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desperate32

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hello,

my boyfriend of two years, who is a chinese, was with his parents back in china.
we have a loving relationship and are very close, we are best friends.

so, from one day to the next he is like a changed person and abandoned me, with the reason:
he went to an i ching reading, and that his and my birthdays and signs were sayed to be incompatible and our relationship would bring harm to closed ones.

so now he is afraid something might happen to his parents when he keeps this relationship.

i wasn even told which hexagram or what, he doesnt want to see me anymore or talk to me.

can anyone please help me?
i m surely desperate and feel lost.
 

Liselle

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Oh dear. This (your boyfriend) is probably a textbook case of how not to use divination.

Have you asked Yi for advice for yourself? How to approach him, or how you should handle this? Getting advice for yourself might be the best you can do - if your boyfriend is convinced of this, you might not be able to change his mind. (Hopefully he will come to his senses on his own.)

I suppose there's no guarantee that without all this, the two of you would live happily ever after. But I can't see a good reason to abandon a relationship that's currently perfectly fine on account of astrology and a Yi reading. Which, by the way are subject to interpretation. We shouldn't lose sight of the fact that we might interpret wrongly. (I've had a recent example of that myself, where I felt sure I knew what I was doing on the basis of readings, and it took a fellow forum member to clout me over the head before I saw differently.)
 

desperate32

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hello lisa,

i honestly thank you for your reply.
my boyfriend lives in cambridge and has a rough time (finishing phd, taking care of sick parents and travelling to china for medical treatments and mean relatives they have to endure due to the financial crisis on the stock market and constantly being bullied why he is not married like his cousin).

i live in germany and we were about to take the next step. to surprise him, i moved to cambridge in a little flat to not disturb his parents too much, while they are not feeling too well (he lives in a big house with them).

so, when he learned i was there in cambridge he was quite angry and asked for a 3-4 months brake and then meet up. he didnt even want to see me. but told me that he loves me so much.

two days ago (which is now 2 months since he asked for the brake) i just recieved an ice cold message that for the sake of his parents and him he does not wish to challenge the fate anymore, now that he sees clear and there is no going back. he mentioned that this decision tortures him horribly each day, mentally, but for the sake of his parents and him, thats how it is.

i still have a shock, honestly speaking.

we were really close, talking about marriage.

do you have any advice for me? i would be grateful for anything.

i couldn t get any information on the reading. just the result and that my birthday and sign was used.

perhaps i could suggest to find a reading in cambridge uk? but its hard to find an iching reader without pre-judgement, when a chinese boy with (with doubts now) and an optimistic german girl enter a chinese i ching reading.

thank you very much.
 

desperate32

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and to explain. the reading took place shortly before i moved to cambridge, but i didnt know that, i learned that two days ago.
 

Liselle

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Well you can't look at his reading because you don't know what it was. And anyway, I think it would be better for you to do a reading asking Yi for advice for yourself.

Have you ever done an I Ching reading before? You could try finding a reader nearby, but you can also learn how to do them yourself, right here on Clarity.

The best place to start is with Hilary's free Beginner's Course. (Hilary Barrett is an I Ching diviner and the owner of this website.) Follow the course through from the start to the end, and you'll have a good idea what a reading is and the fundamentals of how to interpret it.

And take your time with it. Don't skip steps. You'll be learning something that can help you for the rest of your life. It's important to get started properly. And from what you're saying, the situation with your boyfriend probably won't get any worse if you don't resolve it today or tomorrow.
 

Sixth Relative

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Hi desperate32 and lisa

Well you can't look at his reading because you don't know what it was.

It seems like it wasn't a divination where one randomly cast an hexagram but a 'destiny analysis' (either using BAZI or using a 'natal hexagram' from the birthdate). In any case, with his birthdate and her birthdate one can know what the "reading" was.

But from the reading of the first post my take was: there's something more here, this wasn't just because of a "reading". The reading (real or not) seems to be more a justification for a deeper problem in the relation. The second post confirmed my gut.

Provided that it would be "only" the reading, there are plenty of arguments against his decision: 1) the accuracy of the interpretation; 2) the so called "cures" for bad BAZI; 3) the traditional view that out of the 3 lucks (Heaven luck or destiny, Earth luck or space-time influence and Man luck or consequences of your actions) the most important is Man Luck; 4) the Yijing's doctrine that a virtuous person can even change his/her destiny; 5) the proverb that is not about knowing destiny but about changing destiny; etc.

