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How to deal with a difficult relationship? Hexagram 21.1.2.4->4

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sitara

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I have a rather difficult relation with my older brother who is very opinionated, inflexible and harsh. At the same time he’s also quite spiritual. He prays and meditates and believes in God. We were estranged in the past but I decided to let him back in my life. Suddenly, about 1.5 years ago he became suddenly very rude and abusive during our conversation. I made the decision to break off our social relationship and to just pray for him. This year he called me on my birthday and we agreed to be in contact again.
I set the condition that he had to « play nice » and not be abusive anymore.
Once again, in another conversation, , he suddenly became extremely agitated and made very harsh statements and accusations. He went out of his way to be extremely hurtful and destructive. He then abruptly hung up.
Suddenly he called me on December 23 if this year, acting as though nothing had occurred. When I brought up the past incident, he refused to apologize or retract his hurtful statements. He then made more hurtful, insulting comments and resorted to twisted, specious logic to rationalize why I was the guilty party. I told him that I refuse to be in dysfunctional, abusive or codependent relationships.
He then hung up once again. I sent him a text applauding the courage he showed in contacting me, but also saying that we just can’t afford anymore dysfunction in our lives.
Well, he never wrote back. I’ve been wondering how to handle this situation.
I have no real family. This mean brother is the closest I get to having a loved one. (Except 1 other person)
I asked the YJ « What kind of person am I dealing with here? »
Hexagram 21.1.2.4–>4
“How should I deal with X?”
20.4.5.6–>16
For me Hexagram 21 is either punishment or biting through opposition to overcome obstacles which separate.
As for Hexagram 20, I always thought it meant that you were being observed, that you were an example to others, or that you need to seek and look around you for answer to your query.
I can’t make these interpretations apply here.
Anyone care to comment?
 
Last edited:

moss elk

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I can't make these interpretations apply here.
Give it a try. You haven't made an effort here.
You've drawn a dot about your brothers behaviour,
And another dot about the hexagrams, now try to connect them.

Have you settled on this username?
Please respond as soon as possible,
so we can delete the one you do not wish to keep.
 
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equinox

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21<4
Your brother tries to get through to you, but he has no idea how to approach you. Still he doesn't want to give up on you. He finds himself treated unfairly by you and at the same time doesn't feel well because of his own behaviour. I believe he would actually prefer to have peace with you.

20<16
Do not delude yourself into thinking that it is all his fault. The I-Ching requests you to do some self-reflection resp. to examine the effects you produce. I think your brother is like a mirror of you and vice versa.
 

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