Will my ex and I get back together? 45.1.5.6

[WanderingNick]

Greetings all, some advice sorely needed as I'm going around in circles!
My girlfriend ended things about a month ago. She had been distancing herself for a while beforehand. We had been together for 15 months and are in many ways incredibly compatible. But there were challenges - she had been badly hurt by previous relationships so was very wary of opening herself to love. She often accused me of being 'too accomodating', too willing to please her. I'm only just emerging from a very rough time in my life and was probably not as confident and 'alpha' as she might have liked during our time together. When she ended things she said she saw me more as a 'deeply close friend than a lover' and that she had tried to give it time to see if the chemisty would grow but that it hadn't for her. I've not seen her since but have messaged her, asking her to give it a second go and that we had both been in a bad place last year and that I beleived the chemistry would be there now as things are a lot easier for both of us. She has refused, saying she gave it her best shot but doesnt feel that way about me. We are both now on various dating Apps again. I am also focusing on being less 'accomodating' and stronger in myself (she once said to me 'you're so much more attractive when you are tantalisingly unavailable than when you are needy'). I'm deliberately not seeking to talk to or engage with her at the moment (and have noticed that this has prompted her on a few occasions to reach out to me - messages and phone messages to see how I was). What seems clear is that I mustn't plead to get her back. I need to be firm, resolute, friendly but distant and see if she will come to me?

I cast the following readings:
'How should I relate to her at the moment?' - 10.1.4.5 changing to 4
- treading on the tigers tail and careful but resolute action seems to say 'bide your time and then when the moment is right be bold and you may win her back?

'Guidance on how being unavailable will benefit me regarding her - 45.1.5.6 changing to 27
- I'm confused by this one but have noted that it seems to say that by 'retiring to my ancestral temple' the situation will improve for me (unsure if that means it will me to get over her, or if it means it will encourge her to come to me)

'Is there any way that I can get back together with her?' - 16.4.6 changing to 23
- this one seems much more negative - 23 is all about things being stripped away as the general situation. 16.4 says I have energy and enthusiasm on my side (i.e. I love her and really want her back) but 16.6 seems to say 'this enthusiasm is deluded and you will get a sharp wake up call if you try to get her back)

So bottom line: I'm confused. My overall sense from the readings is that I need to work on myself, but that there is nothing I can do to get her back. However, there seem to be one or two suggestions that she may come back if I 'tread on the tiger's tail' in the right way.

Any help gratefully received!

 

[moss elk]

Hey Nick,

let me know if I understand this?

A woman,
1-who you were in a relationship with unilaterally ended the relationship.
2-who doesn't see or value the real you wants a 'type'.

Are you sure you want to be with someone who doesn't value you?
That you could only please by changing your entire personality?

you are in the 10.4 state now...
wanting to beg her for her attention.

be the one in 10.5, who becomes decisive and chooses to drop her like a hot potato.

Holy moly!
she did you a favor.

 

[WanderingNick]

I've also noticed that Hex45.6 says: Any approach toward union will meet with rejection. This will bring you frustration because your intentions are misunderstood. Turn your attention inward instead, in order to penetrate the meaning of this disharmony. An inner accord with your Self will strengthen your position, and unity may become possible after all.

...ie if I do try to get her back right now, the answer will be a clear and simple 'no', but that if I fully understand how I need to change and develop, she may end up drawn back to me afterall?

Hey Nick,

let me know if I understand this?

A woman,
1-who you were in a relationship with unilaterally ended the relationship.
2-who doesn't see or value the real you wants a 'type'.

Are you sure you want to be with someone who doesn't value you?
That you could only please by changing your entire personality?

you are in the 10.4 state now...
wanting to beg her for her attention.

be the one in 10.5, who becomes decisive and chooses to drop her like a hot potato.

Holy moly!
she did you a favor.

thanks Moss Elk...and it is something many of my friends have said too. I see the possibility of a radiant relationship with her...if only some things could be resolved, so I am searching for a way to either definitively end it or make it work. The 'walk away she's not worth it' option is possibly the only sane choice but it feels like giving up too easily. Mad I know!

 

[WanderingNick]

Ive just been looking back at the moving lines for 45:

Line 1
Legge: The first line, magnetic, shows its subject with a sincere desire for union, but unable to carry it out, so that disorder is created. If she cries out for help to her proper correlate, all at once her tears will give place to smiles. She need not mind the temporary difficulty; as she goes forward, there will be no error.

Line 5
Legge: The fifth line, dynamic, shows the union of all under its subject in the place of dignity. There will be no error. If any have no confidence in him, let him see to it that his virtue is great, long-continued, and firmly correct, and all occasion for repentance will disappear.

Wilhelm/Baynes: If in gathering together one has position, this brings no blame. If there are some who are not yet sincerely in the work, sublime and enduring perseverance is needed. Then remorse disappears.

Line 6
Legge: The sixth line, magnetic, shows its subject sighing and weeping; but there will be no error.
Siu: The man does not remain inactive in his high position but seeks alliance with another, who misjudges him. He is saddened by the rebuff. But the unity will come eventually as a result of his determination.

This all seems to say: bide my time, pick my moment, I need to physically see her to make any progress (but only when the time is right); that if I approach the meeting in the right way and are determined I will eventually get back together with her, but it will take determination?

 

[Viru10]

Agreed with ME, this looks like overall guidance to move on. And you will be better off for doing so.

Interesting how many people seek divination for getting an ex back. This is probably the most common relationship question when it comes to divination (like Tarot/I-Ching etc), but may be the most common question in general. Just an interesting note.

The question: "Guidance on how being unavailable will benefit me regarding her" feels kind of convoluted so I'd advise disregarding this one. 16.4.6>23 is probably the most relevant to what you're actually looking for. Line 4 isn't actually so 'optimistic' as it sounds and line 6 can sometimes be about over-enthusiasm without a real direction. Perhaps indicating you should seek out help and talk with someone about it.

Anyways up to you to see how it plays out. It's tough to discriminate between the answer you want to hear and the answer the Yi is giving you but I think your last question is the most direct one regarding this inquiry and it's a pretty clear answer.

 

[bologna_tendra]

Wandering Nick I recall you asked the same things regarding this situation last month and it sounds to me like you have put this woman on a pedestal throughout your relationship (and still do) and overestimate her value - and women hate it when men do this - they don't actually respect men that do this. I say it as a man who has been in the position you are in now in the past. Check out Dating Coach Corey Wayne on youtube if you like and listen to his advice. You don't need this woman. Get another one, or even better date 2, 3, or 4 other women for a time and see what fits you. Pump some iron, read some Yukio Mishima, get out of this unproductive headspace.

 

[moss elk]

I see imagine* the possibility of a radiant relationship with her...if only some things could be resolved. reality were different than it were*

Nick, I took the liberty of editing your sentence here. I hope you don't mind.

 

[Mayorka]

Sorry to say but from your answers is clear that there is no hope here.
From my life experience I have learnt that if something breaks it can't be as before. When a relationship ends you have to move on... always! If you try to fix it you will suffer more. This is a life lesson you have to learn someday.