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8.4.5 > 16 How should I improve the relationship

flowypetals

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Hi everyone,

Recently the guy I'm interested in has become rather critical with me and nitpicks me, and I feel that our bond is weakening ever since he started becoming critical of me. (Which was 1 week ago). I have been trying to keep my cool and not sour our relationship further, and trying to improve things about me that he mentioned, but it still did not improve things between us. Now I'm at a loss of what I should do to prevent us from souring.

So I asked iching: how should I improve our relationship?
And I've gotten 8.4.5 > 16

What does it suggests?
 

kttuan

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So I asked iching: how should I improve our relationship?
And I've gotten 8.4.5 > 16
What does it suggests?

HI,
hexagram 08 means you are(2) recently very very active in relatiion, but also in meeting, festivals, parties...(general concept), so he just feel tired only, and he feel he lost some social relationships which are still important for everybody. so he is trying to invest time for them, it can be understood. you are doing well, let him have private time for social relations. hexagram number 16 means you will be happy.
the first good sign and news from him will reach to you in monday or tuesday.
 
M

mirian

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Hi flowypetals,

My general impression of your reading is that it is challenging you to reflect on how prepared you are to be in a relationship with all that entails. It is testing not the romantic side of it but the human interaction aspect. At the end of the day that's what it is : the union of two people.

My experience with your lines when it comes to relationships:

Line 4 > make your relationship broader, not just the two of you, but expand your social circle. Meet new people, socialise within different groups, bringing your relationship into a wider experience.

Line 5 > Give your partner more freedom, let it go a bit sometimes, so the other can feel free and more relaxed, as relationships sometimes can become a bit stifling, so a breather is a good thing.

Hope that helps :bows:
 

Trojina

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Hi everyone,

Recently the guy I'm interested in has become rather critical with me and nitpicks me, and I feel that our bond is weakening ever since he started becoming critical of me. (Which was 1 week ago). I have been trying to keep my cool and not sour our relationship further, and trying to improve things about me that he mentioned, but it still did not improve things between us. Now I'm at a loss of what I should do to prevent us from souring.

So I asked iching: how should I improve our relationship?
And I've gotten 8.4.5 > 16

What does it suggests?

I think you may both need more of an idea of where the relationship is going. There does seem to be a true connection between you (8) but do you have a vision of where you want to be so you can make ready for that ? (16). 8.4 shows times when one needs to express allegiance openly so in your relationship I wonder if this has to do with determining the status of the relationship ? By that I mean how your relationship is seen in the outer world can impact on how it is experienced. For example there's a difference in people having a secret affair and people who are a 'couple' in the eyes of the world. Being engaged, married or simply being seen as a couple can greatly change how the relationship might feel in terms especially of how committed or secure each party feels.

So to improve your relationship I think the status of it needs more outer expression. So he would need to feel he is your 'boyfriend' and you his 'girlfriend' rather than just 'someone I'm interested in'.

I wonder if he'd like the relationship to be more formally delineated between you ?

8.5 shows having done what you can to stabilise the relationship in line 4 by making it more formal it is then up to him. You can't force anything.

My feeling is he may be feeling insecure due to lack of clear role with you so be critical due to insecurity ? But that's just an idea, he is the one to talk to about this obviously.
 

flowypetals

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HI,
hexagram 08 means you are(2) recently very very active in relatiion, but also in meeting, festivals, parties...(general concept), so he just feel tired only, and he feel he lost some social relationships which are still important for everybody. so he is trying to invest time for them, it can be understood. you are doing well, let him have private time for social relations. hexagram number 16 means you will be happy.
the first good sign and news from him will reach to you in monday or tuesday.
Hi thanks for the reading! Yes it's true that we have been active recently, like hanging out together most of the weekends (Friday night to Sunday) be it with just us 2 or with our clique, i'll feedback again next week if there're any positive developments :D

Hi flowypetals,

My general impression of your reading is that it is challenging you to reflect on how prepared you are to be in a relationship with all that entails. It is testing not the romantic side of it but the human interaction aspect. At the end of the day that's what it is : the union of two people.

My experience with your lines when it comes to relationships:

Line 4 > make your relationship broader, not just the two of you, but expand your social circle. Meet new people, socialise within different groups, bringing your relationship into a wider experience.

