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Hexagran 46.4.5.6 - Relationship Troubles

AllenWright

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Hello everyone,I have been having relationship problems with my girlfriend. I feel that I'm going to lose her and I don't want to let that happen. I want to do everything possible to save our relationships because I truly love her. I asked the I-ching: How can I make my significant other fall in love with me again?I received 46.4.5.6>44... I'm desperate and I dont know how to interpret this reading. Please help.
 

equinox

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Hello and welcome to the forum.
You don't write what kind of problems you have, so I can only try a very general interpretation.
I don't think that your chances are bad, but you really have to be careful: don't try too hard, do not overrun her with your attempts. Obviously you are not fully aware of what's excactly going on, so beware of blind actionism resp. beware of doings things for the sake of doing things.
Did one of you have an affair?
 

AllenWright

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Hello and welcome to the forum.You don't write what kind of problems you have, so I can only try a very general interpretation.I don't think that your chances are bad, but you really have to be careful: don't try too hard, do not overrun her with your attempts. Obviously you are not fully aware of what's excactly going on, so beware of blind actionism resp. beware of doings things for the sake of doing things.Did one of you have an affair?
Thank you for your response. We moved in together almost a year ago. Things were great at the beginning, but then her attitude towards me began to change. One day, I looked at her phone and she was writing to her ex-boyfriend, but she deleted her responses and only kept his. I still haven't confronted her about it and she doesn't know I'm aware those mesages happened. She only wanted to be on her cellphone when we watched something together. We became a lot less intimate and when I tried having a conversation with her, she told me I made her feel "uncomfortable". All I wanted was to figure out what the issue was. I have never forced her to do anything. Recently, I was sent on a 2 week trip for work for the second time this year. On the first trip, we would write and talk to each other. On this trip, if I didn't initiate a conversation I doubt she would have ever initiated anything. It definitely feels like we are drifting apart, and it drives me crazy that I'm the only one who seems to be into the relationship. I love her very much and I would like it to be how it was in the beginning. I'm willing to put in the time to make her fall in love with me again, but I don't know if I should just move on and end it.
 

equinox

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Well, the relating hexagram 44 could indeed point to the interference of a third party but just as well it could refer to the circumstance that you try to control her, obviously you cannot resist the temptation of invading the privacy of your girlfriend in order to calm yourself -- or should one say to unsettle yourself.

I don't know what was first -- was she behaving distant towards you and that's why you started to get worried which lead to the fact, that you did such things? Or is ist that you tend to be jealous and controlling and that's why she started to distance herself from you? Or is it a mixture of both, a vicious circle? I can't know that, but you should contemplate on it. We often underestimate the effects we produce within the dynamics of a relationship.

I think the way to get back closer to her is to have very open talks about the wishes, fears and doubts of you two. I think you still have good chances, you don't have to give up so early. Don't forget, she already proved that you are important for her and she wants to be with you -- she moved in with you not too long ago.
46.4 and 46.5 are optimistic lines, if you manage to calm yourself, to act methodically and to give the matter some time.
I-Ching clearly warns you from being manipulative (44) and from drawing conclusions based on the little knowledge you have, for example based on these messages. (46.6)
Of course better don't tell her that you read them and please do it never again. It's bad for both of you as you can see: It leaves you worried which I think she can feel, but you can't even talk to her about it. That leads to a lot of confusion between you two.

Instead tell her straightly that you are afraid of losing her. Be open about your weaknesses -- you reveal them implicitly anyway. At the same time encourage her to be open about her own feelings in a way that doesn't make her feel that she has to fear sanctions or that she alone is the reason for your relationship troubles.
I wish you all the best.
 
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ernobe

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An important element in your reading is wood below in both hexagrams. In 46 it breaks apart the earth above, in 44 it injures the metal above. But the earth is yin, indicating that it has been an easy breaking up, perhaps too easy to be readily noticeable. It is not that clear that the wood will resist, and hence injure, the strength of metal above in 44. All this indicates that you two have been living a relatively private life, and need to get out more. It's good to have made the reading and posted here, but if she's not as interested as you are it doesn't look good for both of you.
 

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