What's a girl gotta do?

[firehorse]

Hello All,

I asked a question. Not one that I'm proud of, but probably what is foremost on my mind (and in my heart) these days. After a long , possibly loveless marriage, I forged ahead on my own , well over a year ago. It's taken a while, but things are really starting to come together...I've been promoted at work, my divorce is almost final - and he didn't carry through on any of his evil threats. I've almost completed my degree...which is so long overdue. I have great, supportive friends, and I have a clarity now that I've never had...not to mention that I'm no longer depressed, or oppressed for that matter.

Any way, the question...what do I have to do to get a date? Not even one offer!!!! I'm attractive, physically fit, intelligent, very supportive and understanding, open-minded, and I have a great sense of humor! It's taken me a while, but I actually like me...why doesn't anyone else?

12.1.4.5 = 27

It doesn't look that bad...but I'm still not clear on what I have to do. Where did that clarity go? It's hard to see when you're knee deep in it. I'm not getting any younger, you know, and I'm not really lonely - just want someone to share my life with, or at least have dinner with ( and I am fully aware that I just ended a sentence with a preposition).

Any thoughts?

 

[dobro p]

Okay, the primary hexagram is Hex 12, Obstruction. So it's addressing the blockage in your love life, and on the macro level it's saying, I think, that in this case, obstruction is feeding you on some important level. You're benefiting from not connecting romantically, in other words. Of course, your feelings are probably telling you something else. That's how I read it, anyway.

However, you can always choose to read it on the micro level, cuz Hex 12 is much more positive on the micro level. If you look at lines 1, 4 and 5 (especially 4) it looks very auspicious in terms of throwing over the obstruction and moving firmly in the direction of something positive (in this case a relationship).

So, which is it? You tell me.

 

[dobro p]

You know, I just saw something else in this. Your question was: "What do I need to do to get a date?"

The Yi might be saying: "You need to root out the problem systemtically, you're slated for partnering, radiance and fullfilment, and the obstruction in your life will be vigorously released. This will sustain you."

And if that's the case, then what you need to do is two things, if the individual lines are anything to go by: you have to uproot the loneliness problem comprehensively by making sure your motivations are magnanimous, spiritual even, and not selfish.

Yeah, I like this reading better.

 

[rosada]

12/27 Stagnation - Communication. Hmmm, talk to more people? Ask a different question?
Fresh flowers in the woman's house is a feng shui tip for attracting love into your life. The Bach flower essence Holly is also for being more aware of love.

 

[jte]

To me, the advice in Hex 12 could apply as a recommendation to not go "play the field" in public venues (such as singles bars).

Lines 1 and 4 suggest assistance, friendship - perhaps enlisting the help of your great, supportive friends (as opposed to going out solo).

I think line 5 reminds you that even with help/support you should probably still be careful. Probably the better you feel about how are doing on your own, the more another person (even a good one) will seem a nuisance or disruption after a while.

"my divorce is almost final"

Ah yes, *obstruction* - key word "almost". It might seem old-fashioned, positively backward in this day and age to wait for the divorce to be final. But consider:

- At some level (i.e. unconsciously) you might be uncomfortable with moving on until it's over. This might be affecting the "vibe" you give to men though mannerisms, word choices in conversation, posture, etc... you might not come across as truly comfortable/interested.

- There are probably plenty of men out there who wouldn't be bothered in the least by the fact that you're actually still married... do you really want to be dating them?

My two cents. Hope I don't come across as too "moralistic" in the above - I'm all for you getting what you want in life, but that is simply what I'm seeing in your reading...

One other thought, lines 1 and 4 could also be seen as the assistance you receive (from lawyers?) in finishing up the divorce. Maybe both the lawyers (in the divorce) and your friends (in post-divorce assistance). Not sure...

- Jeff

 

[lightofdarkness]

12 pairs with 45 and covers the competitive/cooperative dynamic in assertion of faith/belief etc - 12 neutralises the attacks of others. As such it avoids change and so is painted 'negative' in the book of changes but it is a valid, useful quality overall. 45 is more cooperative in celebration of faith etc through congregrating.

The generic infrastructre of 12 is described by the generic qualities of 17.

The 'correct' steps through 12 are described by analogy to characteristics of 30 where the focus is on promotion of an ideology, a sense of following a particular direction/way/ideology.

As to your specific question .. try out the proactive approach and let us know what you get as it describes what is pushing your buttons....

http://members.iimetro.com.au/~lofting/myweb/lofting/icplusProact.html

Chris.

