Hi all with all respect. I am new to the forum but no to the I Ching. I have been reading other members' insights, and finally I am in a stage in my life that I suppose I need some help from an outside point of view.I asked what should I do with S? He's my partner, though we are not legally married, we have a child together, live together and have been through a crisis phase since a few months now. We actually discovered that we don't get along so well as we thought, that communication is hard, but I feel we really care for each other, have tender feelings and of course our lovely son, who has a disability. I was wondering if it was correct for us to take some distance from the relationship, or even if he is not the right man for me. I don't want to make things harder for our kid, I really would like us to get along well.So I got 31.2.6 to 44. I thought I am supposed to work on the relationship and try to "woo" him again, but the lines aren't very promising and 44 seems to be warning him about me (he thinks I have such a strong personality and I'm set on my ways). What do you think?Thanks for reading.With loveL.

We actually discovered that we don't get along so well as we thought, that communication is hard, but I feel we really care for each other, have tender feelings and of course our lovely son, who has a disability. I was wondering if it was correct for us to take some distance from the relationship, or even if he is not the right man for me. I don't want to make things harder for our kid, I really would like us to get along well.So I got 31.2.6 to 44. I thought I am supposed to work on the relationship and try to "woo" him again, but the lines aren't very promising and 44 seems to be warning him about me (he thinks I have such a strong personality and I'm set on my ways). What do you think?Thanks for reading.With loveL.

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Is there some particular person or experience that suddenly made you have these thoughts that you need to take distance or that he is not the right man for you ?

If so I'd think that was the 44. Something that intrudes, is unsettling and is not an influence on which to base long term decisions.

To me it just looks like something external has influenced you to have these thoughts. It doesn't seem to me that they arose in you all by themselves. I wondered if someone else suggested to you he wasn't right for you, or you heard something or read something, I don't know, but overall I think this cast is saying whatever influence/mood/recent event has made you think he isn't right for you and so on isn't something you need to act on or even take to heart too much.

In 31 one is open to receive input/emotions ideas from others and the kind of influence from 44 is quite forceful, coming as an outside influence , stirring things up. 44 is an influence that can trigger change but it isn't one to 'marry' into by which I mean your idea he isn't right for you isn't an idea you should marry or take to your heart, I think it's a passing influence that's all.

Looking at the lines, well 31.2 shows you all ready for change as if you couldn't wait, as if you felt eager for change but actually you are being advised not to let this impulse run away with you. Settle down, wait, see how you feel in a few months maybe. Line 6 shows this idea he may not be the right man really doesn't run very deep. Again I wonder if a friend has been talking to you, made you think in a certain way, something like that ?

For now this seems to me quite a clear answer that it isn't time to be thinking about distancing from this man and it isn't time to be thinking he isn't right for you. For now at least I think the I Ching is asking you to settle down and not to allow yourself to be pulled this way and that with all these thoughts about him not being the right man.

Re-reading this

He's my partner, though we are not legally married, we have a child together, live together and have been through a crisis phase since a few months now. We actually discovered that we don't get along so well as we thought, that communication is hard, but I feel we really care for each other, have tender feelings and of course our lovely son, who has a disability.

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I also wonder if the 44 influence is that sense of crisis which is pushing you to think you just aren't right together ? If so again you really need not feel this sense of crisis means you need to separate. I don't think you do, at least not at the moment. It is very stressful to have a child with a disability so it is bound to be difficult for you and your partner but that doesn't mean you aren't right for each other.

That is my impression of the answer anyway. I think you need to give yourselves more time and not rush into any hasty decisions about separating. There may be other ways to resolve the difficulties you have so you won't need to separate.

Hi Lucuma,

in my answer there is bound to be a lot of overlap wiht Trojina's as I agree with most of the things in her reading!

Just some additional thoughts: To me 31 is always as in the ttranslation by Alfred Huang "Mutual Influence". So a reminder that the situation influences you, but you also influence the situation. So your actions and decisions here can make a difference. Does that say anything to you?

