Will everything be okay? 11.5 to 5

[brassfeather]

I've been having issues with my boyfriend lately, because sometimes he comes off as judgmental. He has a hard time accepting that people are different and have different ways of doing things. Since talking about it, I think he understands how I feel, and I don't think he was really judging me in a negative way... It's more like he's trying to tell me the things he wishes someone had told him when he was my age (I'm in my mid-twenties, and he's in his early thirties).

Anyway, after talking to him about this, I did a reading asking, "will everything be okay now?" When I asked it, I was picturing all of the happy moments that we have shared recently as well as in the future, like having children and living together. The result was 11.5 changing to 5.

When I researched the changing line in 11.5, I found one commentary that read: "The example of King I's decree that his younger sister must obey her outranked husband is presented. The modest union of the high and the low brings real satisfaction." Does this mean I need to be more accepting of his advice? Usually, I take it negatively and get angry with him for making me feel inadequate.

Also, I am still wondering about the resulting hexagram 5. I have been obsessing lately about whether we have a future or not, if I can handle these issues for the rest of my life. Is the reading telling me to be patient and let things develop slowly?

I would really appreciate any thoughts you guys can share on this one~

 

[ginnie]

Your boyfriend seems to have a personality problem, but that's no reason to give up on him. In fact, your general attitude is to make peace and make every attempt to understand where he's coming from. Live and let live. Line 11.5 for a relationship is said to be very auspicious, even though I know it doesn't often feel that way. I think the main thing that must be understood here is that there is no perfect man, that anyone we meet is going to disappoint us in some ways. Your boyfriend is very critical and you may have to develop a thicker skin to put up with him, but aside from that the oracle has given you both a stamp of approval. It's important in relationships to focus on what's working, not on what isn't working.

 

[cornucopia63]

Hello hexagram 5 advises that sometimes it's to your best interests to wait patiently and trust that everything will work out as it is meant to be. There are factors beyond your control and you can't take direct action. It doesn't mean you can't do nothing to improve things just stand back and look at things exactly as they are not as you might like them to be. Then you'll understand why you have to wait. Don't worry keep your goal. When the time is ripe you will attain it. Good luck!

 

[brassfeather]

Thank you both for the feedback. I think you're right, I need to wait and focus on the present more, as well as taking some things less negatively.

 

[brassfeather]

Updates..

Okay, so since the original post, things had been going really well. We had been more light-hearted and loving towards each other. I was trying really hard to be less serious or sensitive, and it was actually working. I was happier than I have ever been. Then one night, something that started out as pretty insignificant turned into a discussion about how I don't think enough about what I'm doing and sometimes act like a child. (Like I said, he is in his early-thirties, and I am in my mid-twenties.) There is some truth to what he was saying, but he let himself get more annoyed at me than I think I deserved.

That night, feeling very hurt and confused, I did a reading, (I asked how I should respond), and received 32.5.6 to 44 (Lasting changing to Coupling). Lasting seemed like a positive message, but I don't know what to think about Coupling.

The next morning, he apologized for overreacting. I did another reading asking will it be okay/can move past this, and received 7.2.3.5 to 39. Again, the first hexagram seemed to tell me to be constant, and the second hexagram seemed to say that things would never work.

Let me stress again that, at least in my opinion, things before this were better than they had ever been. I don't want to give up on this three-year relationship, but these readings are confusing me. Any insight would be greatly appreciated..

 

[chingching]

Hmm, i've been with older men and what is actual true is that who ever you attract is the same soul age as you. older partners tend to assume they have to teach the younger ones something and the pity about that is that the younger ones then dont speak up enough, when often they have wisdom to share.

When both are sharing their wisdom that is the modest nion of the high and the low, the older person is being modest, and humble accepting that they not only dont know everything but cant and that does not diminish their worth. The younger is humbled when in the face of someone more experienced they take the risk to share wisdom without knowing if its if it helpful, valuable or will be recieved well. What a wonderful interaction though when that does happen, its tears away everything that keeps you separate like assumptions of needing to give advice and all at once, there you are, one soul to another. Something to look forward to!

