Will I be happy if I invest my heart into Jimmy S. and the 'dingo' dog? 52.2>18

[Pineamber]

I hope this entertains. This is my first throw in this community and I didn't realize it would be a shared experience this way. Very special I'm in a relationship with a man who I never thought I would be with because he's a wild man. A few years after knowing him He got inspired one night and played a song, did some love magic, some african drum voodoo, and I ended up over at his house coincidentally trying to heal his dog about a month later. I spent so much time with him and his dog that I saw how deeply he lives and loves. He had lost a wife of 10 years to cancer and has never met another woman for him until me, ten years after her death. I'm happy and unhappy alot. He is a comic, but also a baby and sometimes a caveman with no finesse. Sometimes the jokes aren't good for our relationship. He grew up with alot of brothers. and he's the short one that was supposed to be a girl but ended up being a boy. He is building a beautiful house in Hawaii and wants me to stay there with him for the long run. I love him. I'm scared to stay because he can be patronizing and negative about alot of things that make up my life. studying, discovering, I don't know why he gets so triggered by new ways of looking at things. I feel like im being so ungrateful, he loves me. but he quiets my voice and it feels like a trap sometimes. and sometimes it feels like i found my solid sturdy partner. I feel that readings are good for repositioning perspectives so we can better experience the moment, and moments change, so its wonderful to work with them while they're here! As the reading suggests, I was doing alot of quiet centering and therapy, and i need to get back to it. It's a 30 day accountability group to journal work through old trauma.

 

[Trojina]

No, I don't think you will be happy if you invest your heart here.

Bad signs that don't get better

I love him. I'm scared to stay because he can be patronizing and negative about alot of things that make up my life. studying, discovering, I don't know why he gets so triggered by new ways of looking at things. I feel like im being so ungrateful, he loves me. but he quiets my voice and it feels like a trap sometimes. and sometimes it feels like i found my solid sturdy partner.

Yuk. He's patronizing about your studying and other important things in your life. You feel ungrateful though because he 'loves' you. If he loved you he wouldn't be quietening your voice or putting down the things that interest you.


52.2 is quite a sad line because of the fact that you already are invested and you can't just switch it off because you're already in action. There's also the urge to save here, maybe you want to save him and you can't. Maybe you aren't aware that you want to help him but you can't.

He had lost a wife of 10 years to cancer and has never met another woman for him until me, ten years after her death. I'm happy and unhappy alot. He is a comic, but also a baby and sometimes a caveman with no finesse. Sometimes the jokes aren't good for our relationship.

If you are on an emotional up and down rollercoaster that's a bad sign. If his jokes aren't really funny for you but hurt you that's a bad sign.



Reading your post I get the impression you are trying to build a picture of him to bolster this up but it all sounds like a bad idea and the reading shows why. Sadly however you have to live through letting it go, you won't be able to just walk away.



Please don't be grateful when someone says they love you and then proceed to ridicule your interests, laugh at you, make you feel you can't speak, dampen down who you are. Not being free to be you is a massive price to pay for someone saying 'I love you'. Much harm is committed through those words sometimes, it's like those magic words are meant to make up for the rest of the crap you are putting up with. I don't think he sounds like a nice person.

 

[Trojina]

Very special I'm in a relationship with a man who I never thought I would be with because he's a wild man. A few years after knowing him He got inspired one night and played a song, did some love magic, some african drum voodoo,

He's not a wild man he's just a man with a big ego who you have elevated whilst he puts you down.

 

[Pineamber]

Thank you Trojina. Please forgive me for not replying faster. I really wanted to figure out how to step fully away and then reply, but it Is a process. I'm going fast in a daily process, relearning my values and trying not to hurt anyone who was with me before I woke up from my inner dissonance. It becomes simple when I value myself more. Even he is becoming more simple and can see me more clearly. People treat us the way we treat ourselves. I'm looking for another place to live, staying in my friends place while she travels. And continuing to reveal the show for what it is so I can walk away with everyones dignity intact. hopefully friends. but when I threw the lines, i got this , doesn't look fun or good for the nerves 21.6 to 51.

