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Thread: 17.3.4.5 to 36 love question

  1. #11
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    I'm not sure if the Yi is telling me that he's letting me go and moving on to something else, or if the Yi is telling me that I should do that, or if the Yi is saying I shouldn't worry and that he will be back if it's meant to be... Or is the reading just describing what happened already, that he returned? He and I met when I was quite isolated, so line 4 seems to fit with that, but maybe line 4 applies to how I feel and line 1 refers to how he feels?

    I am trying to handle his distance differently than I did when we first connected -- back then, he canceled plans right when things were getting intimate and in the same way, by saying he was depressed and needed time alone, and I panicked and sent him a long email asking if he needed help and if he was really trying to break things off, etc. I think it pushed him away. This time, I just told him I trust him and let it be. So maybe my learning process is where hexagram 4 comes in? Or does it mean I am just being a fool by re-engaging with this at all and I haven't learned anything? Sigh.

  2. #12
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    So maybe my learning process is where hexagram 4 comes in? Or does it mean I am just being a fool by re-engaging with this at all and I haven't learned anything?
    You asked about his position towards you, so the answer refers to him.
    I asked his position towards me and got 38.1.4 > 4

    38.1 - he left you in the past and you didn't go running after him.
    38.4 - so he trusts it's 'safe' for him to have sex with you again.
    4 - he has no idea what his position towards you is, he's very immature.

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    thisworldcompany (January 15th, 2018)

  4. #13
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    Thank you, diamanda. Immature sounds like it might be right.

    I'd like to think that 38.1 is about him assuming that I'm still moving out of town he's and keeping distance because of that, but there's Wing on 38.1: "If something inferior is being forced upon you, a cold shoulder will work wonders."

    38.4 seems positive but it might be about him isolating himself from me so that he can find someone else.

  5. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by thisworldcompany View Post
    I'd like to think that 38.1 is about him assuming that I'm still moving out of town he's and keeping distance because of that
    Yes that sounds very plausible as well.

  6. #15
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    Considering your results and the course of this story, I think he indeed has something for you and the possibility that he comes back to commit eventually isn't completely ruled out.
    Somehow I don't think that he coldly decided to have sex with you, because it will be easy going for him, like, you'll leave and he doesn't have to commit.
    I rather think it's kind of a push and pull dynamic -- he realises that you'll leave and in the face of losing you he starts to desire being with you again.
    Even when I say that I think that he has a thing for you, I don't dare to definitely say that you can ever be happy with him, because he seems to be remarkably afraid of intimate relationships.

    This could mean that he is normally ending up in longer relationships that are not too intense and therefore do not really confront him with his vulnerabilities. Possibly with somebody who excactly knows what they want and how to take it/maintain it. Are you like that? I can't know your character and don't want to offend you, but I think there could be a reason why you are highly drawn to a guy that behaves like that. Maybe you two are a more similar respectively complementary than you think in certain ways? Do you have relationship fears as well? (of course you don't have to answer on this very personal question, just think about it)

    So I think as long as no outer circumstance changes everything (like you move indeed or one of you starts a new relationship) things between you and him are still open.

    But of course you have to make a decision how and on whom you want to spend your energies. I know we can't deliberately decide for whom we fall, but we can slowly, slowly work on the patterns that cause us ending up in unrequited or unsatisfying love and therefore in pain. (and yes, sometimes we have just bad luck, almost everybody will experience the feeling of lovesickness, no matter how stable they are)

    This is no promise of course, neither I want to spread false hope nor I know what life has in store for you eventually. But I think it isn't impossible that if you change your patterns, you could trigger that change in him as well and the dynamics between you two may improve.
    But maybe you are soon fed up with him and this situation, maybe you meet somebody else who is able to trigger your best sides and you will live happily ever after with this other person. I don't know. Life is so short and full of almost unthinkable surprises: At the end this means, while it's okay and even important to be sad sometimes we never should end up in being miserable for a long time because of another person. All the best for you.
    Last edited by equinox; January 16th, 2018 at 09:06 AM.

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    thisworldcompany (January 17th, 2018)

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    Thank you, equinox, your post is beautiful and so insightful. This is making me see a lot of things I had not been seeing. You are right, I have many of my own very intense fears too. But I would like to try. I asked the Yi what I can do to have that intimacy with him and I got Hex 1 unchanging.

