What to do about friend?

[shefa]

I have a friend who I really enjoy when we talk or get together, but making the connection can be challenging. We talked last week and it was great, then made plans for the other day. The day came and went with an odd excuse about something coming up. It was probably true, the thing that came up, but there is a pattern I really don't like where this friend lacks some empathy and doesn't get impact on others.

Why did this blow-off happen?
62.3 to 16

What if I just walk away from this friendship?
34.3 to 54

What if I continue to pursue this friendship and getting together?
55.1 to 62

Then today, I asked another questions which I perhaps should not have asked since Yi really already answered me:

What is the best approach to take with this situation?
12.1.2.4 to 61

It sounds to me as though walking away would be like hitting my head against the wall, wouldn't get me anywhere, and I should definitely pursue the friendship for what it intended to be, even though it may a time-limited situation. It also sounds like there was some reason it would have been dangerous to get together the other day. I am not sure about the meaning of today's reading, the 12 to 61? Perhaps it's just reinforcing what I already know, to move forward with this friendship for what it is? I enjoy this friend and can't help but believe there is some reason we are in each other's lives.

 

[shefa]

Good idea. I decided to ask:

Why are we in each other's lives?
18.3 to 4

Wow. Can someone help make sense of all of this? Seems important that we heal something between us, and perhaps that is the time-limited situation between us?

 

[mudpie]

Do the dynamics of this friendship remind you of any pattern from your childhood?
It seems like there is a push-pull dynamic going on, which is annoying and hurtful, and maybe it's an opportunity to look into the details of that.
the 12 to 61 seems to emphasize that also.

 

[shefa]

That is an interesting question. There is not an exact match to my past. But the overall push-pull quality is there in my history, yes. So do you think this relationship is here for me to see what I need to heal in my life?

 

[mudpie]

Hi Shefa,
I personally feel it is always ourselves we need to focus on healing, although it is usually a mutual benefit, at least on some level, when in the context of relationship.

e.g. if you were to tell your friend about the impact his/her apparent lack of empathy has on you, rather than bailing out as you were understandably considering, then he/she has an opportunity to grow, too. I think it is the Course in Miracles that says every relationshp is a holy encounter. purposeful.

the yi seemed to advise staying with this. but i think if the focus is on healing the other, rather than on yourself , the interchange would not be as honest or authentic (61) . You can still learn something valuable by your willingness to see it through, whether the other chooses to respond honestly or not.

 

[shefa]

I love that. "every relationship is a holy encounter." Thank you.