Line 5 > Give your partner more freedom, let it go a bit sometimes, so the other can feel free and more relaxed, as relationships sometimes can become a bit stifling, so a breather is a good thing.

Hope that helps :bows:
Thanks for the reading and the advises with regards to the changing lines! I'll heed the advises and really hope things will turn out better.

I think you may both need more of an idea of where the relationship is going. There does seem to be a true connection between you (8) but do you have a vision of where you want to be so you can make ready for that ? (16). 8.4 shows times when one needs to express allegiance openly so in your relationship I wonder if this has to do with determining the status of the relationship ? By that I mean how your relationship is seen in the outer world can impact on how it is experienced. For example there's a difference in people having a secret affair and people who are a 'couple' in the eyes of the world. Being engaged, married or simply being seen as a couple can greatly change how the relationship might feel in terms especially of how committed or secure each party feels.

So to improve your relationship I think the status of it needs more outer expression. So he would need to feel he is your 'boyfriend' and you his 'girlfriend' rather than just 'someone I'm interested in'.

I wonder if he'd like the relationship to be more formally delineated between you ?

8.5 shows having done what you can to stabilise the relationship in line 4 by making it more formal it is then up to him. You can't force anything.

My feeling is he may be feeling insecure due to lack of clear role with you so be critical due to insecurity ? But that's just an idea, he is the one to talk to about this obviously.
Thanks for the reading! Our relationship is rather complicated, I'm filled with a lot of uncertainties with regards to our relationship status and i'm unsure of his feelings for me. Because along the way I've been dropping obvious hints of my interest towards him and the willingness to change for him, but for him he had not dropped hints of feelings verbally.

For me, I would love to become a girlfriend of his but it's hard because of the uncertainties. I always wanted to ask him about his opinions regarding our status but I've held back because i'm afraid if things will change for the worse. We are close physically whenever we have some alone time apart from hanging out with our clique, but then what i want more is the emotional connection which seemed to be lacking.

Recently, he kept picking the flaws in me, like having old school/bad fashion sense, but well at the same time he did provide me with suggestions to improve. He also mentioned about how he felt a gap between me and him even though we are just one year apart, because I'm clueless about a lot things in life and have not been to a lot of places. For example: Cooking, he said that i should have known how to cook during my younger days and not wait until now, when i'm 25, to start learning (I wanted to start learning now because of him though). And he sent me wall of texts regarding this issue, with no sugar coating etc, just very direct and sometimes hurtful words. So i guess it isn't about insecurity but just about his expectations or so :/

Which is why i'm feeling very lost now. I feel that i need a clear role more than him.
 

kttuan

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you are not only want to change him but also sometimes blame him, hehe- not rarely with a girl.
happy for you and him.
 

Trojina

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Recently, he kept picking the flaws in me, like having old school/bad fashion sense, but well at the same time he did provide me with suggestions to improve. He also mentioned about how he felt a gap between me and him even though we are just one year apart, because I'm clueless about a lot things in life and have not been to a lot of places. For example: Cooking, he said that i should have known how to cook during my younger days and not wait until now, when i'm 25, to start learning (I wanted to start learning now because of him though). And he sent me wall of texts regarding this issue, with no sugar coating etc, just very direct and sometimes hurtful words. So i guess it isn't about insecurity but just about his expectations or so :/

I must say I don't like the sound of this at all. What a thing to pick on you about, your fashion sense. How unkind. Also very unkind about the cooking. I'd say if he doesn't make some commitment to you it's time for him to go. 8.5 can be letting go those who aren't equally committed.

It could be he feels insecure although now that sounds like you but if he is insecure making petty jibes about what you wear and so on that's just not something that you need in your life


kttuan


you are not only want to change him but also sometimes blame him, hehe- not rarely with a girl.
happy for you and him.

I'm reading this as you saying she is blaming him which is not rare for a girl ? Is that what you meant ? If so I see no basis for the remark or is it meant to be a joke ?
 

