What would you do if....

[meganj]

you thought your bf or gf really cared for someone else but was too scared to ever tell them and their chance came and went, but like maybe they could be better together than what you both have? And maybe sumhow you know they still like them? lol
I know this all sounds weird but I do believe my bf likes another girl... has for a long time.
I love him very much and i want him to be happy. Would it be crazy to try to set them up? I've wondered about this for awhile now, and I do think he does (ive consulted the IC).
I asked " does - like -?" and got 1.1.2.3>12
and then...
"would it be weird to set them up?" (like maybe let her know he might have feelings for her still)
50.1>14

I truely do love him, but I just want him to be happy and if it's with this other person then I wont stand in the way. He's like my best friend.
Please tell me what you think, i'm curious to know other view on this..

 

[ginnie]

I asked " does - like -?" and got 1.1.2.3>12

I read it that you'd do best to play the submerged dragon and not do anything about your idea, meganj. This issue is actually a conflict in your relationship with him and not something you should be helping him with as his friend.

 

[dragona]

Hello, what is your relationship with the girl in question? My opinion is that he is in a relationship with you by his own choice, I believe...and if he wants out of it, especially because he has somebody else in wiew, he will leave, men are not that complicated on emotional issues as we are...
"would it be weird to set them up?" (like maybe let her know he might have feelings for her still)
50.1>14
Too many maybe`s, don`t you think? Perhaps that is his ex gf?
I would interpret 50.1 as a warning that if you try to "set them up" it would lead to an overturn of your (ting) relationship and you should not do it if you are not ready for an total re-examination of your relationship and what it will lead to. Do it for your sake or don`t do it at all.
But in overall, I think it would cause an big reaction.

 

[meganj]

Hmm not an ex but a girl he had a big crush on! I just dont understand his relationship with her is all. We've talked about this many times but I guess I just never got over it.

 

[meganj]

And We havent been getting along the past few weeks.. im under alot of stress. I just dont know anymore!
But yeah I get what you're saying.

 

[dragona]

if you are stressed for other reasons than your relationship, it is not wise to add more stress upon yourself if you are not ready....rather see how he behaves toward you during your stressful time - especially if you ask him for some additional support and judge by facts other then hunches now. Not sayin that hunches are to be ignored, but just try to bide your time.
Take care, d.

 

[precision grace]

I have no idea how to interpret this casting but just wanted to tell you that I did that once - what you are talking about. The difference was that I knew when I started dating the guy that he was not only in love with this other girl, but that she was in love with him. He was just too shy to ask her out properly because he thought she wouldn't want to be with him and he wasn't shy to ask me out because he didn't care about me that much. So we dated for a couple of months. We had fun. We helped eachother get over stuff and then we broke up so that he could get together with her. They are married now and have a child.

So, it's not weird but you have to be doing it for the right reasons. And be prepared to regret your decisions and be hurt.

The question shouldn't be about what would make him happy though, it should be about what would make you happy. xx

 

[meganj]

He says if he wanted anyone else he'd be with them he wouldn't be with me if he thought there was someone else.. but on some level I can't feel him committing to me like I am to him, he's going to school right now so that's his number one. And I love him so much, I could never see my life without him, so I don't mind being number two.. but sometimes I wonder when i'm gonna be first, ya know?
And when he talks about her it's... IDK hard to explain, I know he respects her alot and really thinks of her highly, but then again I wonder if he talks about me that way.
I know he used to. I just want to feel like he's totally with me in this for all the ups and downs.. but the other day we were talking and he said the only way he'd leave me for someone else is if he met someone who he got along better with, we get along pretty good though, so would he keep himself open to that option lol I don't cuz I know there's always going to be someone more attractive or that I get along really good with.
I guess i'm just fiercely loyal like that..

It's definately a hard idea to come to terms with.
Maybe I just want what's best for him deep down. He's a really great guy.

 

[meganj]

And I must add, I am happy, but sometimes I just get really sad and feel like i'm not good enough for him.
Then I start getting all crazy and pushing him away lol, Maybe i'm too idealistic.
Anyways it's a vicious cycle IDK how to break? :S

 

[precision grace]

you gotta be first in your own mind. if you are feeling not good enough, a useful thing to think about is why? Is he making you feel that way? Or are you making yourself feel that way? If he said he wants to be with you then take that as truth. But perhaps ask yourself if you really want to be with him. I mean really. Or you just think you should want to be with him because he is such a great guy? Have you asked 'What should I know about my relationship with X?" It's always best to try to use Yi to examine our own mind.

 

[rodaki]

uhmm, there was a time when I was 'this girl' for the girlfriend of a very good friend of mine .. Things had happened and even though he had gone back with her (and I was perfectly ok with that for my own reasons) he had made it clear to her that I would still have a strong (friendly) place in his life . . I know she had trouble with this and hence had kept a lot of distance from him and it took us years to resume our full friendship after he had broken up with her. Things might still happen between us but we don't get together, seems we have our own intricate stuff to untangle before anything of the kind ever happens and that's fine . . that had nothing to do with his girlfriend of the time and no one would have gained much if she had left him or pushed him my way . . me & him to him & her: two totally different things

I read 1>12 saying he has taken initiative to walk away from whatever there might be and 50.1 that you are using the idea of 'setting them up' for a reason different than what you present or presume . . perhaps doing this to see if he will express his feelings for you with more force? Placing yourself in the spot of the 'concubine' to capture a 'son' (new start with him)?

If you love him, I say love him, don't push him away . . love is about taking risks.
And if you feel like his love is leaving you feeling short of something then head for greener pastures . . just make sure you are not reading your own fears into his actions.

 

[meganj]

You are absolutely right Rodaki.
Thank you everyone for sharing, and helping me see clearly thru this difficult time.
I think if it's going to happen then it will, there's a time for everything right and some things can't be forced.. and sometimes that moment has came and gone, but you gotta just keep on swimming lol.

 

[meganj]

Btw as an afterthought I asked Precision Grace' suggestion for a question..
''What should I know about my relationship with X?" - And got 6 conflict

 

[ginnie]

Does that mean you and he argue a lot? Or does it mean you are in total conflict about him?

 

[meganj]

We r in conflict becuz we r thinking of breaking up.

 

[arabella]

There's a study of unchanging hexagrams right now in Exploring Divination. Hexagram 6 unchanging has just begun, if you want to pop over to there, read what is entered so far, add your own perspective.

 

[meganj]

I dont like static hexagrams and when there are lots of lines... ugh.

 

[ginnie]

Well, sometimes an unchanging hexagram is a shorthand form from Yi, sent as a reminder that we have gotten it before with changing lines.

When there are too many moving lines to take in at once, I like to read the line that's not changing to see what's NOT included in that.

 

[meganj]

yes i also like to do that.. not everytime but i do. Do you find that when there are over 4 lines sometimes you can put them together like bits of a sentence?

 

[arabella]

Yes, or string together as steps in a natural progression of events.

 

[ginnie]

Yes, a natural progression of events. I just received a reading with five lines moving yesterday and I'm still deciding whether to dig into it or just let it go for now. Making sentences out of them is an art, I think, and takes a lot of practice.