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speaking the truth 46>48

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oceangirl

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Unexpectedly I wish to resign from my job. A job which up until a few days ago I was enjoying immensely although challenging and 'pushing my buttons' I wanted to push on through and hopefully learn the lessons I needed to learn for myself.

My wonderful boss went on holidays. The next day the centre director had a go at me about something and then the next day she had a go at me about something else. The first instance was uncalled for and the second, well I didn't exactly do anything wrong I could have just gone about things in a different way so I could understand why she wished to speak to me about it but definitely not in the way she did.

I work in the childcare industry and this newly appointed centre director (of 6 months) has never worked in the childcare industry at all. I'm not sure what her last job was but her staff management skills are less than poor as are her ethics towards staff overall. I felt humilated, belittled and treated like one of the children we care for - well I wouldn't treat the children like that but possibly she would.

I don't wish to work under such a person and as she is the highest boss in the place there is noone I can complain to about her behaviour. Well there is a parent committee but unfortunately I don't have access to them per se and being the newest member of staff, well they may just think it's me. After my shift yesterday morning I made a few phone calls and have a job interview on Monday, coincidentally less than a km from my present workplace and a potential interview in a couple of weeks.

Not that I wish to change jobs yet again but my thinking is, as I'm doing some very intensive inner work and I took my present position before I began this inner work and gained my present personal insights, this job maybe short lived and just helped me move forward in myself. At the same time I took this present job, my childrens behaviour towards me pushed me to take a good look at myself and start looking at the way I do things and maybe start to do things differently. Hopefully with a new energy and mindset a much more suitable bunch of people and job will come into my World.

Also when I've spoken the truth before in a job I was made out to be the one who was in the wrong and lost my job - easier to get rid of the one upsetting the status quo......
As soon as I get another job I intend to resign from this one. Originally my intention was to give the reason as the Centre Director but I wonder if it's even worth putting my energy into that.

What is the benefit of speaking the truth when I resign
46.5>48

Using the resource of The Well (resignation) to Push Upward.

Line 5 seems to suggest it will bring good fortune - either for me or the rest of the staff and maybe even the children..

I know other staff don't like the centre director either but noone wants to say anything in fear of them losing their job.

What is the benefit of just resigning and saying nothing about the Centre Director

13.4.5.6>36

Keeping things to myself Hex 36 keeps me in Harmony with myself and others.

Line 4 - noone can try to attack me if I don't say anything - which I guess may be her
Line 5 - I will find a job with the right people and my new boss will help me
Line 6 - no regrets about saying nothing

I do live in a fairly small community where there is every chance I could come across this woman again so if she loses her job or something negative comes from my honesty other people could also become involved though they know nothing about me and that make a inharmonious environment for myself.

Whatever happens I'm 99% sure I won't wish to remain working there even if some sort of resolution is taken.
Essentially she hasn't done anything that would require her to lose her job, possibly she may be asked to do further training in staff management.....so is it worth the potential angst for me.
 
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Trojina

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Not exactly reading related but wanted to say 'just think what's best for you'. This all takes a huge amount of your energy and I wonder if you could pass through it all using less of your energy and focusing more on yourself than other people.

Where does this all lead, where do you want it to go and what do you personally want the final outcome to be FOR YOU.

You would have to complain if she were being cruel to the kids or other horrific things but incompetence is pretty much everywhere and I mean look how much energy this has already cost you. Focus on what you want first and where you want to get to. 46.5 speaks of incremental progress, step by step. If you are making progress can you afford to be held up by all this ?

Of course for 46.5 you asked the benefit of speaking out so I haven't applied it to that...but FWIW I just see all this as a huge energy drain and you might be better focusing on your own objectives.

Also when I've spoken the truth before in a job I was made out to be the one who was in the wrong and lost my job - easier to get rid of the one upsetting the status quo......

Yes, that is the way of the world. That is what generally happens so that's why you need to keep your final aims in mind above the politics of the place you work, especially if you are new and have no foothold there.
As soon as I get another job I intend to resign from this one. Originally my intention was to give the reason as the Centre Director but I wonder if it's even worth putting my energy into that


I don't think so FWIW. If you need a reference etc you will only make things hard for yourself.

