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Relationship rollercoaster - 51UC & 13.3.4 > 42

BlackSwan

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So I've been in quite an up & down relationship with my ex boyfriend the past while, who suffers from severe bouts of depression. He lives abroad.
I've posted about it before here: https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?24085-Hex-51-6-gt-21-Shock

To cut a long story short I flew over to see him just over 3wks ago. It was was going well & one of mornings he turned to me & told me he was in love with me & wanted me to officially be his girlfriend :) Finally no more hiding feelings or what we wanted! (It was driving us both nuts!). We had a good night out & met up with a guy he knows over there as he wanted to discuss one of his business partners he has been butting heads with since he first got there, which has been causing him alot of stress & adding to his depressive episodes.
So later on when we got home I decided to bring up something that he had said a week or two previously that had really bothered me & had significance to the way we'd be moving forward....the second the words came out of my mouth I realised that it was completely the wrong place & time to bring it up! I apologised straight away & could see an agreement brewing so just kept repeating to him that I shouldn't have brought it up at that time, we went to sleep unhappy.
So when we woke up that morning that was the first topic of conversation & he started spiralling, then went into a full on breakdown! It was absolutely heartbreaking to watch! He kept erratically jumping from one topic to another, feelings of total worthlessness & hatred for himself...I genuinely thought if I hadn't been there there was a possibility he might take his own life. All I could do was hold him (he wouldn't let me at first) & tell him I love him & that I was here for him whenever he was ready. He eventually calmed & said how much he loved & appreciated me, he even said he wanted to have babies there & then! Obviously I took this with a pinch of salt knowing he was in a heightened emotional state. So I left to return home, leaving in a good place relationship wise.

So since I've been back it's been ok but we've sometimes squabbled a bit on the phone. I've been really stressed over my current situation of facing homelessness (https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?24310-Facing-homelessness-6-2-4-gt-20) & also was suppose to start a course in a niche area of physical fitness but & had just found out my foot is broken after walking round on it in pain for over 2mths so have had to cancel the whole thing. I am on complete immobility treatment for a while which for me as an extremely active person & a single parent was a real blow, & the final straw so to speak. So I have been extremely down, over reacting to things constantly & I would imagine very hard to listen to, especially for someone in such a highly depressive state.

It all came to a head over the space of a few days while I was in this down mindset; I felt completely unsupported so called him out on it, asking why he hadn't offered to come help me (I was barely able to shuffle around my house & was miserable) when I have always been there for him. Somehow we got talking about future plans, which escalated with him saying he didn't know if he saw a long term future together with me, I lost it with him asking why the hell would he ask me to be in a relationship with him if he knew all he wanted was casual, it was insulting & wasting my time, & then he said he retracted asking me out! I was shocked & appalled! How could you tell someone you were in love with them, expect them to be in an exclusive relationship & fly to another country with your child to see him for something casual, no intent of anything long term? I felt very hurt & betrayed; I called him a liar (admittedly a little over dramatic!). So we haven't contacted each other since. It's been over 10 days.

It still upsets me. And after all we've been through together & all the times he said I was the only thing he thought about while we were apart, for him to just want something casual but act & state otherwise is misleading & frankly insulting. That is voluntarily wasting my time by stringing me along & I am actually shocked that he of all people would act that way.
But talking a step back I know his go to is to throw things away, with people, places, jobs etc. He has a habit of burning bridges instead of dealing with things in a functional manner. Still hurts though.

So not wanting to waste any more of my time if it is going nowhere, & sick of all the drama, I asked "Is there a future with him" - Hex 51 Unchanging

Shock! Well that's a pretty obvious one as I am myself in a bit of shock over his reaction. I'm never totally sure about how to read unchanging Hex's. Is this saying emotional shocks now but we will get over it, not to let it break me/us, no real harm done? Not all doom & gloom, possibly even auspicious?

