my ex and I are going to meet up and talk in a couple hours. A few days ago, she invited me to see some bands tonight. Then a little bit ago she texted me and asked:

"Are you going to that show tonight & are you meeting me there & are you going with anyone? cause I was thinking... like if you want to catch up I think coffee would be more appropriate?" (We also had plans to have coffee together soon.)

So I texted her back and told her that I was also thinking of meeting up before the show to make sure we're on the same page. And we joked around a lot throughout the subsequent texts, and she said she'll have time to meet before the show, and that she'll knock (she lives across the hall. we had basically combined our 2 apartments into 1 while we were a couple.)

Then she says "your still my friend, right?" and i said "you shouldn't have to ask me that! of course i'm your friend." then she said "do you have a girl?" But then she sent a few other texts in a row, joking back with me about funny stuff i was saying to her. so i didn't address whether or not i have a girl (i don't). then she asked "what do you mean the same page?" and i said "meaning i just wanted to make sure that if we hang out there's no strings attached." and then she said "what do you mean by strings?" i said "just because we hang out don't expect that it's just to get back with you." and she said "oh yeah no i mean that's what i thought. i'm just getting cold feet cause i'll be with my boyfriend at the show." and i replied "Oh i don't care about him. I don't know anything about your situation. Let's finish this in person. Texting is impersonal." And she said "okay, I'll knock around 8."

So tonight I am going to tell her about my progress toward my health recovery. But I also want to reiterate what I said to her in the texts. I want to tell her that it's true that i want to still see her from time to time, but I'm not doing it JUST to get her back. i really want to be friends, but i also would like for us to someday have another opportunity. But that whatever happens, I just want her to be happy.

Just to make sure, I consulted the I ching and asked "what are the prospects that i should tell her that i want her back someday?"

i got hexagram 31.3.4>8.

Is this a yes? Lines 3 and 4 seem to be contradicting?

I at least want to keep things open ended. part of me is afraid that if i don't tell her the truth, i'll ruin future prospects with her. and part of me is afraid that if i do tell her the whole truth right now, that she'll consider moving out of the building. And then we'll have less of an opportunity to have good times together. So what the heck is the i ching telling me here!!??

*let me also say that a few years ago i was in a very similar situation. my gf left me for different reasons. thought for sure she was done with me. started seeing somebody else right away. but we still got together quite often. i had decided at that time that i wasn't going to think about the future. i was just going to enjoy being with her. i did tell her i wanted her back someday. but then we just hung out a lot and had lots of good times. after awhile, she left the other guy and almost came back to me. but i got impatient, and in the end i scared her away.

i know that no matter what i say to her, i want the opportunity to be friends and have good times together. i don't want to ruin that. maybe i shouldn't tell her the part about wanting her back someday. i already told her that after our break up. i just can't tell what i ching says. i am undecided. probably should take the safe route.

"I want to tell her that it's true that i want to still see her from time to time, but I'm not doing it JUST to get her back. i really want to be friends"
= you care for her, and could be happy if she was with someone else.

"but i also would like for us to someday have another opportunity."
= you still want her.

line 3: Legge: The third line, dynamic, shows one moving his (me: sexy) thighs, and keeping close hold of those whom he follows. Going forward in this way will cause regret
line 3: Wing: You must gain control of yourself. Don't run this way and that on impulse in an attempt to influence others or indulge in your many whims. You will ultimately be humiliated by such unconsidered actions. Set up a few inhibitions for yourself (me= show some self respect) and operate within these limitations while you develop some self-control.

line 4: Blofeld: Righteous persistence (me= persisting in what is right: not necessarily what you want) brings good fortune and regret vanishes; but only friends and immediate followers will waste their thoughts on one who dithers irresolutely to and fro.

So, man to man, with great sympathy i say: Make a decision based upon what you discern is right (in an objective sense, as if you were your own big brother), stop being wishy washy (...dithers irresolutely to and fro...) and recognize that she left you , has someone else and isn't interested. (even if she was very friendly or flirted by text:

sisters those mixed attention seeking signals are quite unkind. See the insightful comedian chris rock:
( http://www.survivingu.com/home/313-...le-life-lesson-chris-rock-on-platonic-friends )

let us know what happened.

Well, I suppose it's too late by now. Hopefully I Chaching will tell us how it went, whatever he decided.
In regards to sisters sending mixed signals, well sure, okay, but it takes two- what about men acting like little boys with stars in their eyes?

This thread has been duplicated in Change Circle. I find it confusing to have the same thread in several places. FWIW having read more on the other threads, however painful I feel honesty is the best policy here.

If a thread is duplicated in another place where some don't have access to, ie CC then it's not fair on respondents IMO as they spend time answering without knowing what is being said elsewhere.

redarmada said:

Well, I suppose it's too late by now. Hopefully I Chaching will tell us how it went, whatever he decided.
In regards to sisters sending mixed signals, well sure, okay, but it takes two- what about men acting like little boys with stars in their eyes?

Click to expand...

He has said how it went but has written it in the duplicate thread in CC which you may not have access to.

Sorry guys. I won't dupe again. And I had so much going on yesterday, I couldn't resolve everything on these forums. And i am about to leave town for a few days for work. By the end of the weekend, I will make everything right.

Sincerely,
i chaching

Hey redarmada,

Both the iching and I already admonished his stance/ behaviours.
After that I simply commented on what I saw the womans part in it was.
If I said something that seemed offensive or sexist, please point it out so I may know.

Oh, no, I didn't mean to sound critical of you, I can see how that comment may come across that way, so I'm sorry about that- I was just suggesting that the attitude that one person brings to the situation may be just as important as the actions another brings, I can say that (in situations like this) from experience.

"the attitude that one person brings to the situation may be just as important as the actions another brings" very true

glad we have understanding :]

What happened with this? Not following this line of talk and as Trojina said, don't have access to change cirlce. ???

Moss Elk was right; "line 3: Wing: You must gain control of yourself. Don't run this way and that on impulse in an attempt to influence others or indulge in your many whims. You will ultimately be humiliated by such unconsidered actions. Set up a few inhibitions for yourself (me= show some self respect) and operate within these limitations while you develop some self-control." This is exactly what happened. See this thread's update: https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/fri...eading-carefully-hex-10-unchanging&highlight=

"So, man to man, with great sympathy i say: Make a decision based upon what you discern is right (in an objective sense, as if you were your own big brother), stop being wishy washy (...dithers irresolutely to and fro...) and recognize that she left you , has someone else and isn't interested. (even if she was very friendly or flirted by text:" Correct again, Moss Elk... she was totally done with me and just wanted to be friends.