why is he so interested

[goddessliss]

Hi,
My husband and I split up nearly 12 months ago. Within weeks he took up with another woman and has been with her ever since, moving in with her within weeks of their meeting and divorcing me as soon as he possibly could.
As soon as he took up with this woman I chose not to speak to him or see him and have had one conversation with him over the phone, which was only about one of our children and nothing else, my insistence in not talking about anything personal. I indicate no emotion towards him at all. I still have not got over the heartbreak but at the same time have not hesitated to get on with my life as best I can.
However my ex-husband, which I still have difficulty saying, still continually asks about me via our teenage children.
My question to the IChing was -
'why is x so interested in my life'
I received Hex 61.4>10.
Absolutely no idea what this mite mean.
thku for your insight.
Blessings
Melissa

 

[Trojina]

Hi,
My husband and I split up nearly 12 months ago. Within weeks he took up with another woman and has been with her ever since, moving in with her within weeks of their meeting and divorcing me as soon as he possibly could.
As soon as he took up with this woman I chose not to speak to him or see him and have had one conversation with him over the phone, which was only about one of our children and nothing else, my insistence in not talking about anything personal. I indicate no emotion towards him at all. I still have not got over the heartbreak but at the same time have not hesitated to get on with my life as best I can.
However my ex-husband, which I still have difficulty saying, still continually asks about me via our teenage children.
My question to the IChing was -
'why is x so interested in my life'
I received Hex 61.4>10.
Absolutely no idea what this mite mean.
thku for your insight.
Blessings
Melissa

Its so hard with a question the way you phrased it because i can't really know who the 61.4 refers to. 61.4 is about someone breaking away from a pair and doing their own thing, so thats apt. But does it mean here he asks simply because hes broken away..?.or because he feels you have emotionally broken away from him ., you know you got on with your life and didn't engage with him.. I don't know..

May be easier to understand the answer if you ask from your perspective as in something like 'whats my best response to his interest now' that way you probably glean something of his feelings anyway.

Seems to me you handled all this with great dignity. It must have been horrible, like being discarded very abruptly so it was the most important thing to keep you self esteem up, which you have done.

Could be you are actually in a more stable (no horse pun intended lol) place than him as he ricochets between women. One wonders how long he'll actually stay with his new woman or whether he will tire of her quickly..maybe he's all over the place in his own head. Hmm anyway I'm not sure what your answer means to that particular question, maybe someone else will...but keep on trucking

 

[steve]

Hi there

Yes Trojan is right the line is basicaly just talking about most likely him doing his own thing.
I would rephrase the question

Steve

 

[goddessliss]

Hi I am going back over old posts to see how I am doing and realised I had not thanked you for your insight but I do remember being pretty messed up emotionally.
So I hope you will accept my thks now trojan and steve and understand that you have both helped me through this process and whilst I am not 100% over it I have grown immensely in myself due to people like you helping me.

blessings,
Melissa

 

[gene]

And goddessliss,

My question to you would be "why does it matter to you what his reasons are?" If it is over and done with, and there is no emotional involvement, I personally see no reason to be concerned. Maybe I am missing something here though. Of course, I am coming from a man's perspective, and men generally do not get freaked out by things that might seem weird very easily. I know women can be quite skittish, in my opinion to the point of extreme excessiveness.

Now, line 4, the commentary says, "like a horse that goes straight ahead without looking sideways at his mate." Is this describing you, or him, or both of you? The horse is totally focused on the job to be done, and does not concern himself, herself, with what the mate is doing. This does not come from the I Ching, but my personal opinion is that, when a man cares about his children, he is probably going to care about the mother that bore them for the children's sake, if for no other reason. He is not looking at you, he is looking at them. On the other hand, perhaps also, this is the attitude YOU need to take, and not concern yourself with his psychology.

Hopefully this makes some sort of sense.

Gene

 

[goddessliss]

Hi gene,
Yes it does make sense and when the break up happened I just got on with it and I know he cldn't stand it even though he had taken up with another woman. One man told me that even though the man may not be 'romantically' interested in the woman anymore they don't like to think the woman can really survive without them either. I had a meditation that confirmed that way back when as well.
And you are right about why shld I care about his psychological makeup.
Blessings,
Melissa

 

[gene]

Mellissa

It is natural for a man to want to feel like he is needed. Whether it is silly or not, whether it is immature or not, it is just ingrained into us that we be that way. We are hard wired that way, and it is hard to get past it. So yes. And it is hard for men in today's society, because women don't need us for much of anything, unless, of course, they feel a certain chemistry, but basically, we are no longer needed. And I think, though I can't experience it myself, that women are somewhat hard wired into having a need to be respected in one sense or another.

Gene

 

[goddessliss]

Hmm...gene I guess you are right. I am independent generally but what I would like from a man in my life is to have my emotional needs met as well as a great companion for life, to work together and not have gender roles. I wonder what you mean by a woman needing to have respect. Doesn't everybody?

 

[gene]

liss

Yes, everybody does. Maybe respect isn't the right word. Valued might be a better word. And I am talking about a little different kind of respect than the normal generic type. I am not a woman, so I don't know exactly how to explain it. Cared for might be a good word. In a sense it boils down to being needed too, but in a different way. Men feel the need to be needed for their ability to fix things, for their ability to make a living, for their ability to come up with solutions for problems. Women, I think, feel the need to be valued as a person, regardless of any ability to fix things, etc. I don't know. Can you come up with a good way of saying what women need? It is the same in a way but different too.

Gene

 

[goddessliss]

liss

Yes, everybody does. Maybe respect isn't the right word. Valued might be a better word. And I am talking about a little different kind of respect than the normal generic type. I am not a woman, so I don't know exactly how to explain it. Cared for might be a good word. In a sense it boils down to being needed too, but in a different way. Men feel the need to be needed for their ability to fix things, for their ability to make a living, for their ability to come up with solutions for problems. Women, I think, feel the need to be valued as a person, regardless of any ability to fix things, etc. I don't know. Can you come up with a good way of saying what women need? It is the same in a way but different too.

Gene

Gene you have got it right with the words valued and cared for and I think the best way to be able to do that for a woman is to ask them or learn from them how they would like you to care for them them and not do for them what you think they need.
Women are generally natural nurturers and it would be great if men could learn how to do that too.

Liss