I don't know, I'm sorry I haven't much focused on the readings but I just think you can't afford to keep getting snagged up on workplace politics. Take what you need from the job you are in and always try to leave on good terms. I think it is very important to leave on good terms because you may want this organisation to vouch for you at some point. Sure if there was some big moral issue happening such as child abuse etc you'd have to speak the truth...but do you really need more aggro in your work situations ?

I don't think so
 
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oceangirl

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Thank you Trojina my thoughts exactly....I do keep getting caught up in work politics but now that's finally sunk in I need to let it go and move on without being silly about it. After I posted this reading I thought just get on with what I need to do to move forward so sometimes after writing it down I get clarity.
 

Trojina

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It's not easy, I've seen it time and time again where a new boss shows up and they make themselves disliked by staff...but from what I have seen the long serving staff just carry on as normal, have a gossip about it amongst themselves to feel better, make no great outer show of their disapproval, and bide their time and after 6 months the useless boss is gone anyway because eventually their superior isn't happy with them and they aren't happy there.

Granted it doesn't always turn out this way and you can be stuck with someone awful for ages...it's just I have observed that those who just keep themselves to themselves in the end fare better with less stress. Seems to me they are thinking strategically rather than emotionally. I'm not at all naturally good at that :bag: which is why I have learned from such people. I was in one organisation and noted someone, I'll call her Mary, had been there for 30 years. She worked very quietly but was very central to the running of the place. There was constant turmoil in this place. Supervisors came and went like a merry go round...she just plodded on. I doubt I could do that but having observed others over the years and looking back I realize that actually putting your own interests first can mean not spending time on the aggro so you can get where you want to be.

Let us know how it goes
 
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oceangirl

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Yes you are right....there is a young girl there, probably mid twenties maybe younger and she appears to be very grounded in that way. I do want to learn to just shut up although the truth is glaringly obvious....haha I would probably have an easier life if I could just learn to turn a 'blind eye'.
 

Mira72

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Oceangirl,

Are you sure this is not an instance of the "pheasant at flight"...?
 
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oceangirl

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Oceangirl,

Are you sure this is not an instance of the "pheasant at flight"...?

Hi Mira72,
You could well be right and my immediate response when this happened the other day was to ask myself what am I 'fleeing' from? Do I need to stay and work through it?
As Trojina pointed out, in a nice way, this is a pattern I keep repeating.

The situation with the Centre Director isn't the only reason I want to resign. In this job there are so many rules and regulations that I feel like 'my passion for children, nurturing wings' are being clipped
and the reason I took the job has been thwarted. I guess the incidences with this woman just damn near broke those wings.
They said they were offering me the job because of my broad and different experiences with children and they'd love to learn from me in relation to them but every time I do or say something that's not in keeping with their handbook I get 'spoken to' and am not listened to.
There is a woman I've become friendly with who's been there 2 years and she still doesn't get heard when she has an opinion or idea. They offered her a promotion with further training - she took it but after 12 months she said she no longer wants the promotion because she wasn't getting the promised further training and their response was to say they didn't have the time.....in 12 months?

So Mira72 I have taken into account what you said on my other thread about the pheasant flying and it is still in the back of my mind as I work out what is best to do for myself.
 
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oceangirl

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I just listened to this - I guess for relevance to this reading, the way things have been happening in my most recent jobs I feel that my skills and abilities are being rejected and that is what this is all about really. So my response to people rejecting my talents is for me is to say Hey why don't you look at yourself!! but as this guy says rejection can help you to work out what you want and follow your dreams
....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsT5eV_m7BA

Looking again at this reading I'm seeing 46.5 as saying work towards my progress and my goals by focusing on the process and keeping myself in check of how I take my next step NOT by potentially trying to bring her down even if the truth is she's not competent in her job. It's not about her step it's about mine.
 
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diamanda

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What is the benefit of speaking the truth when I resign
46.5 > 48

Instead of having fresh clear water springing out of the well (48.5 > 46) we have the opposite. We are going step by step into the well. I'm not sure what this could mean in this case. I've seen this answer to refer to a long period of unemployment (going step by step into the bank account/savings). Maybe it refers to a psychological change, who knows, but: because you're asking about a work matter, I thought I'd mention the unemployment experience.

