Why can't I get over my anger? Hex 22.4 -> 30

[myladythunder]

About six months ago, me and my ex split up after 2 turbulent years together. It's been difficult beyond words, but I managed to pick up my life where I left of and it's been a relief to be able to enjoy life by myself again. We still see each other, but I've set my boundaries, keeping my distance. Despite all that's happened between us, I still have feelings for him. He never gave up on me, he doens't even want to admit that we're over, even though he moved out of my house (I made him). He has an addiction problem and is in my eyes, not ready for real life. Which is way things didn't work out between us. He wants to make it work again and part of me wants give it a chance as well, but I am still so angry! I can see he's making a real effort, but not in the area's I need him to work on. He's not doing anything about his addiction, but he's been there in a very sweet, thoughtful way, small stuff, little things he never thought about when we where together. Every time he asks something from me, even something little, I just... block. I can't seem to forgive him for letting me down like that.

Maybe it's obvious why I'm still angry, but maybe the yi will help me understand myself on a deeper level. I got hex 22.4 changing to 30. I found this on the forum;
22.4 A beautiful, dazzling energy makes its entrance like a suitor coming for his bride. This is a time to express conviction, to get started and explore. New possibilities shine brightly and you might suspect it as a fake, but it's real as a way to start new possibilities. Join with the new energy as you won't lose anything in the encounter, there is the potential for great gains -- in clarity of intention, in energy and in expansion through partnership.
Gives me hope But is there more to this line? All help is much appreciated, as usual...:bows:

 

[tealight]

If I asked this question and got this answer, I would take it as a reflection that I am wishing for something that is not happening in reality. And therein lies the anger or distance in reality.

If his addiction is a dealbreaker for getting back together - and I assume that it is - then naturally this would make you angry, because you can't move forward, and you can't stay as 'just friends' either.

So, if this was the answer to the question as asked - literally as a why in relation to your anger - I don't see how it gives hope, as you say at end... sounds like maybe you wanted to ask a different question..?

 

[beyond_the_veil]

Yeah, what Tealight said . Honestly though, I can understand wanting to experience and enjoy the best qualities of someone, but it really sounds like this "one" thing really gets your ticker into a high RPM. I am not saying that you are overly nit picking and I do not want to justify his abuse, but I would like to ask a question or two. First, I want to preface this with the understanding that I do not know, nor understand your whole situation. So please do not take this as being judgmental or browbeating.

Is it possible that you feel like a failure because he won't change? The reasoning behind my question is that, in my experience, we sometimes hold a certain ideal of the way things "ought" to be in order for harmony to be realized. We try to change things to fit that ideal and when it doesn't work, depending on the emotional strength we have invested,....

I had this problem as a young Christian first going to church. I had a messianic complex. I was there to show you the way to save yourself from your misery because I knew the answer. If I had no takers, I became despondent and bitter. My mother was a very idealistic person. She had a very horrible background when growing up. These ideals were set up to escape her pain. She was married three times and in every case when things didn't turn out her way, the situation went bellicose.

Again, I don't know your whole situation, but consider this: If this relationship was not so good in the past, what is it about him that has made you to choose to invest so much of yourself in him in the first place, even to the point that you are possibly considering getting back with him for round two inspite of the breakdown?

Do you think that getting back with him is enough motivation for him to change, although previous evidence points to the contrary? If so, can you justify this?

Is there a way you can help him with his problem without becoming too emotionally involved in his struggle? If so, how? If not, why?

These are just some questions to act as a catalyst for further exploration into your heart and not intended in any way trying to be nosy or act like Dr. Phil. Just want to help. Wish you the best .

 

[arabella]

Hello There. Not knowing what question you cast for, but in the situation you describe, I would interpret the Hex 22.4 as the gentle, trusting and enlightened part of you saying, "Move on, life is better than this, you have great possibilities if you let them approach now in the absence of stress." And the background of a spark, a new life in Hex 30 would seem to reinforce this.

Not addressing his addiction but doing "little, sweet" things, pardon me, sounds like a con job. It's like the elephant in the room that nobody talks about to have such a destructive behaviour that isn't mentioned as a deterrent to being together. It takes two whole people to have a worthwhile relationship.

 

[tealight]

I apologise in case what I said above sounded blunt or insensitive. But it was intended to be as helpful as possible. It's just that I have experience of something like this and while every story is different, there are certain threads and themes that run through all addiction stories.

Although there seems to be no hope for this relationship, there is always hope beyond that. Six months is not nearly long enough to get over someone IMO. I do wish you the best with getting through this, whatever path you decide. It won't be easy either way, for a while. But after some time passes it will get better if you make the right choice for your own peace of mind and well-being.

 

[myladythunder]

I know I should let him go. I know I hope everything will turn out allright, cause right now I just feel horrible.