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What can I do to find love? 28.5.6 > 50

Emilka

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Hello Everyone. I've been single for years now, and I started to feel lonely. I have a hunch that love, closeness, relationships are not for me, that I'm doomed. I truly don't remember what is like to be in genuine relationship any more :(

That is why I asked I Ching: What can I do to find love? And the answer is hexagram 28.5.6 to 50

I don't know how to read it in case of advice. 28 is advising me that I should bury the unhappy past and calm down. On the other hand, 28.5 is about barren relationship. Hex 50 is a transformation, but... should I change completely to regain my peace of mind?

I will be very glad, thank you.
Emilka
 

rosada

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Hexagram 28.5 cautions that while you are looking for love it would be good to be clear on just what that means to you. A comfortable companion to enjoy dinners and a night out with from time to time or are you looking for a husband, kids and a mortgage - "The full catastrophe" as Zorba The Greek would say? The I Ching seems to be in favor of simple friendship.

50. The Caldron is used in religious ceremonies. Perhaps you are being guided to participate in group gatherings that share your spiritual leanings - many people claim they met their soulmate in church. On a more mundane level this could be telling you you'll find love where people gather who share your interests - that could be anywhere from Match.com to the local bowling alley, it's up to you.

If you want to try a bit of magic, burn a red candle, take the bachflower essence Holly, and put something that symbolizes romantic partnership (like a picture of two love birds) in the far back right hand corner inside your house.
 
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Emilka

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Hello Rosada, thank you for your response.

One, but meaningful remark - my thread is 28.5.6, not 28.4.5.
You've mentioned that I Ching is telling about "simple friendship" - what do you mean by that? There are many great people in my life who are friends of mine, but this could not be an equivalent of true and deep love shared with one person. I suppose we do know and can be honest - it's not the same. Not for me. Do you suggest that I Ching is saying - love is not for you?
 

Trojina

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That is why I asked I Ching: What can I do to find love? And the answer is hexagram 28.5.6 to 50

I don't know how to read it in case of advice. 28 is advising me that I should bury the unhappy past and calm down. On the other hand, 28.5 is about barren relationship. Hex 50 is a transformation, but... should I change completely to regain my peace of mind?

No 28 doesn't mean you should bury the past and calm down and 28.5 is not about a barren relationship. What does 28.5 actually say ? From Hilary's translation in wikiwing

'Withered willow sprouts flowers,
Venerable wife gets upright husband.
No blame, no praise.'


Nothing about being barren except in old sexist commentaries where it is deemed if there is no fruit, no children, then the relationship is 'barren'. Of course it isn't, things can be enjoyed for their own sake and aren't to be judged by results. Two people of 60 can still have a great relationship, it isn't 'barren' simply because they can no longer have kids they will enjoy what they have for it's own sake.

28 in general can feel like a time of extremity where one is 'out on a limb'. There's a pressure to move out from under extreme pressures and here I think it most likely describes your sense of 'I can't take this anymore' which comes across in what you say.

Your question is asking what to do to find love. I think your sense of desperation can serve in moving you forward, might even be a kind of catalyst for something to happen with 50 as relating hexagram.

I've very much the sense you are going through an inner process which is pushing you to a sense of extremity about the whole thing. This has a purpose in bringing you to a new position in what you expect of a relationship, what feels right to you. Maybe this won't be at all the same as it has been in the past. Line 6 shows how this almost overwhelms you but it's okay to let it.

This isn't a clear 'what to do' reply from me, I can't see that, but I really do not feel you need to come away from the reading with any notion that love is not for you.

I think there's quite a lot going on in you, a lot of transformation, who knows what might come.
 
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rosada

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Hi Emilka, Thanks for catching that typo. I meant 28.5. I've corrected it now.
Anyway, the line refers to a woman who marries a younger man and they do not have children so it's unusual. One of the ideas associated with this image is that the situation is one where you need to consider what you expect to get from your efforts. Presumably the older woman is not looking to have children and is happy with her husband but then the question is, why did they marry? Or at least that's how I'm seeing it today.
Anyway, this suggests to me that the I Ching is advising you that you need to be alert to the possibility of meeting some one, falling in love, making all sorts of commitments and then you realizing that while you didn't want to go on being totally alone, still there were some benefits in being single. You're not a little girl anymore, you've got your own life by now. And the man will of course have his own life. You may not be wanting to pull up stakes and follow his life. So it seems like there's a little warning here at the beginning to stop and consider the life you could be signing on for. Dinner dates are delightful - cleaning house not so much so.
On the positive side I think this is a very good omen for connecting with a partner.
 

Emilka

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I wanna thank you both for your responses.

Trojina, you're totally right in your interpretation. After reading your post I thought that maybe I Ching simply showed me my whole attitude, not exactly telling me what to do specifically. Feeling of loneliness is in fact overwhelming. Maybe it is about inner transformation which is necessery to push things ahead.

About "barren" line, I totally agree with you. I encountered readings which claimed that this is about barren and unneeded thing in life. That's why I have written that way.

Rosada, thank you for an explanation :) This is clear to me.
 

rosada

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Hi Emilka,
I was thinking more about your reading this morning and I wonder if the I Ching is saying that right now you do have great friends in your life, like the lady in 28.5, and that these friendships aren't going to grow into what you are looking for in a love relationship and further more maybe 28.6 is saying your friends are taking up more of your time/resources than you should be giving. Maybe the friends you have right now are filling your "cauldron" and that's the way it is. No judgement given as to what you should do but I suggest you consider your various friendships and social obligations and if you recognize there are some people or commitments that are taking up too much of your time you should figure out how to address that. Certainly if you do decide to enter a deeper friendship with one person there will be others who you will naturally let go of. Bottomline, eliminate - or at least recognize - friendships that are not supportive of you and focus on those that are.
 

Trojina

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I was thinking more about your reading this morning and I wonder if the I Ching is saying that right now you do have great friends in your life, like the lady in 28.5, and that these friendships aren't going to grow into what you are looking for in a love relationship....

I don't know where you are getting the idea that 28.5 is exclusively about friendships Rosada ? No matter which translation you look at there is a husband. Who knows if it will literally be a husband here but the line certainly isn't saying there can't be one and this is some kind of 'friendship only' line.


Hilary's translation

'Withered willow sprouts flowers,
Venerable wife gets upright husband.
No blame, no praise.'

Wilhelm

'An older woman takes a husband'

The word 'older' isn't necessarily even there it can be 'refined gentleman'. In any case I don't think this line means nothing more than friendship since it uses both words 'husband' and 'wife' in the line.
 

rosada

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I didn't say 28.5 means "exclusively" friendship.

I'm looking at Emilka's answer as if it is a snapshot of her situation at the moment she asked her question, "How can I find love?" If 28.5 is a picture of her current world and if, as she says in one of her posts, she has many friends, then I'm wondering if these friendships are as binding as a marriage - some friendships are - and thus may be preventing her from finding and developing a more fulfilling partnership.
 

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