Trojina

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Which is why i'm feeling very lost now. I feel that i need a clear role more than him

Seems that you asked how to improve the relationship and it turns out Yi is saying perhaps that to improve the relationship you need to be more sure of the relationship status (line 4) and then if he is in then he is in and if he is out then he is out (line 5). You mustn't be afraid of holding out for how you want to be treated. I don't think any woman would want to be mocked for her style sense or her cookery skills. If he didn't like your style he could be nicer about it....but also be very wary of people who start off liking you then pick holes in you like this. It's very undermining. He must like you or he wouldn't be with you so if he wants to stay with you perhaps he needs to decide on whether he is in or out by either being your boyfriend or letting you go for someone who won't behave like this.
 

kttuan

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I'm reading this as you saying she is blaming him which is not rare for a girl ? Is that what you meant ? If so I see no basis for the remark or is it meant to be a joke ?
Dear,
I am not joking. I also not implying about gender. I shall êxplain more details, everything I read is from Yijing books, no exception. I shoul use the word "makes him feel tired sometimes" instead of "blame".regards.
 

rosada

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You asked how should YOU improve the relationship so I see the advice as being not so much about what you need from him, clarity or whatever, but about what you can do to change things.

8.4 Be very open and clear about your caring for this man. When he says, "Your taste in clothes is questionable" don't try to defend yourself or make any offer to change. Instead say something like, "Well I think you are adorable" and smile. And say it like you really mean it - not like you are being sarcastic. When ever he finds fault just keep telling him how wonderful you think he is.
8.4 You have the power to choose how you respond to his comments. When he seems to be poking you don't take the bait! Don't argue or defend yourself. Just keep telling him how wonderful he is. He will come to see for himself that his comments are inappropriate and furthermore nobody will belittle someone's judgement when they're saying they think you're great.

If he has a legitimate complaint take note but don't make a big deal out of it. "Thank you for sharing" is a useful and sometimes humorous response that can defuse an argument.
 

flowypetals

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you are not only want to change him but also sometimes blame him, hehe- not rarely with a girl.
happy for you and him.
Hmm i never want to change him though i just hoping inside that he can be less critical though haha.


Seems that you asked how to improve the relationship and it turns out Yi is saying perhaps that to improve the relationship you need to be more sure of the relationship status (line 4) and then if he is in then he is in and if he is out then he is out (line 5). You mustn't be afraid of holding out for how you want to be treated. I don't think any woman would want to be mocked for her style sense or her cookery skills. If he didn't like your style he could be nicer about it....but also be very wary of people who start off liking you then pick holes in you like this. It's very undermining. He must like you or he wouldn't be with you so if he wants to stay with you perhaps he needs to decide on whether he is in or out by either being your boyfriend or letting you go for someone who won't behave like this.
Thanks for all your advises! Yes i really feel the need to confirm the status :/ I have been feeling stuck for quite long, like sometimes he's possessive of me and minds if i talk to alot guys etc, and during a time when he's aware of another guy trying to chase me, he treated me nicer and in the end he asked me would i choose that guy or him. So i'm not really sure what he wants. I want to be committed also but without the status it feels weird.
And yes he's very direct about these things, sometimes his comments i see it as him trying to improve me so i'm alright with it, but sometimes i just feel it's a bit unnecessary as he tries to pick more and more things as time goes. I never had this kind of experience so i felt uncomfortable with it sometimes.

You asked how should YOU improve the relationship so I see the advice as being not so much about what you need from him, clarity or whatever, but about what you can do to change things.

8.4 Be very open and clear about your caring for this man. When he says, "Your taste in clothes is questionable" don't try to defend yourself or make any offer to change. Instead say something like, "Well I think you are adorable" and smile. And say it like you really mean it - not like you are being sarcastic. When ever he finds fault just keep telling him how wonderful you think he is.
8.4 You have the power to choose how you respond to his comments. When he seems to be poking you don't take the bait! Don't argue or defend yourself. Just keep telling him how wonderful he is. He will come to see for himself that his comments are inappropriate and furthermore nobody will belittle someone's judgement when they're saying they think you're great.

If he has a legitimate complaint take note but don't make a big deal out of it. "Thank you for sharing" is a useful and sometimes humorous response that can defuse an argument.
Thanks for the advises! From these, I think i made the wrong move by defending myself and telling him that i need time to change, and the arguments had clearly made me tired, and also him perhaps. I'll heed the advise and try to defuse an argument if any arises in the future thanks!
 

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