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54.1.2–16 Best attitude to start a relationship 63.3 How to leave behind past

telesfora

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Hi,
this is the first time I post here although I’ve been following this site for a long time and I really appreciate it.
My question was: How would be the appropriate attitude to start a relationship (= how I would have to relate to men to have a generous, committed relationship)?
I received 54.1.2 – 16.

I asked this question because I think I should change the way I relate to men to have a different kind of relationship.
I received a strict religious education. I have never had clear what is the real “ideal” way of sexuality, what is “God’s will in my life”. I am perfectly aware of how this can sound strange, unreal or immature for some people. I would like to know what are God’s values for me in life but eliminate unhealthy and superstitious thinking.

I had several short relationships but never been open and balanced enough to feel fulfilled in a relationship, for that reason I renounced of it. From time to time I had some occasional, quick sex then tried to build those sexual encounters to a relationship. Between those relationships easily could pass years of abstinence. My deep feeling is that I gave love and care to my partners and I was faithful to them but I wasn’t very balanced so I have always this negative feeling that I wasn’t good enough to them. Also have some guilty feeling about initiating with quick sex that couldn’t lead to a balanced relationship. (I have to say that guys were not unhappy about having occasional sex.)

I would like to build a “healthy” and generous relationship. I feel much better in my life and a health problem that made me feel down is now solved! But I still don’t know what would be for me the proper way to start a relationship. I asked the question to have some insight about how I could sort of refresh myself and be sure that I am able to approach a guy in a better way I did before.

So I asked: How would be the appropriate attitude to start a relationship?
However I am in my early forties. Maybe relationships are just not for me? Deep down when formulating my question, I also wanted to ask: if I don’t find a committed relationship, I should renounce of sex?

I was consulting james de korne’s website
http://www.jamesdekorne.com/GBCh/hex54.htm

and he quotes:
54.
“Legge: The Chinese phrase for this hexagram might be equivalent to the English "giving in marriage,” but there are some special meanings in this case which must be understood. The Judgment gives a bad auspice because the trigram of the Youngest Daughter is beneath the trigram of the Eldest Son. Since the action of the hexagram begins with the lowest trigram, we have two violations of propriety. First, the marriage is initiated by the woman and her friends. She goes unilaterally to her future home instead of the bridegroom coming to fetch her. Second, the parties are unequally matched -- there is too great a disparity in their ages.”

Maybe it’s about me aggressively wanting a relationship instead of letting go?

54.1
“The maiden marries and becomes a concubine. The lame can walk -- to advance brings good fortune. [Some advance is indicated, but not a very splendid one. To become a concubine is doubtless better than remaining single; to walk with a limp is better than not walking at all – neither is greatly to be desired.]”

… speaking of concubine, might mean that being a lover it’s the only way for me?

54.2
“ Legge's rendition of "the firm correctness of a solitary widow” implies virtuous abstinence -- not giving one's energy to any force that would compromise our integrity.”

This line speaks about abstinence.

I’ve also asked I Ching about how to liberate myself from false patterns of the past, to be more exact, I asked what are my old patterns. I received several times 63.3 which mentions demons. But I still don’t know what false patterns I should leave behind: sex without a committed relationship or the opposite (guiltiness for having sex without a committed relationship).

63.3
Constancy, good fortune, regrets vanish.
The Thunderer uses this to attack the Demon Country.
Three years go round, and there are rewards in the great city.

I think it’s obvious that English is not my first language, so what I am describing might seem confused, sorry about this.
I would be very grateful if somebody could help with interpretation. Thank you.
 
D

diamanda

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Hi agaragar and welcome,

How would be the appropriate attitude to start a relationship? 54.1.2 > 16
The answer says that someone accepts an inferior position as a mistress (54.1).
Then the mistress spends a long lonely time (54.2).
And then, after the bad start and the loneliness, there's some fun, illusions, delusions (16).
This doesn't sound like describing a wholesome relationship at all.
So obviously it shows you what not to do.
It shows you that if you start by accepting to be second best, a relationship won't happen.

Maybe it’s about me aggressively wanting a relationship instead of letting go?
54 (which as I mentioned, is not the way to go) is not aggressive, on the contrary it's way too passive.
A man shows you that sex is all he wants, you passively accept (but still passively hope for commitment...).
When anyone wants a proper relationship, they need to put serious effort into it.
Effort into keeping fit and looking good, effort into looking around and mingling.
And then further effort to carefully screen the potential candidates.
And then even more effort into negotiating/establishing rules and borders between the couple.
So I'd say you need to be more strategically energetic.

if I don’t find a committed relationship, I should renounce of sex?
Why would you want to do that?
As long as you keep those two separate in your mind, I don't see a problem.

I asked what are my old patterns 63.3 > 3
After years of struggles, you made the mistake to 'employ' inferior men.
And that constantly plunged you into more chaos.
 

telesfora

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Dear Diamanda, thanks a lot for your interpretation, a great help. Makes really sense!
I was trying to edit my post, it’s my first one and didn’t realize how long it is :( You answered the essential points.
Thanks again for your advice and time.
 

rosada

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What attitude to start a relationship?
Hexagram 54.1.2 - hexagram 16.
Hexagram 54 is similar to hexagram 2 in that there is a sense of responding rather than initiating. Thus your attitude should be one of responding to initiatives. If someone makes you smile, smile broadly - show your feelings!
54.1 Do your best and know your good qualities will be recognized and appreciated.
54.2 Your expectations / fantasies may be impossible to fulfill. Be loyal to a good man and love will grow.

16. Enthusiasm describes a joyous life experience - a very positive omen for the potential of creating a grand partnership!
 

rosada

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What are the old patterns that now must change?
Hexagram 63.3 - hexagram 3.
You have given people mixed signals about what you wanted, maybe even encouraged relationships with people you knew were not right for you.
 

telesfora

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Thank you Rosada. My lecture of 54 was quite depressing but both your s and Diamanda s interpretation are very encouraging!
You are right with 54.2, I have indeed too high expectations, and also with 63.3 regarding the mixed signals.
It s great to receive pratical advice!
 

rosada

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I just wanted to further comment that I think 63.3 is such a fitting response to how to leave the past behind.
After Completion.
Constancy. Good fortune. Regrets vanish.(Stick with your decision to let the past be completed, over and done with. You wont regret it.)
Use this to attack the Demon Country (Remember this decision when old memories try to haunt you.)
Three years go round, and there are rewards in the great city. (It takes awhile to completely release the past and establish a new routine but the new life you create will be worth it.)
 

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