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my father's impending death

Rasalila

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My dad has congestive heart failure and has to wear a defibrillator vest 24/7 in case he has a heart attack. I asked how I would be affected by my father's death, and also to have an idea of how long it would be from now-days, months, years? I'm fairly young to be going through this, I'm 42, and it's come quite suddenly. Last week was when it really hit me and I did a lot of emotional processing. Me and my dad were very close when I was a small child but he's been emotionally unavailable since I was about 14, so him dying wouldn't be a huge shift in my everyday life since I rarely speak to him. But I know it will be hard and scary and sad and all of that. Just saying, it's not like if my child or my best friend were dying. Anyway, I got 52.3.6 changing to 2. It's interesting that line 3 talks a lot about the heart. Insights?
 

rosada

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I find hexagram 2. The Receptive unchanging describes a blank surface. Think of the ocean where something may fall in but then the water covers it up and there is no trace. Or since it is made up of the two trigrams for Earth, you could visualize it as a wide open field like a cemetery.
The hexagram 52.3.6 Keeping Still could be referencing your father's death, his heart literally stilled, and it could also be a comment on your relationship as you say you are rarely in contact. The third line indicates the situation is not comfortable and while this could refer to your father's heart literally, it could also be an observation on his inability to connect emotionally, or would you say that it is you who now resists reaching out?
Together the hexagrams seem to be saying, "If you and he continue keeping still, you're father will disappear without a trace."

Although you have not asked the I Ching what action you ought to take, I think the oracle is giving you an insight as to what possibilities there are in this situation for creating a peaceful "karma-clean" dissolution of the earthly ties between you and your dad. Line 3. is negative yet line 6 is positive. This suggests to me that ultimately your father is going to pass, so the advice in this oracle is not geared towards a physical healing. Rather I think 52.3.6 is the path leading to the 2. "Elysian Fields". Step one is noting that 52.3 is pointing out a tenseness that has become hard heartedness (perhaps the cause of the physical manifestation of hard arteries?). 52.3 changes to hexagram 23. Scrapping, which could indicate the need to scrape the plaque off the arteries but also advice to scrape the old stuck energies surrounding him. Then you read 23.6 and it talks about noble people getting a cart, small people just changing the furniture around. This says to me that by reactivating and clearing the "hearteries" - the emotional vibration between you and your dad - you will be able to move on to your next lives smoothly - otherwise you'll have gotten nothing out of the connection and will "just move the furniture around" - recreate old patterns.
Sound therapy is a very effective tool for rebalancing emotional vibrations. You can search it on the internet. It's a good place to start. Strengthen yourself before calling him or you might get magnetically drawn back into old defense patterns!
 
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Rasalila

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Thank you, Rosada, that is so insightful. It's mostly been him that has resisted closeness, but in the last few years it's been me too. After 15 years of living in a different state, I moved back to my home town last February. I find it very synchronistic that this is happening now, after being away for so long. He's always shied away from needing people on any level, but he's reached out to me this last week and I've been ready and available. I feel like that, in itself, has healed some things. I've done work over the last few years and have let go of my resentment of him not ever visiting us or working to maintain a relationship with my kids. And I wonder if him needing me and me being there has healed something for him. My fear is that I won't be able to keep this up for long. I've been going over to his house and visiting everyday, but needed to take a break this weekend, as it's very uncomfortable and stressful for me to be there. It's hard to see him in this weakened state and since we haven't been intimate since childhood, there's this lingering fear that I'll have to be intimate with him now. So a big part for me is to stay present, maybe that's 52. Also, I've always thought that we'd have a stronger relationship in death than we have now. When i saw 2, I thought that maybe that could represent me being open to feeling his presence after he passes.
 

Trojina

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My dad has congestive heart failure and has to wear a defibrillator vest 24/7 in case he has a heart attack. I asked how I would be affected by my father's death, and also to have an idea of how long it would be from now-days, months, years? I'm fairly young to be going through this, I'm 42, and it's come quite suddenly. Last week was when it really hit me and I did a lot of emotional processing. Me and my dad were very close when I was a small child but he's been emotionally unavailable since I was about 14, so him dying wouldn't be a huge shift in my everyday life since I rarely speak to him. But I know it will be hard and scary and sad and all of that. Just saying, it's not like if my child or my best friend were dying. Anyway, I got 52.3.6 changing to 2. It's interesting that line 3 talks a lot about the heart. Insights?

