Will we keep protection order? 24.1 > 2 & 49.3 > 17 Inheritance 26.3.4 > 38

Kia ora all,

Happy New Year! I have kicked into the New Year with problems rolling over from the last. I hope to get away from them.

My ex is abusive and when finding that after 4 years of engagement he was lying about his marital status I left. We have a son 7 years old, and although he has now given up, he was trying to gain full custody. Next Friday he has a case to discharge the protection order I have against him. I think I need it and so I asked:

Will we keep our protection order? 24.1 > 2
Line 1
'Not far away, returning – no regrets here.
From the source, good fortune.'
Legge: The subject of line one is the only dynamic line in the hexagram, meaning here, says Ch'eng-tzu, "the way of the superior man." There must have been some deviation from that, or "returning" could not be spoken of.

It’s really difficult to see how this relates to my question.
Is it referring to him as the “Superior Man” in that he will “return” from trying to push for this removal.
Or am I the “Superior Man” in that I should choose to lose and risk not having this protection.

To hard to see so I ask are related question. There is a lot of denial on his part around the abuse.

Will the judge see his potential for violence? 49.3 > 17
Line 3
'Setting out to bring order means a pitfall,
Constancy means danger.
As words of radical change draw near three times,
There is truth and confidence.'
Legge: The symbolism of line three is twofold. The line is dynamic and in his correct position, but has passed the center of the lower trigram of Clarity and is on an outward verge. These conditions may dispose him to reckless and violent changes which would be bad. But if he acts with caution and due deliberation he may take action, and he will be believed in.

I think yes, the judge will see our situation could become dangerous for me. Perhaps he needs to prove that he is trustworthy for a period before the protection order is lifted.

As an added issue. He has provided everything home, education, cars, deposits to his 3 legitimate children and they are now over 30yo and have 4 children between them so far. He is retiring in March so his child support won’t cover the court costs, let alone support our sons future.

I have tried to talk to him about leaving our son the bach as his inheritance. The land is on squatter’s rights and the building worth far far less. I think he plans to leave it to all of them, but our son hasn't even met them and is outnumbered significant disadvantage.

It seems to be an ethical question and it could go against me in court, I’m unsure. Rather than have our son build expectations and realise when he’s older I think I should let him know the situation. I will get external advice for this but.

Should X have access to son if he chooses to not provide for his future? 26.3.4 > 38
Line 3
'A fine horse for pursuit.
Constancy in hardship bears fruit.
Daily training, chariot driving, protecting.
Fruitful to have a direction to go.'
Line 4
'Young bull's hornboard.
From the source, good fortune.'

I think this means that our son is the fine horse for pursuit. Does it encourage me to force this situation so he is providing something for him? https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/images/smilies/zen2.gif

Because he is married his wife inherits everything.

Thank you for any input or words of wisdom. It’s going to be a long week, but I will come back and let you know the outcome.
Wairua

I really wanted to edit or delete this post. I wanted to discuss inheritance with X before possibly losing the protection order, so I did. I'm glad it's done and I've said my piece. Whether he gives it is out of my control. I will seek professional advice on how or if to let son know. And sharing isn't my choice, it's our sons.
Interesting, pride is someone's mana here, it's big. But there is a fine line between what's pride and what's equal rights. I dunno but I'll keep working through it.

I really wanted to edit or delete this post. I wanted to discuss inheritance with X before possibly losing the protection order, so I did. I'm glad it's done and I've said my piece. Whether he gives it is out of my control. I will seek professional advice on how or if to let son know. And sharing isn't my choice, it's our sons.
Interesting, pride is someone's mana here, it's big. But there is a fine line between what's pride and what's equal rights. I dunno but I'll keep working through it.

How embarrassing I still can't delete. This is awful lol arohamai

Hi Wairua,

It sounds like the situation is going well for you (given how difficult it is), good to hear you're still handling this so calmly and thoughfully!

Will we keep our protection order? 24.1 > 2
I hear this as a yes, you'll keep it. His case won't go far.

Will the judge see his potential for violence? 49.3 > 17
Totally agree with you, the judge will thoroughly investigate and eventually see it.
17 here might mean that the judge will make sure there's a follow-up, e.g. that you keep being looked after.

Should X have access to son if he chooses to not provide for his future? 26.3.4 > 38
26.3 sounds to me like another short court case, since this is where the 'chasing' is happening between you.
26.4 speaks of the pen/enclosure of a young bull, so I think that your son will get a home, but.......
..... but even when he does, still don't let that violent man have access to your son (38).
Most abusers deny that they are abusers of course.
The hidden line (41.4) and resulting 38 show that he won't ever change.

Thank you so much Diamanda,

Your response means the world to me. I've been in court for over a year, I'm calming through it and the load is lifting. I think I see and feel things correctly but it's wonderful to have a second opinion.

Constancy in hardship, yes it could be further court hearings.

And thank you for the hidden lines, I'm not yet able to see them (find them) no, he will never change.

I'm pretty sure I'll never be physically safe around him and the mental abuse is a given for both of us. The courts will force visitation on our son, I'm just buying time really and slowing the process. But if it gets too much for him I will go into contempt of the court. One thing in my favour is that while X does rage he wouldn't plan to hurt him. Taking our son from me would hurt him so I don't think he will do it. That's what I'm banking on, but this hurdle first.

Thanks again for your response, your time, thoughts and energy. I was feeling exposed and worried about misinterpretation. You completely put me at ease.

Actually I"ve leant on I Ching and this site for the past year, it has been a God send for me. Thank you Hilary and the other wonderful members as well <3 there are some very astute and articulate people in here. Very humbling to learn.

24.1 > 2 The superior man is the judge lol ofcourse, a return to the right way.

Ah yes, of course the superior man is the judge in 24.1! Fingers crossed.

About the hidden lines, it's quite easy.
I only look at hidden lines when there are either two, or three changing lines.
It's best if I tell you through two examples:

26.3.4 > 38
The first changing line is 26.3. IF only this line was changing, the result would be 41.
We go to 41, and we read the 4th line. So 41.4 is the hidden line.
41.4 in turn would lead to 38. So we still go from 26 to 38.

(fictional example) 12.1.2.3 > 1
12.1 would lead to 26. But since we've got the second line changing, we go to 26.2 (= first hidden line).
26.2 would lead to 10. But since we've got the 3rd line changing, we go to 10.3 (= second hidden line).
10.3 in turn would lead to 1. So we still go from 12 to 1.

Oh my goodness, I see. How fluid and amazing. I love I Ching, thank you again for that.

41.4 > 38 "Going more slowly" To all of the above: He is slow to provide, I'm slow to share, son is slow to join and that's how it needs to be "Be glad". Wonderful how the obvious is stated frequently.

Kia ora Diamanda
A 4 hour hearing. Today is also his 65th and what would have been our 5th engagement anniversary. &#55357;&#56851;
We kept our protection order and put in a visitation plan.
And I'm free from court unless he goes for parental again.
For now I'm thrilled, free to go and safe to come back.
Long week pretty exhausted, but I really appreciated your time for me &#55357;&#56474; Thank you

Wairua, so glad to hear you've kept your protection order, hope it all keeps getting better!