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Thread: Blog post: Advice for relationship readings

  1. #11
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    Glad you like the article, Cristal

    I think I understand what you're saying - time spent talking with the Yi instead of with him helps to clarify your own feelings, if only because you see what questions you're asking. Makes sense. Only thing is... I definitely didn't write this to encourage you to talk to the oracle instead of to him. Rather the opposite.

    Have you asked that question I suggested about improving communication?

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    cristal (April 27th, 2011)

  3. #12

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    Quote Originally Posted by hilary View Post
    Glad you like the article, Cristal

    I think I understand what you're saying - time spent talking with the Yi instead of with him helps to clarify your own feelings, if only because you see what questions you're asking. Makes sense. Only thing is... I definitely didn't write this to encourage you to talk to the oracle instead of to him. Rather the opposite.

    Have you asked that question I suggested about improving communication?
    NO!! I missed that question!!! And it is really important..because it is the m,ost important to understand each other. He has huge issues with communicating, and I dont have clue how to arrive to him when he is withdrawing that can take ages...

    I will ask tonight at my midnight, I like that time. Thank you..so many questions I asked and I did not asked the main!


  4. #13

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    Quote Originally Posted by cristal View Post
    I like your post., In fact I am one of the person lost between what to ask or not ask.
    But I must say that asking so many times, it has helped me quite bit to get more clear about myself, the emotions I am living. It is not only with the interpretations given to me and found by myself, but it is also with kind of awareness about my own feelings and direction that comes to me when I am reading what I write/ask.

    It has helped me to clear the fog of emotions and it has been very helpful with stopping me from contacting him, because instead of running to contact him, I find a way to indirectly ask him and then whilst I do this I get more clear of my next step.
    Asking many questions, it has also made me learn more, because I go around the Internet reading different interpretations and trying to understand what fit more with my situation.


    Thank you!
    Asking Yi is not a way to 'indirectly ask him' Cristal. The I Ching cannot speak his mind for him. I felt that was some of what Hilary was trying to say. If you think the I Ching speaks his mind how will you ever know unless he confirms himself.

    If you are continually asking the I Ching what hes thinking and planning and feeling then you are getting ever further away from him...so Yi isn't making the relationship more alive...just more alive in your mind...but not in reality.


    The point is contacting him is ultimately the only true way to know how he feels and if he doesn't choose to divulge it for any reason then you won't know. Somewhere I feel you missed some of the point of Hilarys post ?

    If you cannot communicate with him then it is a mistake to think you can communicate with him via the I Ching. If you think you can you might lead yourself down some very misleading paths.
    Last edited by Trojina; April 28th, 2011 at 12:12 AM.

  5. #14

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    Quote Originally Posted by trojan View Post
    Asking Yi is not a way to 'indirectly ask him' Cristal. The I Ching cannot speak his mind for him. I felt that was some of what Hilary was trying to say. If you think the I Ching speaks his mind how will you ever know unless he confirms himself.

    If you are continually asking the I Ching what hes thinking and planning and feeling then you are getting ever further away from him...so Yi isn't making the relationship more alive...just more alive in your mind...but not in reality.


    The point is contacting him is ultimately the only true way to know how he feels and if he doesn't choose to divulge it for any reason then you won't know. Somewhere I feel you missed the point of Hilarys post ?

    If you cannot communicate with him then it is a mistake to think you can communicate with him via the I Ching. If you think you can you might lead yourself down some very misleading paths
    What I meant with "using the reading for communicating with him" , it was that reading the Iching and making questions it helps me to find answers about my situation with him. And yes, somehow when we ask a question that regards two people by sure the reading must include an interpretation of the thoughts of the other person. Because by example if I ask what would be the consequences of maybe calling him and asking to meet me? Any answer of the IChing must be considering what he is thinking, what is in his heart, otherwise in what its the answer based?We are two included in the reading, every time I read.
    I must say I got a bit confused with what you write her, because somehow I think the Iching also answers to me about him. When I ask by example how convenient this situation is for me?, the reading must include the other person, because the positive or negative of the consequences it depends on a connection, this means on him and me.
    Please correct me if I am wrong.

