Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).
Hi, I'm currently barely talking with my couple. I fight a lot with him because he's very fearful about opening himself up to someone sentimentally and relationship-wise speaking, and I'm quick-tempered and always get frustrated at him about that. I have tried many times to make him understand that I want him to open up so that I can feel confident and have a deeper relationship but he doesn't trust me because of my temper and thinks I'll keep fighting with him. I guess even with a calmer temper I might have not achieved to make him open up because he hasn't opened up himself to his relationships before meeting me (friends or couples...).
So currently, the situation is very delicate because I fight with him and he withdraws, and we are both very hurt because of each other's behaviour and he says he doesn't know what to say or do so that we can be well together. I was feeling like that a week ago but then we swapped places a few days ago :S
I'm lately thinking a lot about what can I do to improve the relationship, if this is a karma relationship... If the lesson I have to learn is to skip this kind of partner that doesn't commit himself to me and breakup or if, for instance, the problem is just that I have to stop complaining and accept to other person, or the lesson is both skipping this kind of partner and changing my character? I'm really stuck because I don't want to make the wrong decision and losing him... In the meanwhile, I try hard to change my temper and learn to say things in an assertive way. I feel like I'm slowly starting to control my inner child (quick-temper) and my better self is starting to take more control of my anger/frustration. My heart says I give it a last shot trying to stay caring and assertive, and make things clear that if things don't change and he commits, that I cannot carry on with the relationship because it hurts too much and then I get angry at him and we both get hurt...
My question to the I-Ching was: Will we meet again soon?
And it answered:
24.1.4>16
According to other lectures, this seems a positive answer...
----------------------------------
I'll try to make a read of it:
24: "After a time of decay comes the turning point. The powerful light that has
been banished returns. There is movement, but it is not brought about by
force. The upper trigram K'un is characterized by devotion; thus the
movement is natural, arising spontaneously. For this reason the
transformation of the old becomes easy. The old is discarded and the new is
introduced. Both measures accord with the time; therefore no harm results.
Societies of people sharing the same views are formed. But since these
groups come together in full public knowledge and are in harmony with the
time, all selfish separatist tendencies are excluded, and no mistake is made.
The idea of RETURN is based on the course of nature. The movement is
cyclic, and the course completes itself. Therefore it is not necessary to hasten
anything artificially. Everything comes of itself at the appointed time. This is
the meaning of heaven and earth."
1: Not from far returning. Without reverence or regret. Very auspicious.
The best way to return from an error is from out one’s own insight. Regret also makes one return, but usually too late. Someone telling you is a way too, but when your own insight is not part of it, you will probably make the same fault again (.. and again). Whereas insight gives your life its real destination – the highest one fate has in stock for you.
4: Move central (halfway), return alone.
Meet others, don’t reject them and don’t submit to their views, but meet them halfway. Respect everyone in their uniqueness, yourself just as well. So return to yourself again after every encounter.
(if I read 1 and 4 at deoxy.org it doesn't sound so favorable as it does at Lise's Iching but still sounds favorable...)
16: The time of ENTHUSIASM derives from the fact that there is at hand an
eminent man who is in sympathy with the spirit of the people and acts in
accord with it. Hence he finds universal and willing obedience. To arouse
enthusiasm it is necessary for a man to adjust himself and his ordinances to
the character of those whom he has to lead. The inviolability of natural laws
rests on this principle of movement along the line of least resistance. Theses
laws are not forces external to things but represent the harmony of
movement immanent in them. That is why the celestial bodies do not
deviate from their orbits and why all events in nature occur with fixed
regularity. It is the same with human society: only such laws are rooted in
popular sentiment can be enforced, while laws violating this sentiment
merely arouse resentment.
Again, it is enthusiasm that enables us to install helpers for the completion
of an undertaking without fear of secret opposition. It is enthusiasm too that
can unify mass movements, as in war, so that they achieve victory.
----------------------------------
Like it was literally repiting the thoughts I have now about what I should do about the relationship rather than answering giving me a direct answer about whether we're gonna meet or not...?
I guess the iching is talking about how I need to change my way of behaving to change things in my relationship??
This is some rambling after making the reading and think about it and the relationship:
I'm trying to meet to talk so that we can expose in a mature way how we feel, what I need, what he needs and what can we do for each other to achieve a better relationship and feel comfortable with each other. The thing is the times I've tried to do that, he closes up saying he's afraid to open up, that he may try... But it ends up with me getting angry at him again and him closing up more because I get angry at him and justifying himself because of my reaction. So it's a circle that I don't know how to break. So I'd like to meet and meet half way, just as the iching says in the reading, but I'm also thinking I cannot do that with him because he is too immature or my character just doesn't fit his needs to feel secure so it'd be better for both to give him an ultimatum, stop trying and be honest to myself and say: I cannot bear this anymore, I love you but we either meet half way (you mature, I control my anger) or we break up? I don't know if getting more direct/agressive will solve anything, because when I have tried to give him an ultimatum, I haven't been able to hold that decision for too long because his reaction has been: "So this is an ultimatum? If you want to break up, I don't want to hold you back. I want you to be happy..". and I break down and feel bad and say to myself: "Ok, i'll hold on a little more to see if he opens up"... I think I need to show him that I love him but that I won't be accepting his "I'm afraid" attitude anymore... combined with me showing I'm really meaning to stop getting angry and being more assertive...
