Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).
My thought behind this is do I wait until I have mentally sorted out what I think about everything in case they have something to say, or do you say you're sorry the moment you know you're sorry?
Honestly, you both made a mistake when you started an in-office romance? As a rule, office environments just are not equipped to mediate love interests?
However, by spilling the beans to your co-worker, you've invited the office culture to judge the character and behavior of both of you?
If he really is a bad guy ~ a menacing, glowering bully ~ who could be a threat to others, too, then there are better ways to go about dealing with it?
And, if you aren't sure that he really is a bad guy, or not ~ then it 'looks' like toxic revenge by you, and perhaps you should seriously consider leaving the job?
And, if you aren't sure that he really is a bad guy, or not ~ then it 'looks' like toxic revenge by you, and perhaps you should seriously consider leaving the job?
However, by spilling the beans to your co-worker, you've invited the office culture to judge the character and behavior of both of you?
But, but, but...in any case, imho, you should apologize directly to him, in the presence of the person you spoke with about him, and humble yourself with non-blaming acceptance of your role in getting the situation to this point? If you know you were wrong, then ask for forgiveness?
A few hours after I talked to our mutual coworker, he went directly to the man I am bothered by and told him what I said. Apparently this coworker had been encouraging the guy to hold out hope for me all this time and essentially told him to stop doing that. I knew the next day that he was told something because he basically hid himself from me for the entire day when normally we are always in each other's line of sight. Apparently, he told the coworker that he wished I would have said all of that directly to him. I thought I had done that ages ago, but ok.
I almost immediately felt a surge of relief but also with that a surge of empathy. I spent the next couple of weeks continuing to consider whether I should reach out to him directly to explain and also apologize for some of the things I've said. I reached out yesterday and set a time to meet this weekend and feel a new wave of anxiety and panic, but I am hoping things go well. I couldn't sleep last night wondering if I've made a mistake in talking to him at all.
I did ask Yi another question: What approach will give me the best outcome for both of us moving on? 19.5 > 60
A measured approach I guess. I read several posts here from ex lovers who won't let go who received this line. I saw rosada call this hex "no good deed goes unpunished." I will likely be spinning with anxiety until at least tomorrow evening when I meet him for a drink and a conversation. I will take a break from sharing about it though. I plan to apologize, ask if there is anything I can clear up for him, and set clear boundaries. Wish me luck! And thank you for taking the time to respond to me. Outside perspectives are very helpful for me with emotionally fraught questions.
Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).