    I feel I am gaining with asking many times, like I wrote before. I feel much awareness of myself of my own feelings, thanks to reading my own questions. I feel surrendering, even if not yet hundred per cent, its too early, but I know I am stepping forward.
    I want to learn to make better questions, like Hillary Wrote , I never have asked what can I do to improve my communication with him, that is the main issue we have.

    And the answer, must give me an insight on him also, because otherwise would not it be incorrect?

    I am not trying to make the relationship more alive with reading, I wish I could!. I am trying to become myself more alive after this impasse I had with him. But the Iching should guide me how to become stronger, how to live the moment and what steps to take to improve the situation. When I ask this things, my relationship with myself become more alive. I contacted him enough times, he is the withdrawing type, erecting walls of silence that are always difficult for me to live , he keeps anger inside, I am the opposite. I know I can't contact him anymore till he comes back and reading and asking show me the way to wait, with him the communication it is very hard.

    Till now, I have asked I think. What can happen if..? I think I asked too many times (daily) give me an insight into my relationship and I also asked what is the future of my relationship and yes I need to change questions. I asked then what I can do to erase him from my heart,, and lately I started asking about other people I have met.

    But mainly what I meant was that reading and interpreting ease my wait and help me to learn about myself. And then I learn about him also because I have to think in everything what have happened between us and I then can see him more clearly.

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    moses (October 28th, 2012)

  7. #15

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    well yes I guess if you ask a question such as "what is the conseqeunce if I call him" then to a degree Yi must take his reactions into account or it could not answer you...but personally I think it would be better to call him and actually receive the reality of the consequence from him because if you never called him because you believe Yi tells you not to then you would never actually really know what the consequence would have been anyway

    It sounds, like many others, you are trying to manage the relationship as if it were a complex game and you need the right move with Yis help to succeed. This really does not ever work, you will not be able to navigate the relationship at a distance without direct communication from him IMO.

    If you say asking often has helped you emotionally I believe you and of course you must ask whatever questions you think will help you....all thats being said i think is that asking about how someone feels about you when you aren't in communication can lead to all kinds of misplaced assumptions which can actually lead to more heartbreak in the end if one has drifted a bit far from base.

    In the main I think Yi advises us about us...but women here constantly use it as a way to know what their love interests think..(.we had a moderation thread about it, I don't know if you saw it http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/frien...ad.php?t=12456 but thats what gave rise to the sticky Hilary wrote..).using it that way does have particular pitfalls so its unfortunate the vast majority of females only ever ask these questions here...hence the need for the sticky

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    cristal (April 28th, 2011)

  9. #16
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    I'm starting to think that maybe there's something necessary about the process - first asking how he feels and what he'd do and so on, then gradually coming back to yourself. It certainly doesn't look from outside as though the 'how does he feel, how would he react...?' questions are helping anyone or anything, but maybe it's just part of an evolution. Maybe there isn't a route to 'How to be with this?' that doesn't go through 'What if I called him?'.

    Maybe I'm making the same mistake here I've made in the past talking to individual clients and encouraging them to ask more open or empowering questions. I once had someone agree absolutely that this was the better question to ask, so I went ahead and delivered a nice in-depth lucid reading... and then she said plaintively that all she really wanted to know was whether it would happen. All of that nice in-depth lucid reading had flown right past her, because it wasn't answering the question she was really asking. Maybe it's not so easy to change the question you're really asking 'on demand'?

  10. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to hilary For This Useful Post:

    answeredquestions (March 7th, 2012), cristal (April 28th, 2011), moses (October 28th, 2012)

  11. #17

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    Quote Originally Posted by hilary View Post
    I'm starting to think that maybe there's something necessary about the process - first asking how he feels and what he'd do and so on, then gradually coming back to yourself. It certainly doesn't look from outside as though the 'how does he feel, how would he react...?' questions are helping anyone or anything, but maybe it's just part of an evolution. Maybe there isn't a route to 'How to be with this?' that doesn't go through 'What if I called him?'.
    Steve Marshall said virtually the same thing years ago...like it was a process everyone kind of goes through with Yi, the obsessive questioning etc in the end one does return to self yes

    Maybe I'm making the same mistake here I've made in the past talking to individual clients and encouraging them to ask more open or empowering questions. I once had someone agree absolutely that this was the better question to ask, so I went ahead and delivered a nice in-depth lucid reading... and then she said plaintively that all she really wanted to know was whether it would happen. All of that nice in-depth lucid reading had flown right past her, because it wasn't answering the question she was really asking. Maybe it's not so easy to change the question you're really asking 'on demand'?

