strength of the interdependence of our most connected relationships. Whether or not this means moving in together (although I’d not be surprised if it does), perhaps a good place to start would be to practice leaning more into your relationship even without immediately being able to ascertain the particulars of the coming times.