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How will our relationship evolve this year? 53.2.3.5>4. Please help!

tubinluv

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I've been struggling with my marriage for a while. I asked how will our relationship evolve this lunar year? 53.2.3.5>4
Line 2 sounds promising but I'm confused with lines 3 and 5 with contradicting events. I usually take all 3 lines into consideration and look at them as the events taking place in the order. So my interpretation would be a new situation is developed and it's in a secure position (Line 2), line 3 is saying that the relationship won't go anywhere and we may be parted, but line 5 seems to be promising that although it may take a while to sort things out but at the end, it will be worked out.

The relating hex 4 perhaps could mean that there will be trial and error to see if things can be worked out?

Can someone kindly help me with this interpretation. Thanks in advance for your help!!
 

Trojina

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Hey tubinluv I found you had a very similar answer for a similar question some time ago here https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/fri...rriage-Description-53-1-3-4-6-gt-17-Need-help!

So that was almost a year ago and you got 53 also there but with different lines. So that is interesting that Yi is still giving you the answer, Gradual Progress.

So lets look at this one

I've been struggling with my marriage for a while. I asked how will our relationship evolve this lunar year? 53.2.3.5>4

Well 53 is a slowly developing situation.


Line 2 sounds promising but I'm confused with lines 3 and 5 with contradicting events. I usually take all 3 lines into consideration and look at them as the events taking place in the order. So my interpretation would be a new situation is developed and it's in a secure position (Line 2), line 3 is saying that the relationship won't go anywhere and we may be parted, but line 5 seems to be promising that although it may take a while to sort things out but at the end, it will be worked out.

I think it would help not to see this answer as a prediction but more like a map with some choices. There aren't contradicting events in the lines, the lines can all work together to give a picture of how things are.

So it's a slowly developing situation where there does exist good feeling and ease at times (line 2) but there is the danger of neglect in line 3. In line 3 someone does not attend to their responsibilities at home, doesn't guard their home, it can signify an abandonment of something/someone one has a duty to care for. There's a danger of carelessness in this line. So is that you or your spouse ? I don't know but clearly what choice one makes at line 3 will impact on whether line 5 can happen.

Given that you have line 5 I would think the chances are good that after many difficulties you can have a fruitful marriage but meantime a watchful eye needs to be kept on how honest you are being with one another, how much time you dedicate to caring for one another in a nurturing way. For example I could see line 3 as something like a man who works all the time and doesn't care for his home and family enough so that family easily falls apart when 'robbers' come. Robbers, outlaws can be all kinds of things that rob one of peace and stability.

Line 5 of course shows fruition of a long term goal, here the marriage I guess.



The relating hex 4 perhaps could mean that there will be trial and error to see if things can be worked out?

Yes and it also may mean one or both of you is very much in the dark about the state of things and there seems to be no way of finding out other than through experience.

I don't think there are any promises here, it's not a prediction, things could go either way depending on line 3 I think.

Who would you say line 3 refers to ? Who is the one neglecting the relationship or home ?
 

Trojina

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Another thing to consider with multi moving lines is the change patterns

yang change pattern is what hexagram you get when you make all change lines yang, here 48
yin change pattern is what hexagram you get when you make all change lines yin, here 21

these can tell you the points the whole situation revolves around. 48 as the resource of the marriage and 21 perhaps highlighting you need to get to grips with what is going on in line 53.3. If there is dishonesty or neglect you may have to bring that to light rather than try to brush it under the carpet.

For the sake of getting to line in the marriage I think you have to recognise where 53.3 is happening.
 

tubinluv

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Hi Trojina, thank you for taking the time to analyze this consultation and for pointing out the old post, so I thought it would be helpful to go back and post the update there.

Your respond has shed lights to my confusion. Thank you! Line 3 here I think would refer to both of us. We're not talking to each other even though we're still living together. It's a strange and sad situation. I'm starting to see "robbers" as he goes out a lot more now so I'm not sure if there's another woman in his life or he's just going out with guy friends. I plan to have a talk with him but there's so much fear in me that has been hindering me from approaching him, fear of rejection, fear of losing the marriage, so I've been keeping silent hoping that things will work itself out.

After almost a year, the same line comes back with a slight twist. I then asked if I have the courage to talk to him about how I feel, how will our marriage evolve and got 4.2>23, hex 4 shows up again so perhaps I won't know until I try it out, but I'm not sure if there is any promising here, what do you think?
 