 

[Pineamber]

looks like even if i don't listen and bite through quickly, I have revelation opening up fast. It's alot of work to make a clean break slowly and gently. I wish I could guide us into an understanding. I will make great efforts to find it. I'll make offerings to us all and especially the helpers Thank you for your time and attention!

 

[Trojina]

People treat us the way we treat ourselves.

Do you think so ? I'm not sure they do. I mean people interrupt me sometimes when I speak but I don't interrupt myself. Sometimes people are much nicer to me than I am to myself and sometimes they might try do things I'd never do to myself such as scam me.

I'm not keen on the idea people treat you how you treat yourself, indeed I'm suspicious of it as a dark side of new age thinking because it's basically a view that is detrimental to the victim, and there are victims. There are people who are treated badly and it has nothing to do with how they treat themselves. I don't like this view because it is callous towards victims. I'm not saying you are callous, indeed you seem very nice, but you might be being callous to yourself, you may be taking on too much responsibility for how things go. Like many women you are pretty ahead of yourself when it comes to self blame possibly ?

I can take what you say as you set your boundaries and if others don't respect them maybe you allowed them to not respect them but even that's not true sometimes. A woman told me the other day a man in these flats, a friend, grabbed her arm behind her back(playfully she said), it hurt and he wouldn't let go so she had to call out for her son. I thought he trampled her boundaries, she wouldn't twist her own arm that hard. Can we say she did it to herself ?


You know best but for what it's worth I'm sensing you are doing all the adapting here while he's being a character of wild man. The fact that he is scornful of your interests and wants to hush you up is not a good sign. I can see why you'd be tempted by his offer, it's exciting, if only he didn't want to remake you into what he wants you, quieter and not talking about the things you love to do.

You didn't say what the question was for 21.6 but well it's choosing not to hear or as Hilary says actually being unable to hear because you can't take more in.

 

[Pineamber]

I finally broke it. I can focus on my life again and not on avoiding the suffering we both need to feel from total honesty. It's a real no and I'm letting go. Now I can get back to doing the real work of being whole and authentic. Thank you friend. There's a buddha named Manjushri that you remind me of. He holds a sword and a book of compassionate wisdom. And when the ego is too much in the way of compassionate revelation, he brings out his black and wrathful fullness and his fiery sword. very good to have met you along this tricky path.

 

[becalm]

So glad to hear you're letting go. He sounds toxic, passive-aggressive and narcissistic.

 

[Viru10]

I'm not keen on the idea people treat you how you treat yourself, indeed I'm suspicious of it as a dark side of new age thinking because it's basically a view that is detrimental to the victim, and there are victims.

This is some solid wisdom, and I think a nice angle on "manifestation".

'm scared to stay because he can be patronizing and negative about alot of things that make up my life. studying, discovering, I don't know why he gets so triggered by new ways of looking at things. I feel like im being so ungrateful, he loves me. but he quiets my voice and it feels like a trap sometimes. and sometimes it feels like i found my solid sturdy partner

This sounds like 52.2. You want to change someone who you ally yourself with, possibly see as higher than yourself, but you ultimately can't change him or re-align him (nor should you). Definitely sounds passive-agressive and on the narcissism (small "n") spectrum.

 

[Pineamber]

So glad to hear you're letting go. He sounds toxic, passive-aggressive and narcissistic.

Yes all those. Also he tries to be smarter, I'm just too challenging for his likes. I think it's trauma from being short and beat up by his mom. He'll be better if I can be myself further away and not insecure at his side. just a friend with my own life who loves him but not that closely it's a very small town, that helps me act so much better in the goodbyes. Everything comes back around I'm learning.

This is some solid wisdom, and I think a nice angle on "manifestation".



This sounds like 52.2. You want to change someone who you ally yourself with, possibly see as higher than yourself, but you ultimately can't change him or re-align him (nor should you). Definitely sounds passive-agressive and on the narcissism (small "n") spectrum.

Im so glad to be free. I can get back to a bigger picture with a better idea of what it's not. I have Pluto and Uranus in the seventh. Im trying to understand how to make this powerful for the good instead of destructive. I think art therapy and working a course I have on cptsd will specify what I actually want to do with these destructive forces so they don't just give me make overs all the time lol

 

[becalm]

Totally get that - a similar guy I was seeing.....mother issues!!