We are approaching almost a month since we last said good bye...my bf and I are in a long distance relationship. It is temporary. I miss him often. I know he works all the time and sometimes doesn't text back right away and that makes me insecure at times. I asked the Yi is he still attracted/want me? I am not talking sexual...I meant does he still have that love connection and desire to make this work. I know men need more the physical relationship, and I know texting and emails bores him and instead prefers my presence.I have been reading a lot about this hex. I wonder if it reflects me more than him? If it answering my question I think it is saying he sees me as our connection very strong and we have an unbreakable bond? I think it is a positive. Thank you.

Oh I forgot the hexagram I got was: Hexagram 14 unchanging.

hellomoon said:

We are approaching almost a month since we last said good bye...my bf and I are in a long distance relationship. It is temporary. I miss him often. I know he works all the time and sometimes doesn't text back right away and that makes me insecure at times. I asked the Yi is he still attracted/want me? I am not talking sexual...I meant does he still have that love connection and desire to make this work. I know men need more the physical relationship, and I know texting and emails bores him and instead prefers my presence.I have been reading a lot about this hex. I wonder if it reflects me more than him? If it answering my question I think it is saying he sees me as our connection very strong and we have an unbreakable bond? I think it is a positive. Thank you.

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Here's a thread on 14uc if you haven't yet seen it https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/fri...eriences-with-Unchanging-Castings-Hexagram-14

I think it is a good confirmation that there is something valuable there yes.

On the other hand personally I would find being in your situation almost impossible. Realistically how can you possibly feel reassured/wanted/loved if he has been away a whole month and is slow to answer texts and emails etc. In general I don't think women 'work' like that, I don't think it would feel right to most women so I don't think you are being overly clinging/paranoid.

Long distance relationships don't have a great track record because to stay close you need to be close. I mean certainly there are people who manage LDRs perfectly well but I could never be one of them.

I think maybe you need to let him know you need reassurance and if he really cares for you he surely won't mind offering you that through regular calls and emails even if it bores him ?

However you said

It is temporary.

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...so I guess that means him being away from you is temporary ?

I think 14uc says 'you have it', in this case that would be you have him, you have what you want, you are one another's treasure so to speak.


But I say that still with caution since I always say if you want to find out about someone's feelings the only reliable source of that information is the person themselves.

Still it looks good, but you can't have the relationship via I Ching readings and trying to do so is a trap virtually everyone falls into at times.

To truly care for you he needs to show sensitivity to your needs for reassurance. In my opinion finding texting and email a bit boring isn't a very good excuse not to reassure you.

I Ching aside if this is always going to be long distance I think you may need to re think if that would work for you, you don't want to spend your life on edge wondering if he is still interested. But if he is just away for a month as a one off, most of the time he can be near you, then I think explaining you need a bit of reassurance may help. If he is so busy he may not have any idea of the torment you go through wondering if he is still there for you.

I think you began a thread asking if your feelings were too intense for him ? Well you cannot mould the strength of your feelings to suit him. I think your worries are perfectly natural.

Wow! Thanks for the long response. What I mean by temporary is that I am away for another few months; I plan to be back of course! I know about LDR's. I have friends who have been through this and once they get back together they don't like each other anymore because the spark is gone! And this I am afraid of! He did reassure me before I left he won't forget me and to 'hurry back'. But he does leave me hanging a few times lately: For example, we didn't Skype last week like he promised. I was so mad! I do know he works like crazy on this very important project, but sometimes I feel neglected. I do understand he has a strange way to love a woman..he is distance and a bit cold due to a terrible terrible mother! Which I am very sympathetic! I try to be understanding. I guess I want to be shown love in a 'normal'' way! Not like 'I'll give you a kiss as soon as I finish this project'... So yes torment is a perfect word! When he doesn't text at night because he fell asleep, I stay up wondering why! It drives me mad. Then he is perplexed why I am mad! Of course relationships are better when the two can actually meet in person every other day...LDR is HARD! Thank you! At least, the result is nice...it did make me smile. But I am still tormented. Who knows where we will be in another few months.

For example, we didn't Skype last week like he promised. I was so mad! I do know he works like crazy on this very important project, but sometimes I feel neglected. I do understand he has a strange way to love a woman..he is distance and a bit cold due to a terrible terrible mother!