 

[rosada]

Hi Jte,
Just a note to say I don't think you're being "moralistic" at all. You're just saying what you see in the I Ching and in this case it does seem to be suggesting there is a real obstruction, and the divorce not being final could very well be it. It will be interesting to see if when the paper work is completed suddenly the social life comes alive.

Hi Chris,
By being "proactive" are you suggesting she ought to ask a man out?

Rosada

 

[firehorse]

Hi Guys,

I can truly relate to what everyone has said...it does make sende. When I have more time, I will expand, but just wanted to thank you for what you have contributed thus far.

 

[jesed]

Hi Firehorse

Just in case the comment could be useful

The stagnation is objective, doesn't depend on your actions. You CANN'T do anything to avoid or changing the situation right now.

So, "what to do?" Answer = "do nothing because during this time is useless" (Judgement of 12)

What you CAN do in this time is nourish yourself, your own development (Image of 12 and tendential hex 27).

Acting like that, when the objective situation of stagnation ends (and IT WILL END), you would find the propper partner without intentional effort. Something like: "what belongs to you, belongs to you", just not now (lines 1, 4 and 5)

Best wishes

 

[pakua]

"The generic infrastructre of 12 is described by the generic qualities of 17"

Chris, if I don't understand 12, isn't it likely I also don't understand 17?

How does this help clarify what 12 is about?

 

[firehorse]

Hello, Everyone!

I'm back home, and have a little more time to focus on this. Dobro, I love what you said in your second post...not to sell short your first one, either, it makes sense. I have purposely thought that after a fourteen year marriage that I would need time to heal, to figure myself out, to understand what motivated me to be in a less than ideal situation for so long .

I guess I was sort of hoping that it was time for me to move forward...apparently not.

Jeff,

I do not find what you have posted too moralistic, either. Again, I sort of had these thoughts at one point or another anyway...Somehow it really doesn't feel right to jump into another relationship (not that any have come my way) until the divorce is final...sort of correcting a mistake of the past, if you will. I'm not really the singles bar dwelling type, anyway!!!

Rosada,

Thanks, for the tips...I'll try it!!!

Chris,

I sort of understand what you are saying, and I appreciate the input...I tried your link and came up with "12" in the middle...unchanging...don't know if I did it right, though, because I'm not sure I understand..couldn't be coincidence, now could it?

Jesed,

Thanks to you too...in other words, this is the time to develop the inner self...Gees, I guess I'm not done then, huh? Just a little discouraging...

On a sidenote...has anyone ever had the sense that there is a greater being standing personally over your shoulder, telling you that, while it may be okay for everyone else, it's not okay for you!?!?

I feel sometimes, like I'm not "allowed" to take any shortcuts now...maybe because I have used them all up already. For instance, my soon-to-be ex, to whom I was married for 14 years, has already moved someone else into the house that I gave to him...that he could not afford. It's like he could not survivie on his own, so he should not have to survive on his own. Please don't think I am comparing myself, or even jealous...maybe just jealous of the "relationship"

I have chosen, in the past year to take the "higher ground" in just about everything I do...but if I should choose not too, I know that something won't go well...there's a greater force around me...and I'm not speaking of my conscience, or even guilt...it's something greater than that! I do believe in free will...but it's not that simple...does this make any sense? It's almost as if I MUST be alone right now!

Here's another example...someone else with whom I was involved (yes, while I was still married...and this relationship ultimately ended both of our marriages) apparently was involved with his (ex) wife's friend while he was involved with me...all while he was married. I was in love with him, and I thought he felt the same (yes, this is the one that works where I do). He is still with his wife's former friend. And I am still in love with him, but trying not to be.

I know I can't be judgmental here, because I went against my own value system just the same, but WOW, where's the justice????

Has anyone else ever had this feeling? The feeling that you are "not allowed" to stray from the path of righteousness? It's like I've been beaten with a stick everytime I even thought about straying.

A little off the subject...but not really.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this

 

[jesed]

Hi Firehorse

You are allowed to take any path you choose... everyone is allowed to do that.
The only thing: one should face the consecuences of one's choises (not in a "moral" way, but in a "realistic" way: there are consecuences)

I would suggest one question: "general diagnosis of my sentimental Time"

Best wishes

 

[jesed]

ps... just to avoid misunderstandings

Is not that you haven't develop your inner self... and because of that stagnation came. Is just that now is a time of stagnation, so if you can develop your relationships (and you objectively cann't in this time), use this time in yourself.

 

[firehorse]

General dx of my sentimental time...