Line 2 I see as a warning to not make any rash decisions - the impetus you see now to do it may be, as already said, misplaced. Wait until a clearer mandate demands action....

Line 6 reinforces that, saying that any actions you take that are mostly superficial will be inefective.

So I would too read this as wait and see....

hope this helps

maui

Trojina said:

Is there some particular person or experience that suddenly made you have these thoughts that you need to take distance or that he is not the right man for you ?If so I'd think that was the 44. Something that intrudes, is unsettling and is not an influence on which to base long term decisions. To me it just looks like something external has influenced you to have these thoughts. It doesn't seem to me that they arose in you all by themselves. I wondered if someone else suggested to you he wasn't right for you, or you heard something or read something, I don't know, but overall I think this cast is saying whatever influence/mood/recent event has made you think he isn't right for you and so on isn't something you need to act on or even take to heart too much.In 31 one is open to receive input/emotions ideas from others and the kind of influence from 44 is quite forceful, coming as an outside influence , stirring things up. 44 is an influence that can trigger change but it isn't one to 'marry' into by which I mean your idea he isn't right for you isn't an idea you should marry or take to your heart, I think it's a passing influence that's all.Looking at the lines, well 31.2 shows you all ready for change as if you couldn't wait, as if you felt eager for change but actually you are being advised not to let this impulse run away with you. Settle down, wait, see how you feel in a few months maybe. Line 6 shows this idea he may not be the right man really doesn't run very deep. Again I wonder if a friend has been talking to you, made you think in a certain way, something like that ?For now this seems to me quite a clear answer that it isn't time to be thinking about distancing from this man and it isn't time to be thinking he isn't right for you. For now at least I think the I Ching is asking you to settle down and not to allow yourself to be pulled this way and that with all these thoughts about him not being the right man.I also wonder if the 44 influence is that sense of crisis which is pushing you to think you just aren't right together ? If so again you really need not feel this sense of crisis means you need to separate. I don't think you do, at least not at the moment. It is very stressful to have a child with a disability so it is bound to be difficult for you and your partner but that doesn't mean you aren't right for each other.That is my impression of the answer anyway. I think you need to give yourselves more time and not rush into any hasty decisions about separating. There may be other ways to resolve the difficulties you have so you won't need to separate.

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Hi Trojina, well this was indeed very accurate. Mind blowing accurate actually. It's just I have been through some personal stuff lately. My grandmother (very close bond with me) died recently, in just 48 hours, it was very surprising and sad. My partner was very supportive.I believed she had some kind of insightful hability for she could sort of "read" people and situations. Most of times she proved right. About a year ago one night she told me that my partner wasn't really into me. That his mind/heart was somewhere else. She said I was a clever girl, that I should notice.I didn't listen back then because sometimes she used to behave like a plain bitter old lady. And S. seemed so sweet, caring, so "there". But recently the rose colored glasses kinda broke, I discovered some minor things I don't like about him. Like he was looking up some woman online (I confronted him, he said it was no big deal, that she qas an acquaintance, and that nothing happened) or stuff like that. I guess I just idealized him. But I remember my grandma's words..Some other friends of mine seem to think that we just rushed into things, like in the sake of just not being lonely. I don't know if that's right or not. I mean I was very sad when I met him, and he made me want to live again. We had family together , hoping for a better future. Yes our child health condition is hard to bear but he's surrounded by love. I just wish we don't argue in front of him anymore.And yes, I am a very impulsive person regarding relationships.I appreciate that you think this "separating influence" may be just a temporary thing. He is very reserved (Capricorn sun with Cancer moon if that rings a bell) and sometimes it makes me think he has a whole life of his own that he doesn't share with me.Maybe that's only my fear of being deceived and abandoned. I thank you with all my heart for your Insight.Please take Care.L.

maui said:

Hi Lucuma,in my answer there is bound to be a lot of overlap wiht Trojina's as I agree with most of the things in her reading!Just some additional thoughts: To me 31 is always as in the ttranslation by Alfred Huang "Mutual Influence". So a reminder that the situation influences you, but you also influence the situation. So your actions and decisions here can make a difference. Does that say anything to you?Line 2 I see as a warning to not make any rash decisions - the impetus you see now to do it may be, as already said, misplaced. Wait until a clearer mandate demands action....Line 6 reinforces that, saying that any actions you take that are mostly superficial will be inefective. So I would too read this as wait and see....hope this helpsmaui