That's 2 very different questions. 52 is asking you not to dwell on something or let it affect you, that would be either how long he has left or to do with how you will be affected.

in 52 one is not affected or is advised to be still, unmoved, impervious to others. it seems overall a very still and accepting answer except for the commotion in line 3 where due to the struggle to remain composed one sort of splits oneself in two so the heart doesn't know what the head's agenda is and vice versa. But in line 6 you get past that.

My fear is that I won't be able to keep this up for long. I've been going over to his house and visiting everyday, but needed to take a break this weekend, as it's very uncomfortable and stressful for me to be there. It's hard to see him in this weakened state and since we haven't been intimate since childhood, there's this lingering fear that I'll have to be intimate with him now. So a big part for me is to stay present, maybe that's 52.

No 52 is about not being present to others, remaining untouched by their concerns. Naturally you have to do what you have to do but there is no reason you need to become suddenly unravelled and intimate with him, not according to this answer anyway and I think it's a very clear answer. From Hilary's translation

Keeping your back still,
Not grasping your self.
Moving in your rooms,
Not seeing your people.
Not a mistake.'

Here's a chunk of her commentary

'And in parallel: you move in your rooms, your domestic space (or the chambers of your mind, which can also get crowded with people), and don't see your people. Being fully aware of other people, sensitive to their presence and needs, is generally thought a Good Thing – hence the reassurance that not to be aware of them is ‘not a mistake’. .'


and the Image

'Joined mountains. Keeping still.
The noble Rasalila reflects, and does not come forth from her situation.'

I inserted your name, it can help.

It is quite okay for you to be just as contained with him as you have been. There is no need to expect more of yourself than that. I wonder if the splitting in line 3 is to do with your ideas about how people ought to act around deathbeds of relatives and so on. Yi is assuring you it is fine to keep your detachment, to stay emotionally comfortable.

Above all else this is mountain over mountain, Keeping Still. You really are not being asked to move yourself any great distance from where you naturally need to be.
 

Rasalila

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Thanks Trojina, that's good to hear. There's a friend of his who has been calling and texting me ALOT, insisting that I handle things in a certain way. Her way is not my way, though. I have my own way of doing things, so reading your last post validates that. People also tell you to cherish every moment with him, a friend suggested I record his voice so I could hear it after he was gone. So much pressure! I don't want to do that. I don't want to cherish every moment I 'have left' with him because I know that consciousness is eternal and there is no ending, there is no death. It's like everyone's expecting both of us to suddenly transform and have this beautiful relationship now, but that's not realistic and it sends me into a state of anxiety. Transitions are tough. Thank you for your responses.
 

Rasalila

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Today i asked what kind of shape he'll be in this time next year and got 2.5>8 My take on this is that his body will be in the earth and his spirit will be united with God, but I know that's a rather literal interpretation.
 

Rasalila

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Hi, I wanted to follow up on this thread, because I think that's important. My dad died on May 6, about a month ago. He was dying of heart failure, but decided to take his own life as he was afraid to spend his remaining months in a helpless, vegetative state. We did, indeed, heal many things before his death. The last thing he did was to send me an email telling me he loved me. He sent that email at 9:13 and his neighbors called me after hearing the shot and finding him, at 9:24, so I was the very last thought in his mind. Since his death he has communicated with me in such obvious ways that I have no doubt it's him. There has been a lot of sadness, and some regret, but not much. Overall, I feel clear about our lives together on this earth and also excited for this new relationship that we're building. He lovingly and meticulously took care of all of his affairs, leaving me with hardly any work to do. He also left me quite a bit of money. Yesterday I was contemplating giving my step daughter a large sum of money for her birthday, and was thinking about my dad because he was always so generous with gifts. The day he died, 5/6/2018 equals 22, I've thought about that alot. So yesterday I received a refund from the funeral home for $220, then I get onto my venmo account to send my daughter money and see that there's a credit of $220. I'm laughing and crying, thanking him so much for all of this abundance he's left for me, and right at that moment an email pops up on my phone with the subject line 'easy money'. There have been so many instances like that, and a feeling that I have of him being so happy and finally free from his lifelong depression, that I know he's in a better place and also still very connected and interested in me.
 

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