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Hexagram 21-->54 - I think it's over..

booie

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This question is about interpreting 21-->54 which I got when I asked about my marriage. "is it over?". We have been separated since Aug 2007, we have always argued quite a bit, he has a very harsh tongue. I find arguing excruciatingly painful. Recently my life was devastated by the death of my truly beloved daughter, she and he had never even met due to unfortunate circumstances. But technically he was still her stepfather. During her illness he was very supportive through calls and prayer. But after her death, he went back to his harsh ways and told me by phone that a plan that I was contemplating was doomed to failure. He was so mean and cruel that it took my breath away. (My daughter was involved in fashion and I had planned to sell her large collection of fashionable shoes) I was already very low in spirits, and my husband's harsh attack was very painful He then hung up on me and refused to take my subsequent calls. Since that time he has never called me to offer any kindness or support. This was around 2 weeks ago.

Until that time he has been making a lot of promises to me and my son, my only other child. My son was beginning to count on him and to forgive him for past offenses. Now, it's been total silence. He is very success and society orientated, is concerned about social and monetary success. Now that things have gone very south for me, his life is looking up. I wish him the best, but I can't help thinking that this is not was a good husband does. Can a person be considered a friend if he abandons you in your darkest hour, after provoking you and insulting you over the phone?

Who is x to me --> 12 unchanging.

The I Ching constantly gives me positives about him which I find very disconcerting. I have been very unhappy with him in the past. It's only because he pursued me and worked hard to convince me that I even considered going back to him. He was constantly calling me for these long silent calls, where I would try to fill the silence with chitchat, or advice or whatever. He was constantly telling me he loved me and then insulting me or criticizing me harshly. He then hangs up, or refuses to speak, forcing me to hang up. He then waits 2weeks and calls me again, full of lovey-dovey sentiments. This is be going on ever since I left him.

What is my future with X -->19.2-->24
Does this mean that this man will continue this pattern for the rest of our lives?

Will X ever treat me with love and kindness?
40.3.4.5-->24

What is my destiny with X
37 unchanging
Does this mean that we are a family, despite the unhappiness of our marriage?

We live in different nations. I am considering cutting everything short by divorcing him in a very short while, because I would like to find more kindness and harmony than he has offered me.

What will happen if I divorce X?
22.3.6-->24
I don't understand all these 24's? Does this mean that we get back together or that I go back to my true self?

I have also been getting a lot of 62's. I have never appreciated this Hexagram or understood it very well for that matter. Is there anybody out there who would care to comment on the Hex results which I received? I would really appreciate any helpful insight.

Thank you,
Booie
 

willowfox

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Who is x to me --> 12 unchanging.

****X is obviously a person you should do your best to avoid as Hex 12 indicates a rather unpleasant individual that you don't need at all. Therefore X is a person who will try to bring you down hence the idea of being a stagnating influence in your life.

What is my future with X -->19.2-->24

****You are now separated, keep it that way and one day you will be able to find a complete release from this man.

Will X ever treat me with love and kindness?
40.3.4.5-->24

****No! Look at the lines, this man is your burden that is hanging around your neck, he is and will cause you to feel humiliated. Therefore you need to extricate yourself from his influence by completely cutting him off, which means blocking all communications with the fellow.

What is my destiny with X
37 unchanging

****You stay home, he goes out. Your destiny lies with your son.

What will happen if I divorce X?
22.3.6-->24

****You will be released, the s*** will end and you will be "reborn" in a manner of speaking.


You at those Hex 24s indicating a turning point in your life once he is out of the picture for good.
 

themis

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Lady, you deserve better! Don't know how you could possibly contemplate a reunion after all
that you've been through. This chap entices you and charms you back into his dangerous den, then
draws strength from berating you, etc. He's an 'obstruction' (12) in your life.

Hex. 37 depicts a household, without changing lines it can indicate a 'woman's trial' (lack of harmony).
Indeed, in 24 the message in this context is that you'll 'return' to your "true self". The lines in 22 reinforce the idea of separation being beneficial. The first suggests you'll be 'soaked' in adornment 'significance' ...wow ... and thereafter it'll be pure and simple adornment, 'above acquiring purpose indeed' (Ritsema & Sabbadini) hence the colour white.

Having suffered such loss, one so dear to you, you certainly need someone uplifting, understanding
and kind around you. If he's often so harsh the trouble may lie with himself, something deep-seated.
But that's not your problem, certainly not when he swings from nice to nasty so frequently.
Note that 19.2 'nearing' is auspicious. However, it follows the question 'who is X to me' hence
the response is in contradiction as the old sage responded he's no good the first time.
Take care, be strong, have faith.
 