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Hello Maui, yes that says a lot. I think most of times we mums are like the soul of the family -always there for everyone. So yes I guess my attitudes really can modify the emotional environment of our home. Also my partner reserved and stubborn as he is, he most of the times mirrors my own behaviors. So if I feel caring and in a mood to listen (like, really and honestly) he would probably feel that too.I guess I have a strong personality and I'm used to have the upper hand in my love relationships. Now I encounter someone with his own ideas, projects and ways of living who won't tolerate being "dominated". (I use strong words to give you an idea) . Since I started therapy I feel better and more respectful of him, so I hope this is just a matter of time and some day we will be just fine. Thank you a lot , with all respect for commenting here. It's incredible useful. Witch love, L.

Well, just wanted to let you know that yesterday he said he needs to take a distance from the relationship, that we don't get along well and he's tired.I feel devastated partly because I was thinking about the other reading -not rushing into separating and try to find another solution. I asked: how does S. feel about me? And got 28.4.5 to 46.Could you please help me to interpret? I believe line 5 states blossoming without fruits, as a way of pointing to futility? In this case of his feelings.. While line 4 implies that if there has to be more exceeding (of arguments or such) there will be shame. 46 just points me to him going forward, and away from our relationship, probably feeling that he will grow more as a person.Any thoughts on this will be highly appreciated.

I think 28.4 says that you/he can manage to go on together although further strains on the relationship will be too much to bear. 28.5 is not about futility but of something that is complete in itself. That is something that may not produce further offspring but people don't get together only for offspring

My view is, looking at the 31.6 also, that talk of being tired and needing a break aren't at all the same thing as actually doing it. Such talk can simply be an extreme way of communicating one's unhappiness.

So I think this unrest could all amount to a lot of hot air. But what do I know, he is the one to listen to I guess as he knows what he feels best.

Also I think people can do a lot of manipulation by this kind of

'I think we should split'

'No I think we should split in order to grow as people'

'Okay I'm tired let's split'

...when actually they really mean and need to communicate something quite different. Maybe you both feel lonely together, maybe you need to be closer not further apart and listen to each other more. Maybe you are both throwing words around that don't mean much as a way to say 'look how bad you made me feel' ? I don't know but looking at the first reading and then this one I just don't see walking away as necessary.

But as you are the ones in the relationship you know best.

Hi Lucuma,

sorry to hear of this latest not-so-good news...

I agree with Trojina that in light of the first reading, there seems to be more to this story than just the visible facts...

Hex 28 to me seems like your partner is feeling overwhelmed right now, and close to breaking point - does this match your observations? Having to take care of a child with special needs may impact people in different ways...there may indeed by the need for deeper communication, trying to get both him and yourself to disclose more about your REAL feelings.

Hex 46 speaks of progress, but of step-by-step and hard-worked for progress. So I think, that right now it might best to proceed slowly, and accept his wish for distance, but at the same time keep the communication channels open. Communicate to him that you are aware that there are things that need to be adressed and talked out - but that it may happen in the right time for both of you.

I realize that is may be hard, being parents and having immediate, practical needs. Still, if your partner is in a place of immediate overload, trying to get to a soluteion right now will likely not work.

Hope this works out for you and your family! Stay strong

maui

Just wanted to leave an update here.
My husband and I are still together and strong. I think, 2 years on from this old reading, that we are getting really good at communicating and living with each other and also have good plans for the future. I suppose in this case we just needed more time to develop.
I became more aware of my faults and i am also learning a lot from him, which is refreshing.

I guess the reading 31.2.6 to 44 about what to do was referring to my own behavior, encouraging me to be more open to his influence and less forceful, like I did not have anything to learn from him (I clearly see now that's how I used to be. Glad to have changed that).

Thank you all!
Best