Trojina

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After almost a year, the same line comes back with a slight twist. I then asked if I have the courage to talk to him about how I feel, how will our marriage evolve and got 4.2>23, hex 4 shows up again so perhaps I won't know until I try it out, but I'm not sure if there is any promising here, what do you think?

I certainly think any wife who is worried about her marriage needs to talk to her husband about it, yes.

I am wondering why it takes so much courage, you aren't afraid of him are you ?

But the reading says there's no special expertise needed to go ahead and talk to him. The line says

'Embracing the ignoramus, good fortune.
Receiving the woman, good fortune.
The child governs the home.'

(Hilary's translation)

'Embracing the ignoramus' means you fully embrace and accept your state of not knowing. You approach this without artifice, like a child seeking to understand. 'Receiving the woman' perhaps here means making space to fully hear what he has to say. 'The child governs the home' may mean this is something still young and in it's potential. You are free to find out new things, to experiment with different ways to approach this relationship, to follow your impulses.


One other thing is you did get 53 line 5 which speaks of a pregnancy, then you got the line about the child...so I did wonder if there were any possibility of pregnancy for you. I have no idea of your age or if you have children already so that may be a silly question but it is possible 53.5 might be quite literal, that you may become pregnant.

You do sound very sad and it seems this has been troubling you for some time. I think perhaps another outlaw to resist in 53.3 is your own feelings of helplessness perhaps ?

Remember 53.3 does say it is beneficial to resist robbers and outlaws and so I think rather than being passive and hoping things will improve you do need to take steps to protect what you have with your husband. I think 4.2 shows you how to do this. Just speak simply about what is on your mind and leave him lots of space to be able to say what he thinks. Often men don't much like having to talk about their feelings and so on so it can be difficult but I think it's worth trying. Maybe he won't tell you straight away what he thinks but he may in his own time.

I also think you need to have more confidence in your capacity to draw your husband back to you. I think 4.2 shows that although you aren't sure what is going on with him by simply following your impulses, being open and experimental, trying new approaches to engaging with him, acting on thoughts that occur to you about how to speak to him, perhaps you can restore good communication.
 

tubinluv

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I'm actually very sad whenever I think about this, it's been bothering me and I feel like I'm stuck, I can't move forward.
I do have children in college. When you mentioned about pregnancy, it makes me frightened to think if there's another woman involved, because I'm done having children. Oh dear, I hope this is not the case!

How would you interpret relating hex 23 in this case? Get rid of my fear, anxiety, speculations?

I sincerely thank you for listening and helping me sorting out this mess.
 

Trojina

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I'm actually very sad whenever I think about this, it's been bothering me and I feel like I'm stuck, I can't move forward.
I do have children in college. When you mentioned about pregnancy, it makes me frightened to think if there's another woman involved, because I'm done having children. Oh dear, I hope this is not the case!

You asked the question about your marriage and line 5 showed the fruition of a long term goal which metaphorically can be like a wife not getting pregnant for a long time then finally getting pregnant. So that answer is for you and really is not literally about another woman getting pregnant. So no the line does not say that if he has another woman she will get pregnant. You asked about your marriage and line 5 shows that finally you get free of worries and doubts and sadness after a long time. All I meant was if you were young, of child bearing age this might be a literal pregnancy. It would be a very twisted and convoluted interpretation to say it was another woman's pregnancy especially given you don't even know if there is another woman.

Now because 53 metaphorically shows a courtship and marriage I have taken it that this refers to your actual marriage, especially as you had 53 about it before. But this is a mature relationship, you have been together a long time if you have adult children. So somehow telling you the marriage can evolve gradually might seem a bit redundant.

What do you want to happen ? What is your most cherished goal ? That is what 53.5 is about, it shows that gradually coming to fruition, your wishes, your goals coming true for you.

But at this stage I wonder if it's the case you aren't happy with him and want to end the marriage or you simply want to be close to him again ? From all you have said I think you just want to be close to him again.

If so that is why you need to guard against the outlaws in line 5. These could well be your own anxieties that rob you of courage and optimism or they might possibly be things outside the home that distract him from his home and wife. I don't know which it is.

But in any case I really don't think you should start worrying about another woman's pregnancy !


How would you interpret relating hex 23 in this case? Get rid of my fear, anxiety, speculations?

Looking in wiki Hilary suggests the 23 is the authority of the father that is stripped away since in 4.2 it is the child who governs. I'm not sure, but given what 4.2 is about I think it would involve letting go of ideas about how things 'should' be done.