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ginnie

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He's an 'obstruction' (12) in your life.

I agree, booie. The worst kind of obstruction. Someone who is always moving in the exact opposite direction to the direction you are going. Total miscommunication and never connecting; almost like a sickness. It's not correct when man and woman are like this. It can lead to illness.

Maybe you are a very loyal person and so you feel you and this man belong together as "family," perhaps for the sake of your son. But look at the role you would be playing. It would not at all be congenial or suitable for you -- and deep down you don't want it.

Since you are not living together with this man at this time, you are essentially free of him already in very important ways.

Try to keep in mind that the discordance comes from his personality and that he was deeply affected, too, when your daughter died. Sometimes hatred is the tie that binds people together more strongly than any steel lock. Release the anger at his failures to communicate, to connect, and I think you will find that you will be free entirely ...
 

ginnie

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What will happen if I divorce X?
22.3.6-->24

I would ask instead these two questions:

'What will I gain if I divorce X?'

and, alternatively, 'What will I lose if I divorce X?'

It seems that 'what will happen' if you divorce X is that your outer circumstances will come to reflect more who you are inside. And after that, you won't care so much for appearances -- society and all that -- anymore.
 

booie

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I want to say thanks for the helpful insight and interpretations. This has been like a balm on my heart since I have been carrying this matter alone for quite a while. Thanks to each and every one of you. Willowfox, Themis and Ginnie. I followed Ginnie's suggestion and asked these questions:
What will happen if I divorce X
43.1.2.5-->62
What will gain if I divorce X
48.5-->46
What will I lose if I divorce X
59.4-->6

Sometimes I do care what society thinks, but pretty rarely. I am not sure how to consider this part of the interpretation. Thanks again.
 

ginnie

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What will gain if I divorce X
48.5-->46

The Well. It is important that we have a pure wellspring when we are on (what is essentially) a spiritual journey.

What will I lose if I divorce X
59.4-->6

You will not have to quarrel with anyone anymore. You would disperse some people currently around you who have 'proved themselves inimical to the public good,' as John Blofeld wrote in his translation of the I Ching.

The only thing is, 43.1.2.5 > 62 indicates that right now might not be a good time to attempt the divorce. It is shameful to attempt something like that and then fail, says the I Ching. Because to try to uproot him from your life would be like trying to pull wet spinach up out of the ground. The more you work at it, the more those wet stems and leaves would be breaking off in your fingers! What a mess! And the relating hexagram, H62, seems to be saying: "Don't rock the boat!"

This is a time of transition for you. Your marriage is problematic, but you don't have to let the problems take over the rest of your life. Put your marriage in its proper perspective.

You cannot leap from the bottom (disharmonious marriage) to the top (pure water in your Well), in one large jump. Therefore, don't let your marriage preoccupy you to the point that you neglect the other areas of your life. Strengthen yourself, because the hexagram 46 you received (above) indicates that this will be a step-by-step process and you will need to make continuous, long-term efforts to climb those steps one by one.
 
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booie

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I think all the 24s I had been getting meant that the person would be returning. My husband did call me this morning after so many days of silence. I have always thought of 24 as an indication that someone/thing would be returning.

Thanks Ginnie for your comments. It's true that one has only so much energy - and a divorce would probably be very exhausting. I probably can't handle - even though I haven't asked the I Ching about it. Once again, many thanks to those who so graciously responded.
 

willowfox

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We have been separated since Aug 2007, we have always argued quite a bit, he has a very harsh tongue. I find arguing excruciatingly painful.

You ask the question, "Is it over?" and you have now been separated for 3 years, what do you think yourself?

And now you think that Hex 24 is about him returning, all sweet and apple pie, and you seem to be wanting him back.

Can you not see the writing on the wall? Can you not see that it is well and truly over unless you are happy to continue with the fighting and the arguments, the tension and the stress. Self mutilation.

Divorce him as that what your answer is advising you to do. I just cannot understand why you are still in contact with him, for me I would have cut all contact years ago, and marched into court and told the judge the facts and thus permanently ended the story.
 

sammy

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She is still in contact with him out of fear, insecurity and the fact that being divorced officially is unpalatable for her. Truly sorry for your awful loss. It's one thing to be separated, and another one to be divorced. This is extreme fear talking. Just too many losses in a relatively short period of time for one person.
Hope things will change for you.

S
 

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