But if the real problem is elsewhere, the best arguments against a "bad reading" would be of not use.
 

desperate32

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hello sixth relative and lisa,

thank you so very much!!!

May i state the birthdates?

Mine is the 29th september 1983, sign piggy and my boyfriends is 4th january 1979, sign horse.

May i kindly ask for your advice?

I cannot say thank you enough for your help.
 

Trojina

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:confused: this is a place to post I Ching readings but you haven't posted the reading so how can anyone advise you. I'm looking but see no reading. I Ching is the book of change not the book of staying the same so birth hexagrams mean nothing IMO. Disregard the advice of this person, it's shoddy fortune telling not the I ching


so, from one day to the next he is like a changed person and abandoned me, with the reason:
he went to an i ching reading, and that his and my birthdays and signs were sayed to be incompatible and our relationship would bring harm to closed ones.

what a ridiculous reason to leave you. There would have been no basis in this advice. But do you really want to get back with someone who leaves you because of such nonsense ?
 

Sixth Relative

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Hi desperate32

I'm not expert on BaZi nor on "Natal Hexagrams". I use other Chinese techniques for "Destiny readings". But in any case, a Destiny Reading needs the Year, the Month, the Day and the Hour (some uses local time other uses Real Solar Time) of birth.

But in my opinion, the aproach from the Yijing (Luck of Man) is better to handle this situation than the aproach from Destiny analysis (Luck of Heaven):
a) Destiny is like the type of car you got from Heaven to travel;
b) Yijing is like the roadmap to help you decide the route
c) Regardless of Destiny analysis and Yijing analysis, you are the one -using your freewill- driving the car.

The risk of destiny analysis is that risk to take it as Fate written in stone, rather than a set of inherited resources and limitations to work with in order to arrive at your desired destination. You can use the influence of time-space (Luck of Earth, like using feng shui) and the consequences of your actions (Luck of Man, like using education, relations, self-improvement. Karma, and following Yijing guide) to enhance your resources and to overcome your limits. That is what it means the proverb "not about knowing destiny but about changing destiny". Again, out of the 3 "lucks" the most important is the Luck of Man.


In this case, I'd recomend to use Yijing rather tha Destiny analysis
 

Sixth Relative

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The use of Natal Hexagrams is as Yijing as any Yijing practice. You may not like it, and not using it (I personally don't use them) but they are Yijing.
 

desperate32

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Hello,

thank you all for your answers, they hepled me a lot.

I forwarded them, but he wouldnt even react to the details, that my birth hour was missing and that there are cures from bad bazi.

He just stated that each day he is tortured mentally by his decision and thinking about it daily.

But for the sake of him, me and especailly his parents he has to stick to that decision.

Our relationship was conspiring the universe and to keep our relationship, would just mean, to challenge fate and bring harm to his closed ones.

He even told me that due to our relationship his family lost a lot of money when the stock market in china went down last year and their shares lost so much money.

So many people lost a lot of money, its an international finance crisis.

The reading was done - so I was told - by a very old family friend, who gave his deceased grandpa once a good advice during the revolution. This good advice saved grandpas live and thats why the very old man has to be correct. The person never met me and I did just always support my boyfriend in each possible way.

I feel desperate. How can I try to "open his eyes"?

He has never been unfriendly or cold to me, now he is like a changed person.

I have to state, the family has, according to what he says, suffered a severe loss of money and the bank in singapore foreclosed the appartement. All signs in his behavior show a major clinical depression.

Thank you.
 

Liselle

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Oh good grief. I'm sorry for their losses, but you obviously have nothing to do with the stock market.

They are falling prey to superstition. They have decided you are somehow "bad luck" and so everything that has gone wrong is your fault. I can understand that when bad things happen, people look around for why, but they are not being logical or reasonable by blaming it on you. How exasperating.
 

kttuan

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Can I say something to you? At first he want to leave so he took a reason only, so let him to go. On the other side if he believe in divination and God (i do not), so his loving is not big enough,then you forget.
email me if you still need to have an good answer that is he right or wwrong with his knowledge in divination.but i think this is not important.
 
D

diamanda

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This guy is dishonest with you and all he told you are cheap excuses - do not believe a word he says.

The bottom line is that he doesn't want your relationship to continue.
It doesn't sound like you can convince him to want it again...
 

desperate32

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hello lisa,

this is exactly what appeared to happen...

thank you very much for your message :)
 

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