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    equinox (January 17th, 2018)

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    Hello thisworldcompany, I am very busy today, but will get back to this thread tomorrow. Best regards, see you, equinox

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    thisworldcompany (January 17th, 2018)

  12. #18
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    Thank you again, equinox. I've been thinking a lot on what hex 1 unchanging means. It could be that there is potential here, but it just won't be realized. It could be as simple as that I need more yang energy, but I don't quite understand that for this situation. I'm usually not good at using yang energy at all, but if I do use it, it tends to be in a negative way, or it causes negative consequences. I don't see how being more active would do anything but push him away, since he said he needed to be alone. Maybe I am not understanding the whole concept.

    But I tried to think of how to approach this creatively and, being more of a receptive person, I just asked for a dream that would help me understand. I'm a little disappointed that the dream was so mundane -- I dreamed that I was on my way to a bookstore and finally received a text from him. He was just asking me some simple technical question about wifi or something, something he would not need to ask anyone, much less me specifically. I had a strong intuition he would be at the bookstore when I arrived and he was. In the past he had acted like he didn't like this bookstore when I had asked him to go there with me, but now he seemed to like it just fine. He was sitting on a couch with either his phone or laptop. He looked scared and guilty and uncomfortable when he saw me, his eyes were wide and kept darting around. I sat on the couch next to him and asked what was going on, and although I tried to control it, I knew I looked sad and beeseeching in my eyes. He didn't really answer. When I left to get in a car, he followed me, though it seemed out of obligation or guilt or politeness. He started to get in the driver's seat, but then stepped out and gestured towards it, embarrassed. He went round to sit in the passenger seat and I just stood there looking at the car because I don't drive, and because I felt so bad that he was just coming along with me out of guilt.

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    I got a job, so I don’t have to move. Not sure how to tell him this. I was thinking about the dream and realized that I didn’t actually know what he was feeling in any of that. He might just be scared and lost. I think a bad pattern I’ve had in the past is trying much too hard to help, so I just texted that I hope his upcoming trip goes well and that he takes care of himself. I panicked and asked the Yi for a general diagnosis of things now: 13.3. This made me panic even more, so I asked how I can remove the mistrust and got 38.1.5.6 — more 38. This one really made me cry. I might need to stop consulting the Yi because I am working and worrying so much. This is extremely important to me and I hope I am doing the right thing.

  14. #20
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    Considering all those results you received, I think in the first place you should focus on letting go your expectations and the wish to take charge of those events happening in context of this relationship. Right now you don't seem to be able anyway right now, possibly also mirrored by the metaphor in your dream, 'you can't drive the car' -- but that doesn't mean that it has to be like this forever.

    To him you said, you trust him and let him be.
    In this thread you say, you are panicking and worrying so much because of him.
    You see? Your behaviour towards him is simply not authentic, because of your fear you could do anything wrong that pushes him away.
    But even you have the best intentions, there is a tendency to make things worse if we try to demonstrate indepence towards a person, if this is just acted and not heartfelt. So the solution is that you have to really develop this independence within yourself.

    Maybe hexagram 1 is not only suggesting that there is indeed a potential between you two that can't materialise (yet, maybe), simply because you are both not ready for it.
    Hexagram 1 additionally could be read here as an invitation to concentrate on your creative talents that make you loving your life and therefore feeling more independent, may it be taking vocal lessons, a cooking course, a writing class, renovating your flat or recreating your garden or whatever, I don't don't know what your interests are, but now it is a good time to focus on them and therefore on our own wellbeing instead of clinging to this story with this guy obsessively.

    You don't have to be afraid of 'doing the right thing', as long as you (learn to) live your life in a 'take it or leave it' attitude, everything will become then like it is meant to be. I know this is easier said than done, but I am convinced, that it works.

    Your other results, the repeated 38 and 13.3 show that there a lot of profound misunderstandings and communication problems between you, that are hard to overcome right now, but not totally insolvable. You two seem inwardly to be more connected than you are able to realise right now. Relating hexagram 59 of your result 38 may hint you should 'disperse' -- your fears, your expectations for example, I already mentioned it in the first paragraph. The relating result of 13.3, hex 25, is suggesting that you should 'disentangle'.
    And you received line 38.1 once again -- the horse will come back on it's own accord, if it is yours. Trust in it.

    Btw you don't have to think too much how to tell him, that you stay in town. It is your life and your decision after all. You don't have to or even shouldn't justify it before whomever.
    Last edited by equinox; January 18th, 2018 at 11:27 PM.

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