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Will the real United States please stand up

dfreed

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First, I'll start with a really good joke:

Mom and Pop Potato say to their daughter: 'We think it's time you got married, and we know of a really nice Idaho Russet whom we think would be a good match for you.'

Daughter Potato: 'But I don't want to marry some local boy, I want to marry Walter Cronkite!'

Mom and Pop: 'You can't marry him.'

Daughter: 'Why?'

Mom and Pop: 'Because he's a Common Tater!'

Now, I think that is a really good (albeit silly) joke, but it also opens doors to deeper meanings. You know, out of the mouths of babes (or older people who like telling silly kids jokes) ....

According to many on the Alt-Right, today, March 4 is the day that Donald Trump will be (I'm not sure of the right word here?) ... install? enthroned? appointed? as the 19th President of the Restored Republic of the United States of American. And since high noon - the appointed time of his ... ascension to the throne - has come and gone, I have to assume that it didn't really happen. Imagine my shock! or as Gomer Pyle USMC used to say 'surprise, surprise, surprise!'

There is a theory behind all this, which is as make-believe as it is convoluted; briefly: in the 1800s Congress passed a law making Washington DC a 'corporation' and hence the US was no longer a nation - but now Trump, behind the genius, male superhero that he is, will swoop in and restore our nation so we can be 'real' nation again!

What goes unexplained - besides the teeny, weenie fact that all of this is bat-shit crazy - is the fact that people who believe this had no issue at all with the good old United States when Trump was inaugurated as our 45th President, but now that he's lost, his consolation prize is that he now gets to become the make-believe leader of a new, made-up nation!

To his credit, I don't think that even Trump - as much as he wants to sit on the throne again - believes in this nonsense (though I know he's aware of it). But at the same time, I'm pretty sure he has no problems with people believing any of this!

But I started here with a really great joke, and so returning to that .... In honor of this illustrious day - that has slipped by rather uneventfully for me - I propose that Donald J. Trump be named the PPP of the new USA! PPP is the acronym for his official title, Penis Potato President, more affectionately know as the Dick Tater!

Best, D
 

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