44.2.6<31

Aren't thes hexes about relationships? Whaddaya make of that?

 

[lightofdarkness]

Pakua,

The I Ching is self-referencing and so will describe itself to you. For each hexagram ALL of the others contribute to its description/expression. This information is obtained through use of the XOR operator of logic (See table in the introduction of http://members.iimetro.com.au/~lofting/IChingPlus )

Thus each hexagram expresses the characteristics of all others in some form and that expression is derived through use of analogies.

For example, the qualities of hexagram 27 focus on issues of infrastructure and quality control when taking in the 'furnishings' etc etc and XOR-ing that hexagram with any other will give you a hexagram serving as analogy is describing the '27-ness' of a hexagram.

For hexagram 12, with its focus on neutralising attacks on one's faith and that act strengthening that faith, the 27-ness is described by analogy to hex 17 - a focus on finding a faith/following/belief etc etc. IOW the generic infrastructure of 12 is described by analogy to the generic qualities of 17 (and visa versa - IOW the general infrastructure of 17 is about finding something to believe in and defend)

The full spectrum for 12 is covered in the linemeaning section in:

http://members.iimetro.com.au/~lofting/myweb/lofting/x111000.html

Chris.

 

[jte]

"On a sidenote...has anyone ever had the sense that there is a greater being standing personally over your shoulder, telling you that, while it may be okay for everyone else, it's not okay for you!?!?

I have chosen, in the past year to take the "higher ground" ...but if I should choose not too, I know that something won't go well...there's a greater force around me...and I'm not speaking of my conscience, or even guilt...it's something greater than that! I do believe in free will...but it's not that simple...does this make any sense?

Has anyone else ever had this feeling? The feeling that you are "not allowed" to stray from the path of righteousness? It's like I've been beaten with a stick everytime I even thought about straying. "

Sort of yes. Many folks have written here and elsewhere about feeling like they're communicating with a "being" when they use the I Ching.

Don't know about the "beaten with a stick" part, but here are a few possibilities...

- You've started becoming accustomed to the positive benefits of "firm correctness" (that's another translation of Wilhelm's "perserverance", btw) and now that you're experiencing how good they really are, you're hesitant to injure yourself through returning to negative behavior.

- The I Ching has made you more aware (unconsciously?) of the seemingly unrelated long-term negative and positive results of some behaviors, so you're now hesitant to behave in ways with (distant) negative consequences.

Just some possibilities. So, not so weird, really - no need to worry, imo. I think it's mostly that your intuition has been enhanced in this area (fringe benefit of I Ching use, as well as the general wisdom that comes with life experience, no?)

- Jeff

 

[firehorse]

The awareness and intuition is the key, I think. It's not that I don't feel like I have choices, but I certainly do have a greater understanding of the consequences of my choices. And the consequences are not overt...I'm not speaking of the choice between robbing a bank and taking out a loan.

I do credit the I-Ching for my development...it is a spiritual guide/ Just wish I was better at comprehendig what it is saying. But I'm learning

 

[jesed]

HI Firehorse

Just in case the comment could be useful:

This time started between Novemeber 1 and December 16, 2005... and it will run until June 17, 2006 Is a Time of "temptations"; among other meanings: relationships/feelings that can be seen as inofensive but could be something diferent than what they appear to be.

This time has an objective cause: hex 17, and an objective effect: 64.
So, a time of fellowship and following had end in your life (hex 17) and now some of the feelings/relationship of that "ended-time" are pushing to re-enter in your life (hex 44). But this could result diferent of what it seems to be. If you handle it, the effect would be that the past would be leaved in the past and a new era could be face in the future (hex 64).

The lines describes 2 particular situations: a) those feelings/desire/relationships are there, but are not allowed to produce effects (something like: "ok, i want to have a romantic relationship but in this moment i really won't go for it") and b) this produces that others can see you as unsociable

The tendential hexagram (31)points to a goal: courting, influence others..

Until here, the way I read the answer.
Now, linking this answer with the original, a personal comment:
Could it be that you still have some kind of interior attachment (nostalgy/sadness/anger) with the ended relationship, that doesn't allow you to leave the past in the past and face a new relationship? An this interior attachment could be the cause of stagnation in order to get a date?

Best wishes

 

[firehorse]

Interesting thought, Jesed...will have to digest that one

 

[rosada]

Venus is retrograde in the stickler for propriety sign Capricorn just now, suggesting love relationships are on hold until completion of past obligations - like divorces needing to be made final. Venus turns direct Feb. 2.