I was also considering reaching out to him, admitting that I over reacted because I'm not in a great place with my current circumstances, that i just felt hurt & betrayed by his reaction, possibly letting him know that I know he can't handle what's going on in my life right now & that's ok.
I don't want to fight & I don't want any anger between us, I feel we're both probably in need of each other right now & don't need this feud going on in the background.

So I asked: Is it beneficial to reach out to him at this time? - 13.3.4. > 42

Both 13 & 42 seem to talk of togetherness, benefiting from respecting each other. 42 even mentions "it is beneficial to cross the big river" (he lives abroad)
But I'm really unsure of the lines here:
13.3 - the troops lie hidden, for 3yrs he does not rise up - could be putting our weapons away, stop bickering!
13.4 - he climbs up the wall, he cannot attack. Good fortune. - maybe overcoming our differences without quarrel?

Anyone have any input or experiences with these Hex's & lines?
 

Trojina

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So since I've been back it's been ok but we've sometimes squabbled a bit on the phone. I've been really stressed over my current situation of facing homelessness (https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?24310-Facing-homelessness-6-2-4-gt-20) & also was suppose to start a course in a niche area of physical fitness but & had just found out my foot is broken after walking round on it in pain for over 2mths so have had to cancel the whole thing. I am on complete immobility treatment for a while which for me as an extremely active person & a single parent was a real blow, & the final straw so to speak. So I have been extremely down, over reacting to things constantly & I would imagine very hard to listen to, especially for someone in such a highly depressive state.

Things aren't going well are they ...fate seems to be conspiring to immobilise you, what with that advise in the 6 reading....you really are being told not to press forward in your own way and now the foot another thing telling you to stop.

It all came to a head over the space of a few days while I was in this down mindset; I felt completely unsupported so called him out on it, asking why he hadn't offered to come help me (I was barely able to shuffle around my house & was miserable) when I have always been there for him. Somehow we got talking about future plans, which escalated with him saying he didn't know if he saw a long term future together with me, I lost it with him asking why the hell would he ask me to be in a relationship with him if he knew all he wanted was casual, it was insulting & wasting my time, & then he said he retracted asking me out! I was shocked & appalled! How could you tell someone you were in love with them, expect them to be in an exclusive relationship & fly to another country with your child to see him for something casual, no intent of anything long term? I felt very hurt & betrayed; I called him a liar (admittedly a little over dramatic!). So we haven't contacted each other since. It's been over 10 days.

Love isn't just words it's being there for someone and if they ain't there well....BUT I'm not you and I don't know him like you do so that's just my opinion/bias.

It still upsets me. And after all we've been through together & all the times he said I was the only thing he thought about while we were apart, for him to just want something casual but act & state otherwise is misleading & frankly insulting. That is voluntarily wasting my time by stringing me along & I am actually shocked that he of all people would act that way.
But talking a step back I know his go to is to throw things away, with people, places, jobs etc. He has a habit of burning bridges instead of dealing with things in a functional manner. Still hurts though.

I don't care for the sound of his backtracking....he loves you but when you are in trouble he's not sure he wants to commit :confused: this would be too much trouble for me

So not wanting to waste any more of my time if it is going nowhere, & sick of all the drama, I asked "Is there a future with him" - Hex 51 Unchanging

Shock! Well that's a pretty obvious one as I am myself in a bit of shock over his reaction. I'm never totally sure about how to read unchanging Hex's. Is this saying emotional shocks now but we will get over it, not to let it break me/us, no real harm done? Not all doom & gloom, possibly even auspicious?

Here's one of the unchanging threads on 51uc https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/fri...ing-hexagrams-hexagram-51&p=177040#post177040 which might provide some thoughts. My guess is this might just be a self contained thing, there is shock of course but not a lot actually comes from it in terms of change. You could end up going on as before anyway.

I was also considering reaching out to him, admitting that I over reacted because I'm not in a great place with my current circumstances, that i just felt hurt & betrayed by his reaction, possibly letting him know that I know he can't handle what's going on in my life right now & that's ok.
I don't want to fight & I don't want any anger between us, I feel we're both probably in need of each other right now & don't need this feud going on in the background.