I sincerely thank you for listening and helping me sorting out this mess
.

I cannot really help you sort it out , only give you my impressions of the reading. I do wonder if it might help rather than to call it a 'mess' it would help to call it something else ? Whatever is going on he is still with you, he hasn't left, so clearly he doesn't find it so unviable he cannot stay with you. If he does have another woman he doesn't find her so irresistible that he has left you and gone to her.

It sounds like a breakdown in communication, the kind of marriage where people live together but lead separate lives, and that can work quite well for many people to be honest. But you say it is a 'mess' as if there were many complications.

I looked at your other threads (not to be a creepy stalker but just to get an idea of the history) because you sound so distressed and I came across this one and wondered if it might help you to read it again now ? https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?23073-Is-my-marriage-basically-over-18-3-gt-4

There's the 4 again.

I also saw some threads where you asked if he had another woman and those 2 threads had no responses.
I'm trying to connect the dots up because at times if we answer people as if it were a brand new enquiry we can miss a lot of background and here the background seems important especially if the readings are similar or reflect each other.


One thing I am not clear about is why you are so afraid to speak to him about your worries ? Are you afraid it will drive him further away ?

Also I wonder if one way to get rid of the outlaws in 53.3 might be to list the positives in the relationship ? The first being he has not left you and still chooses to live with you. If it is such a mess why do you think he stays with you ?


Also does his behaviour suggest there's another woman ? Does he ever stay away the whole night for example ? If he goes out at 7 and comes back at 11 each evening I'd be inclined to think he was out with his friends, not that I am an expert but I would expect someone who is having an affair to have quite erratic periods of absence.

Actually I am going to take a look at those 2 threads of your that were never responded to about whether he is having an affair.
 

tubinluv

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Thank you for your clarification about pregnancy. I don't think he's that type of a person but during this period, I'm vulnerable and sensitive to negative thoughts. I know you were trying to help me with your insights and have no background of where I'm coming from so thank you for your lengthy explanation.

Yes, I am afraid to drive him away because in the past, we couldn't get to any resolution and that made us both very exhausting.

He does go out during the day while he's working, weeknights and weekends. He's a very private person so it'd be tough to know where's he going. I guess that's why I have these speculations.

Thank you for looking back at those 2 threads. I was actually hoping to get the feedback but since no one responded, I took that it was not meant to be.

Thank you again for your kind words and comfort.

A lotus for you,
 

ginnie

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Hi tubinlov,

You know, my own marriage is 53, a gradual development, and so I feel I understand your questions. Usually in 53 one person is more mature and the other person acts like a child. The other person is difficult, causing problems for the more mature one. In giving you 4.2>23, the I Ching calls the immature one an ignoramus. We are to take care of the ignoramus, embrace him and protect him, have patience with him, as only we can do. You know you have gotten quite good at watching over him. And isn't it true that over the years that you have lightened up a bit and learned to tolerate him? Well, I think all your hard work is going to pay off sooner or later, in the sense that you two will really join together and achieve all you have wished for in your marriage. You will have really accomplished something worth waiting for!
 

tubinluv

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Hi Ginnie,

Thank you for your kind words. You're right, I've grown up quite a bit over the past few years. I used to be the "spoiled" one, getting what I wanted most of the time, but as we get older, he's not the same sweet man like he used to be and that's why I started to shut down. Anyway, that's just one aspect of a bigger issue, but I don't blame him for that anymore. We all change but some change toward the same direction and some diverted.

I've had a lot of time to contemplate about our situation and have realized that life is too short, I need to focus on positive things and be grateful for those blessings. We will eventually part this world so I have a choice on either dwelling on the past or move forward and live my life to the fullest. I will try to be compassionate towards my husband and whatever the outcome is, there will be no regrets on my part.

Btw, I've posted my experience on the last reading that you had helped with the interpretation. In case, you hadn't seen it, it is here. https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/fri...rriage-Description-53-1-3-4-6-gt-17-Need-help!

I wonder what time frame you're experiencing with 53, 1-2 years?

Thanks again!
 

tubinluv

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update - I did find out that there was another woman, I asked him and still he did not say yes or no, I didn't want to press the issue knowing that we both know about this. Line 3 in 53 hit me hard and I'm not sure if l have the blessing of experiencing line 5. Like Trojina pointed out earlier, depending on how line 3 plays out, the situation can change to different direction.

Thank you both Trojina and Ginnie for your inputs.
 

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