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Urgggh forget the mother stuff, it's just an old excuse. In fact I think it was actually used as an example in the book 'He's just not that into you' which may be quite dated by now, you must have heard of it....but no you don't want that.

If he promised he'd Skype he should Skype. Why waste any more time on him, I wouldn't.

What I think may be at odds with 14uc I guess but then you see you do 'have' him, he is still there for you, if you like that kind of treatment. If you don't then quit and find some one who treats you right but whatever you do don't fall for the old story of 'I have a cold mother' geez so what, you aren't his mother and you matter so if he treats you like you don't matter tell him to go and find another sucker.

Don't waste time on people like this, any people, men, women...anyone. If they don't do as they promise and they don't care about how you feel move on.

Also the work excuse is bull shit too. How long does it take to text someone and if he can't take the time to do that or to email or ring what is the point ? He just placed you way down his list of priorities, that is what his behaviour shows.

14uc ? well maybe it's better than it sounds, maybe it suits you in other ways to have the distance, I don't know, you know best but constantly trying to find ways to excuse his neglect is a sure sign you could do better than him I think.

Oh he's working too hard, oh he's got mother issues...none of that is relevant to you. Caring about someone is simple and when it is made to look complicated it's a red flag IMO.

Have you met his mother BTW ?

Wow! Thanks for the long response. What I mean by temporary is that I am away for another few months; I plan to be back of course!

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oh, you are the one who went away, not him.

One part of the advice for 14 is recognizing the wealth you do have.

I think even when a person has to leave for good reason it can be perceived by the one being left behind as abandonment. Afterall both parties can decide they just aren't going to keep on leaving each for any reason.

Obviously I really can't know enough about your situation and 14uc us a reassuring answer but what you write of it just doesn't sound that great.

Hello there! I am a bit disturbed by some of your comments about moving on and I am wasting my time. We have been through so much crap together...poor guy would sit for hours in traffic just to see me for 2 hours when we first started dating. He supported me while I was finishing up graduate school, helped me with my CV, and helped me with my thesis presentation..I was cranky and frightened during my final months of grad school this past Fall semester and he stood by me. I know it doesn't sound good (our story) on this forum! But lately is has been a bit rocky because of our distance. I am just trying to hang on and I do feel at times I lose my temper when he doesn't respond on time! I am holding back lately because of our time zone difference and the fact that his career isn't going so well! I know he effs up at times...but so do I guess (him more though lately). I am not going to leave him because he didn't show up for our Skpe appointment! I mean if he does that every time then yes it would be a huge problem.If he ignored me a whole week then yes I would definitely be very angry and contemplate moving on. We have issues of course we do...I feel very guilty that I am the one who left. But I had to, I had good reason to! He understands that I suppose. I left in a terrible time in his life too, and it kills me.

Hey you know best, you know him I don't. Also the stuff re moving on was not connected with Yi's answers only my thoughts and what do I know.

Remember people here only know what you tell them and you tell us he doesn't bother keeping promises about Skype etc.

If you want proper reassurance its him you need to talk to not I Ching and not us.

Exactly! And I asked you guys, dear forum members, about this hexagram and what it meant. I did my research and thank you for the link (I read the thread) but I came here for I ching help...if I wanted relationship advice I'd seek help through my friends and family. Thank you.

hellomoon said:

And I asked you guys, dear forum members, about this hexagram and what it meant. I did my research and thank you for the link (I read the thread) but I came here for I ching help...if I wanted relationship advice I'd seek help through my friends and family. Thank you.

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There is not only one meaning to a hexagram, there are a lot of and you always have to put them in context with your situation and question.
And yes, maybe you should rather seek help through your friends and family with this special issue -- you have openened so many threads revolving around your relationship and nobody was able to help you getting a better feeling about it with their interpretations, you obviously remain insecure.
It looks like you are coming here to find reassurance again and again and now that somebody is giving you a more critical answer which you didn't want to hear, you react quite snippy.

I did hear the answer, it was loud and clear! I was just clarifying myself. I mean, if a stranger who knows nothing about you and your life tells you that you are wasting your time and to move, I just had to make it clear that I certainly don't feel like I am. I don't think I was snippy, I was defending my self I suppose. If it came across as snippy I apologize. I just took the advice about the Yi and went with that. Everything else that was stated about what she would've done if she were me is irrelevant. Thank you.