What do you think the Iching is telling me?
So currently, the situation is very delicate because I fight with him and he withdraws, and we are both very hurt because of each other's behaviour and he says he doesn't know what to say or do so that we can be well together. I was feeling like that a week ago but then we swapped places a few days ago :S
I'm lately thinking a lot about what can I do to improve the relationship, if this is a karma relationship... If the lesson I have to learn is to skip this kind of partner that doesn't commit himself to me and breakup or if, for instance, the problem is just that I have to stop complaining and accept to other person, or the lesson is both skipping this kind of partner and changing my character? I'm really stuck because I don't want to make the wrong decision and losing him... In the meanwhile, I try hard to change my temper and learn to say things in an assertive way. I feel like I'm slowly starting to control my inner child (quick-temper) and my better self is starting to take more control of my anger/frustration. My heart says I give it a last shot trying to stay caring and assertive, and make things clear that if things don't change and he commits, that I cannot carry on with the relationship because it hurts too much and then I get angry at him and we both get hurt...
My question to the I-Ching was: Will we meet again soon?
And it answered:
24.1.4>16
According to other lectures, this seems a positive answer...
----------------------------------
I'll try to make a read of it:
24: "After a time of decay comes the turning point. The powerful light that has
been banished returns. There is movement, but it is not brought about by
force. The upper trigram K'un is characterized by devotion; thus the
movement is natural, arising spontaneously. For this reason the
transformation of the old becomes easy. The old is discarded and the new is
introduced. Both measures accord with the time; therefore no harm results.
Societies of people sharing the same views are formed. But since these
groups come together in full public knowledge and are in harmony with the
time, all selfish separatist tendencies are excluded, and no mistake is made.
The idea of RETURN is based on the course of nature. The movement is
cyclic, and the course completes itself. Therefore it is not necessary to hasten
anything artificially. Everything comes of itself at the appointed time. This is
the meaning of heaven and earth."
1: Not from far returning. Without reverence or regret. Very auspicious.
The best way to return from an error is from out one’s own insight. Regret also makes one return, but usually too late. Someone telling you is a way too, but when your own insight is not part of it, you will probably make the same fault again (.. and again). Whereas insight gives your life its real destination – the highest one fate has in stock for you.
4: Move central (halfway), return alone.
Meet others, don’t reject them and don’t submit to their views, but meet them halfway. Respect everyone in their uniqueness, yourself just as well. So return to yourself again after every encounter.
(if I read 1 and 4 at deoxy.org it doesn't sound so favorable as it does at Lise's Iching but still sounds favorable...)
16: The time of ENTHUSIASM derives from the fact that there is at hand an
eminent man who is in sympathy with the spirit of the people and acts in
accord with it. Hence he finds universal and willing obedience. To arouse
enthusiasm it is necessary for a man to adjust himself and his ordinances to
the character of those whom he has to lead. The inviolability of natural laws
rests on this principle of movement along the line of least resistance. Theses
laws are not forces external to things but represent the harmony of
movement immanent in them. That is why the celestial bodies do not
deviate from their orbits and why all events in nature occur with fixed
regularity. It is the same with human society: only such laws are rooted in
popular sentiment can be enforced, while laws violating this sentiment
merely arouse resentment.
Again, it is enthusiasm that enables us to install helpers for the completion
of an undertaking without fear of secret opposition. It is enthusiasm too that
can unify mass movements, as in war, so that they achieve victory.
----------------------------------
Like it was literally repiting the thoughts I have now about what I should do about the relationship rather than answering giving me a direct answer about whether we're gonna meet or not...?
I guess the iching is talking about how I need to change my way of behaving to change things in my relationship??
This is some rambling after making the reading and think about it and the relationship:
I'm trying to meet to talk so that we can expose in a mature way how we feel, what I need, what he needs and what can we do for each other to achieve a better relationship and feel comfortable with each other. The thing is the times I've tried to do that, he closes up saying he's afraid to open up, that he may try... But it ends up with me getting angry at him again and him closing up more because I get angry at him and justifying himself because of my reaction. So it's a circle that I don't know how to break. So I'd like to meet and meet half way, just as the iching says in the reading, but I'm also thinking I cannot do that with him because he is too immature or my character just doesn't fit his needs to feel secure so it'd be better for both to give him an ultimatum, stop trying and be honest to myself and say: I cannot bear this anymore, I love you but we either meet half way (you mature, I control my anger) or we break up? I don't know if getting more direct/agressive will solve anything, because when I have tried to give him an ultimatum, I haven't been able to hold that decision for too long because his reaction has been: "So this is an ultimatum? If you want to break up, I don't want to hold you back. I want you to be happy..". and I break down and feel bad and say to myself: "Ok, i'll hold on a little more to see if he opens up"... I think I need to show him that I love him but that I won't be accepting his "I'm afraid" attitude anymore... combined with me showing I'm really meaning to stop getting angry and being more assertive...
What do you think the Iching is telling me?