Best approach to X? 36.1-15

I have a connection that has drained me all my life.
I have nursed this person through depressions etc etc but when I myself need aid, they are no use to me at all, and worse they can be unbelievably selfish and demeaning to me. I have been keeping them at bay but I keep getting requests for meeting up. It's masked as concern about me, but I know from experience they are the one looking for something. I am so utterly fed up. They are older and have had authority over me since I was young. I always take responsibility for my life experiences knowing I am part of every relationship. But do I owe someone who is selfish anything? I bet they are just going through a lonely period and so I have become their focus. Appeals to family bonds, togetherness, life being short are all guilting me in to reconnect.

Help.

Ok it's not letting me edit my post.. so I'll add here that it seems to me tosay, continue to keep safe by turning down contact.

I wonder does it have more layers of information?

I feel bad but I also feel so much happier not getting sucked in.
I would like to find a way to stop them focusing on me though..
I'd like to say the truth, but I just think it would be a waste of my time and it would most likely be opening a door to complicated conversations where they just don't get it (have no real interest in understanding), but use the conversations to latch onto me, turn it back on me and tell me I have issues etc and project all their stuff onto me. Em

Ah now I want to reduce both posts to be more simple, but I can't get edit button to work. Ah well, so it shall be..

Lodestar, may I offer my two-penorth If you visualise yourself enclosed in an egg which is surrounded by Mirrors facing outwards, your 'friend' will not be able to contact you, every attempt to hurt or harass you will be returned to her/him.

Hi Lodestar, maybe the best way to approach X is hiding your brightness? or Darken your light (36) and preserve your integrity (15)? There is light in this hexagram, but it is hidden (under the earth) sometimes we hide our light because the surroundings are not sensitive and will hurt it, or because we are opportunistics and will get a profit from the concealment. The first line makes me think about a pain for something that could not be, that was not what we expected or needed, but —in any case— it cannot be changed. So I guess talking/opening up will have the exact effects you mentioned. Maybe the Yi is saying that if you show them your light they will hurt you (again) so, don't. Does it help you think about your situation? Hope so. Best

Hilary describes 36.1 as flying under the radar. It requires focusing on your own goals so nothing distracts you. 15. Modesty is often about keeping things small. Seems to me the I Ching is advising you to give less importance to this person. Easy to say but hard to do!

I think 36.1 is the classic line of getting out of things by giving excuses. Giving excuses means no confrontation and escaping by going 'under the radar'.

So I think a practical solution here is to simply become unavailable. There can be a slight tongue in cheek tone to the line...'oh dear my wings are hanging down I can't make it' can be tanatamount to 'oh sorry I can't meet up I have so much work to do/I'm tired'...anything that seems appropriate.

There are times to be open with people about why you don't want to see them but this isn't one of them. Confrontation, saying things can lead to more interaction but gradually reducing availability is not something people can fight with so easily.

In 36 one goes undercover to protect one's light. White lies here are the way to go I think, be stealthy, say nothing outwardly but make sure your calendar always clashes with the next visit or something. It's surprising how long one can keep that going for. You do have a right as an adult to choose who you have in your life so there is nothing wrong with avoidance here.

Other times yes being straight about it might be the way to go but with 36 it really isn't. Get an invisibility cloak and become simply not there.