So I asked: Is it beneficial to reach out to him at this time? - 13.3.4. > 42

Both 13 & 42 seem to talk of togetherness, benefiting from respecting each other. 42 even mentions "it is beneficial to cross the big river" (he lives abroad)
But I'm really unsure of the lines here:
13.3 - the troops lie hidden, for 3yrs he does not rise up - could be putting our weapons away, stop bickering!
13.4 - he climbs up the wall, he cannot attack. Good fortune. - maybe overcoming our differences without quarrel?

Anyone have any input or experiences with these Hex's & lines?

13.3.4>42 over whether it is beneficial to reach out to him ? Yes I think it probably is. He probably, looking at line 3, also wants to reach out to you and it's a case of neither of wanting to make the first move. Line 4 says all is okay if you keep good boundaries between people. The thing is now you know he isn't very reliable in ways that matter, well you may still love him but you know you have to take care of your life more alone than you'd like. So this is something to think about, a choice. Is it worth it for you ? If it is then I guess you have to come to accept there are these barriers between your lives, don't cross them and then it can work out. To me that sounds like him having his cake and eating it. He gets the benefits of you but doesn't support you but I could be being too harsh given as you say he has numerous life issues/mental health problems. Then again you already have one child to take care of..is he another disguised as an adult man.

But yes 13.3..4>42 seems encouraging to me for reaching out, and there is 42 in the background so maybe the whole situation can improve between you. That's what the reading says...my personal view is you should take not to waste your time on him if he isn't really there for you but I am not the Oracle :) Also whilst the reading is fair enough for reaching out, it doesn't promise anything about the relationship overall so that's something to keep exploring with him I guess.
 

BlackSwan

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Hi Trojina, sorry I thought I had clicked post on this reply!


Of course Trojina! I totally see it now that you've pointed it out! With all these readings, the housing situation, my course & now my foot - the universe is really slamming on the breaks in my life! :duh:

Perhaps I've been unfair in saying he never offers support. It's maybe not the support I wanted ie. rushing to my aid with the broken foot, emotional support etc. But during this whole thing with the house he has pretty much constantly offered us a place to stay with him over in Europe, even just to hide out to figure out my next step. He has also offered a room in his mother's house if push comes to shove & we need to move out quickly.
I am fiercely independent, never ask for help & have a really hard time accepting help so I've never even entertained these ideas, in fact I've totally shrugged them off! I've been so caught up in everything that I couldn't see a possible solution starring me right in the face!


So I did reach out to him & we had a big heart to heart conversation. Turns out that he thought I was asking him to move back here to our home country (he thought that's where I meant long term future), which I would never ask him to do, particularly in the current housing crisis & state of the country. He stated that he does in fact want a future with me, that I'm the only one he's ever wanted that with. He again offered his place to stay, asking for me to just let him look after myself & my daughter for a little while.

And this is the spooky part; he started telling me everything that the lines & Hex's had been telling me in the readings I'd been doing about my housing situation!! :eek:
It was like the Oracle was speaking through him! It was either a shake up from Yi or me finally seeing a bit of sense....I'd like to think both! :)
 

angelatlantis14

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Hi Newbie,

this is not an answer to the reading interpretation query - just a personal opinion from someone who has had their share of dysfunctional relationships with dysfunctional people - so take it as it is or not :) I don't mean to lecture you or anything....just my opinion is that you should forego all further involvement and hopes of a future with this person. This man is probably not evil, and seriously means the things he says - in the moment he says them and his emotional background allows. But, he is likely simply too ill to have a real relationship, and anything he says or does is not safe for you in the long run.
The only circumstance in which I could see an exception to this is if he voluntarily and of his own initiative admitted he has mental problems, and would seek professional help. Other than that, I am afraid that the pattern of attraction / rejection will repeat itself ad inifinitum...


just my 2 c ents

maui
 

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