 

[Trojina]

Okay, so since the original post, things had been going really well. We had been more light-hearted and loving towards each other. I was trying really hard to be less serious or sensitive, and it was actually working. I was happier than I have ever been. Then one night, something that started out as pretty insignificant turned into a discussion about how I don't think enough about what I'm doing and sometimes act like a child. (Like I said, he is in his early-thirties, and I am in my mid-twenties.) There is some truth to what he was saying, but he let himself get more annoyed at me than I think I deserved.

That night, feeling very hurt and confused, I did a reading, (I asked how I should respond), and received 32.5.6 to 44 (Lasting changing to Coupling). Lasting seemed like a positive message, but I don't know what to think about Coupling.

The next morning, he apologized for overreacting. I did another reading asking will it be okay/can move past this, and received 7.2.3.5 to 39. Again, the first hexagram seemed to tell me to be constant, and the second hexagram seemed to say that things would never work.

Let me stress again that, at least in my opinion, things before this were better than they had ever been. I don't want to give up on this three-year relationship, but these readings are confusing me. Any insight would be greatly appreciated..

Well first I'd say as non Yi related advice, beware of someone who keeps pointing out you are not okay just as you are. I mean we all have various weaknesses and so on but if he sets out to criticize you just for being who you are you have to take care not to let this undermine you. If he gives you affection one moment and then this whole criticism thing the next it's quite a poisonous mix. You see if you accept his affection the danger is you may also start to buy his version of you as not quite how you should be etc etc. I think you need to be clear that you don't want these kind of attacks. It is even harder if you have been having good times, it makes you more open to him...but then you are vulnerable if he starts making out you just ain't quite right the person.

Yi's answers how to respond ? 32.5.6>44 It looks as if it were an unwelcome intrusion into your normally happy relationship. Maybe it won't affect it very much and you can relax about it. Having said that I think he needs to know that was a one off (44 ?) you can't go on or buy into these sort of assaults....and I note he is firing at your immaturity. Looking at 32.5 this kind of fits. In 32.5 one is either the young man who needs to explore or the older woman who settles with constancy. The young still need to explore, it isn't time to settle....so which are you ? Are you ready to settle with him ?

Can you get past this ? 7.2.3.5>39. It looks like a fair amount of work to get through this...and again the lines appear to focus on maturity , I mean 7.5. The yang change pattern is 47, this feels heavy and the yin pattern is 21...something needs to be dealt with here. I guess the 44 in the last reading also hinted at that.


Do you feel he has any valid points about your maturity etc ? I mean if he has then he needs to find someone older doesn't he.

Perhaps he needs reminding you are who you are and he chose to be with you.....and if he finds you so faulty maybe he could find someone else ?

I don't know.....I only feel you cannot really tolerate these seemingly random attacks. Maybe you need to talk about it more ? Maybe you need to find out what it's really all about ? Perhaps he feels insecure at your youth ?

 

[beatpoet]

I did another reading asking will it be okay can move past this, and received 7.2.3.5 to 39

You didn't ask about the whole relationship, so the good news is this reply from Yi is limited to this one event. So cheer up!

How to get past this obstacle (39):

A) It is okay to let him lead the "army" at times (be right). Truth is there can only be one captain at a time. (7.3) -- iow, let the guy have his opinion and/or way sometimes. Doesn't mean you have to be wrong for him to be right. Doesn't mean you have to argue your side every time.

B) Don't blow it out of proportion (7.5). Getting overly sensitive or hurt I think would be something to watch for... Like not every disagreement is life or death or predicts the end of the relationship.

C) And remember you have value, remember your own worth as a key member of the "army"; Yi seems to be saying he does (7.2)

beatpoet

 

[brassfeather]

I'm sorry, I forgot to thank everyone for their feedback. We haven't had any issues since this incident. I think he realized that he overreacted, and has been making an effort to be more positive. Anyway, thanks again for all of the input!