    The 'problem' is not that people go through the process, because I think it probably is part of a common process, been there myself...but you cannot really invite others into your world of obsessive questioning, its yours, its internal, by and large your process takes it time, can be painful. People try to ease that by posting here and wanting everyone else to join in their process, not cast light on readings really but to participate in their process around obsessive relationship questions.

    Many people don't want to do that, get tired of being invited to participate in that, knowing actually full well it is a process and the person will have to do it on their own . Thats why many answers suggest the person returns to themselves.

    Perhaps asking others to participate in this process actaully holds it up. When the pace gets frantic, when a person is frantically posting a whole load of threads all about the current obsession then maybe the onus is on them to think about how much they want to try to pass their stuff off for everyone else to deal with or whether they could actually help themselves more by living in their own process first


    The fact is anyway other people don't keep responding when someone is publically going through this process in a mega frantic way....as its very tiring and possibly pointless....becasue they have to do it themselves.
    Last edited by Trojina; April 28th, 2011 at 12:31 PM.

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    cristal (April 28th, 2011)

  13. #18

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    Quote Originally Posted by trojan View Post
    Steve Marshall said virtually the same thing years ago...like it was a process everyone kind of goes through with Yi, the obsessive questioning etc in the end one does return to self yes

    It is for me that way, and observing others post I do believe it is a normal process. I guess most of us need others to support us in certain difficult life processes. I believe aloneness it is essential but sometimes especially when you are at the critic moment of confronting something, a mourning, any kind of lost, talking loudly about it can abolutely help to healing-going back to yourself-.
    I cant talk about others
    . But I guess that every mourning its a process of..first an intese feeling of lost, where we feel alone and empty, we have lost something, a moment of fear where we need support, independently of how strong we are inside we all need support.The Iching then provides that support, because as Isaid just formulating the question and reading interpretations many times, it greatly help to clear the fog caused by the pain of the lost and then you are able to follow the steps indicated. Clearing the fog it means you are getting back your balance and then the number of readings will become less.
    In regard to the number of reading,you call it obsessive, but what its the normal number of readings, I think it depnds on the person. I have read Iching book authours where they say that we should read it as often as we feel to read it, because reading continuously you get more awareness of your feelings, then you return home faster (what I believe it is happening to me)).


    The 'problem' is not that people go through the process, because I think it probably is part of a common process, been there myself...but you cannot really invite others into your world of obsessive questioning, its yours, its internal, by and large your process takes it time, can be painful. People try to ease that by posting here and wanting everyone else to join in their process, not cast light on readings really but to participate in their process around obsessive relationship questions.

    I am not sure about what you say here its right. We can invite others to the process, an invitation is a gentle request, nobody is obliged to give their time and interpretation. If the Talk section here its open and free for everybody to post and ask , isnt this a talk when who feels to give of his/her time , it is welcomed to give it?.

    In my case many times my questions have not received an answer, and I go myself and try to read as much as I can about t the hexagram and understand myself from the book and from inside myself.

    In my personal case, I am a very extroverse person,very much in touch with my feelings and myself. But trying to learn the Iching , I found the Iching clarity and this possibility to share my readings here, as a way to learn more about the Iching and also to learn more about my situation from others perspective of the reading. I took it as a "friend", whom not knowing who I am, would probably give me more light that a close friend that maybe is afraid to hurt me letting me see the truth or that is clouded herself.
    I don't like the word obsessive, I think we can call something obsessive when the time goes and there is not need of an answer anymore but the unlimited questions continue, then it is an obsession, not before (I think).