What is the benefit of just resigning and saying nothing about the Centre Director
13.4.5.6 > 36

I don't like 36, in my experience it's a nasty and painful answer. 13.5 shows that if you don't speak up, some people from that workplace will continue to be on friendly terms with you in years to come (so, good references?). 13.6 most probably shows that you'll end up moving away from that community.

So which one is better? If someone asked me, what do you prefer, a long period of unemployment (if that's what it means here), or to have a job but feel hurt? I'd personally choose the latter, because I'm not rich and nobody will step in to pay my bills if I run out of money.

Have you asked by any chance if there's an alternative to resigning?

She's incompetent. This is exactly why she's rejecting your talents - so that she can appear better than she is. For sure she can sense that her trick is working with you: her trick is already eating away at your self-esteem and it's causing you to lose your calm - then, by being angry, sooner or later you'll do something angry, which will then give her a further hold to damage you further. Because of all this, she will continue (till you break the cycle). She, and anyone similar to her, will continue to use this trick as long as they see it's working.
 
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oceangirl

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Thankyou diamanda you're absolutely right. She does play that game of trying to push my buttons (well not just me) to make herself look better because of her incompetence. By the end of the day she started smiling at me as if we'd ne'r a harsh word. I've not shown my anger yet but I have shown my vulnerability, unintentionally, but yes it's there, after all she does have some control over my employment to a degree.
I came home and looked up my employment rules and it says they have to give me a warning if necessary and try to resolve the issue etc. 3 warnings and then it becomes serious - but I've actually had no warnings so far because I've complied with her (the organisations) expectations when reprimanded.
I can see she is floundering because she is incompetent but I feel the only way to break the cycle you've mentioned is to follow the rules - I don't want to do that because it takes away my experience of being the kind of child carer I wish to be - hence my decision to resign.
It is a choice thing, the resigning. I either do it their way and stay or I find a place that's more in sync with how I like to do things.
So I do recognise now, that if I do speak up, I will end up unemployed before I find another job and that's not a good place for me to be at all so I've decided against speaking up. At the moment I'm mulling over the best thing for me to say in terms of why I'm resigning and how it can keep me on good terms should I come across them again in the community.

What you've said here:

What is the benefit of just resigning and saying nothing about the Centre Director
13.4.5.6 > 36

I don't like 36, in my experience it's a nasty and painful answer. 13.5 shows that if you don't speak up, some people from that workplace will continue to be on friendly terms with you in years to come (so, good references?). 13.6 most probably shows that you'll end up moving away from that community.

makes sense to me as I hope to be on friendly terms with a couple of the women I work with after I leave and also I've a strong feeling I will move away from this community by August this year. No concrete facts just a feeling.
 
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oceangirl

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Today I was very apprehensive about going to work but when I arrived two of my workmates bailed me up and said please don't leave (I'd confided in one of them last week) we like you and want you to stay.
Then as our shift was ending they asked if I'd join them in town for a coffee which I did. They have been absolutely wonderful and supportive and are shocked at the way the Centre Director has behaved towards me and have asked if I could give it a bit longer before I make my decision to resign.
It has made a difference but I'm still going for my interview this afternoon just to see if it might be a better fit regardless.
 
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diamanda

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That's good news oceangirl! Glad to hear that a few people in there are friendly, and care about you and support you. And great idea to go to that interview, just in case it's better, good luck :)
 
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oceangirl

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Update: I got offered a better paid position with more responsibility but the interview was done in 10 minutes that's set off alarm bells for me. However at this point in time, because of the support and kindness of two of my present colleagues, I'm not resigning allowing myself more time to see how things go. The centre director, by her actions towards me, seems to regret her behaviour. Anyway we'll see. I'm not sure if any of this is relevant to my readings but I always like to know what's happening with others stories on Clarity.
 
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Trojina

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Often Yi answers conversationally I think. That 13.4.5.6>36 looks like you said 'what if I just leave ?' and Yi said 'hey you feel hurt (36) but if you keep your boundaries safe (13.4) as it looks like you can do you can enjoy the fellowship of others there...so no need to leave (13.5).

I'm glad you are reconsidering because it sounds like you have friends there and having friends in your workplace is really important. Even really dull jobs become fun when you have good colleagues.
 
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oceangirl

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Thanks Trojina - incidentally both of them said the same thing when I told them of my plans to leave.....Don't leave you're fun to have around!!! Haha glad to know I'm playing my part for them.
 

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