    To lose somebody can be so terrible painful that can becomes an insistent dark and painful thought which a strong person by survival instinct try to solve as fast as it can, if the person does not try to get rid of that feeling/thoughts , that will remain and then will be obsessive.


    Many people don't want to do that, get tired of being invited to participate in that, knowing actually full well it is a process and the person will have to do it on their own . Thats why many answers suggest the person returns to themselves.

    I think you have the right of not participating, as the person that ask has the right to ask, at least it is forbidden here to ask many times. I do believe the process it is personal and internal, but I also believe not everybody goes to the processes of life, silve them in a similar way, thats why they are different therapies, including group therapies. If the person tends to live her life by herself, sometimes listening to many different people it can help a person to understand lot about herself, if the person instead is used to live in within the noise of others, then that person would probably benefit more from solitudine.But In general talking about our processes of finding balance, helps eveybody, instead of internalizing and maybe avoiding to understand it because fear of feeling the pain that it produces it.

    [B]I see the Iching as a tool to help that process, a therapy of self understanding and understanding of the situation.
    It is very hard to interpret your own reading when your thoughts are so clouded, and then it is excellent when others come for help.


    Perhaps asking others to participate in this process actaully holds it up. When the pace gets frantic, when a person is frantically posting a whole load of threads all about the current obsession then maybe the onus is on them to think about how much they want to try to pass their stuff off for everyone else to deal with or whether they could actually help themselves more by living in their own process first.
    The fact is anyway other people don't keep responding when someone is publically going through this process in a mega frantic way....as its very tiring and possibly pointless....becasue they have to do it themselves.
    I think differently, I wish I would have time to maybe help with my interpretation many people that post their questions and that are obviously under stress or pain ,it does not making me tired but willing to help. In this moment I need it, in another moment I will not need it anymore and another person will need me. It is like life works I think, the wheel of life.

    Again talking just in my name, I am much better in a less days that I thought it would take me to get better. The process for me has been fastened by reading and reading interpretations. It has made me aware directly and indirectly ,of what In need to do to regain my inner peace. And I think this is what the Iching reading is meant for to make us aware of what we are living inside, and how to get our balance back.

  14. #19

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    Quote Originally Posted by hilary View Post
    I'm starting to think that maybe there's something necessary about the process - first asking how he feels and what he'd do and so on, then gradually coming back to yourself. It certainly doesn't look from outside as though the 'how does he feel, how would he react...?' questions are helping anyone or anything, but maybe it's just part of an evolution. Maybe there isn't a route to 'How to be with this?' that doesn't go through 'What if I called him?'.

    I think like I wrote to Trojan, that it is when we are in the mist of the problem when we more need the help of the Iching.
    In my case, I came with a broken relationship where there is a certain difficult situation of communication because emotional issues my friend have to confront. It isnt the first time that happen this to me with him, he gets trapped in an emotional wall of silence, because the issues he confronts inside of him. He needs an infinite time as space to think. I wish he would have the Iching...and he would come here to at least be able to communicate with others instead to get lost in anger and whatever else he gets lost!!
    Then every situation for every person it is different. Then I guess the process it is different. I did not know this way of writing here, would have helped me, but it is helping me. I tend to solve everything alone, and it is harder and takes longer time. Instead asking questions here and reading my own and other interpretations have helped me to gain clarity faster.
    Still I need to learn more, and I think I will asking more and reading more
    .


    Maybe I'm making the same mistake here I've made in the past talking to individual clients and encouraging them to ask more open or empowering questions. I once had someone agree absolutely that this was the better question to ask, so I went ahead and delivered a nice in-depth lucid reading... and then she said plaintively that all she really wanted to know was whether it would happen. All of that nice in-depth lucid reading had flown right past her, because it wasn't answering the question she was really asking. Maybe it's not so easy to change the question you're really asking 'on demand'?
    I am not sure I understood what you wrote here, but I guess that maybe in the depth of every person, we all would like to know the future..so if holding to a thought or not. And instead what we are meant to know it is the steps towards the best future.

  15. #20

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    And when you read the original post, and nod... hmmmm yes true, true... aknowleding
    Read it again just in case.

    I seem to forget this even though it seems obvious
    Be kinder than necessary 'cause everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

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