Hi all, looking for a bit of help understanding Hexagram 5


I've posted about my relationship with this man before so I won't bore you all with the details.
Long story short; we rekindled our relationship about a year & a half ago when he moved back to Europe. We were living in different countries but decided to try the long distance thing with plans to relocate together. He suffers from depression & possibly something else (undiagnosed as far as I know) so lashes out at whoever is closest to him.

He seemed to had gotten control of it over the years he was living away, but slowly over the course of time we were seeing each other again he started to unravel again, with me being on the receiving end.
The last time we spoke was 7mths ago & that started as a simple phone conversation but he was in a down phase so he started spiralling out of control, saying really horrible stuff to me. I hung up & he blocked me instantly....& while I was very hurt & upset, I was relieved he had blocked me as I was released from being on the receiving end of his mood swings.

So I woke up this morning to an email from him...well not an email as such, a reply to a funny email I had sent to him years ago about a show we watched, which I thought was odd. Odder still he chatted as if nothing had happened & added that the show always reminded him of me & that he had wanted to say hello for a long time.

Now I know this is his sheepish way of testing the water to see if I'll still speak to him ....but what really, really irked me was there was no apology, no admittance of his horrible behaviour, nothing!
There is nothing more infuriating to me then people who do not take responsibility for their actions & words. I have time for those that admit to their wrong doings & try to rectify whatever it is they have done.....but those that try to coast on through - sorry nope!

On the other hand I know he can go to very dark places in his mind & I wouldn't want to ignore it if he was genuinely reaching out for help.
BUT I don't think I can communicate with him without an apology & an acknowledgement of his behaviour.

So I asked: How should I respond to his email? - Hex 5 Unchaging


I'm not sure if Hex 5 is telling me wait, do nothing, don't reply & I will get an apology.
Or is it saying I need to wait & be patient with him?

How should I respond to his email? - Hex 5 Unchaging
05 uc advises to cross over, so yes, do reply.
In a jolly and cheerful manner.

Your ex sounds like a classic textbook NPD case (or a classic evil a******e case, as they used to be known). Sorry to say but they never improve - they actually get worse as the years go by. 05 unchanging makes perfect sense - you'll never get anywhere via honesty and integrity with him. So if you really want him back, just play along.

He's not Narcissistic lol. He suffers from depression, & possible bi polar or something similar, but I'm not an expert so I couldn't say for sure about the later. He always regrets his outbursts when he's on a downward spiral & is remorseful.
I feel he does need to seek professional help, I've been trying to encourage him to take that step for years....but as they say; you can't help someone who won't help themselves.

I don't think I want him back...but what I do want is an apology, I think I deserve that at the very least.
I know if I reply to him he'll apologise eventually (perhaps that's Hex 5) but it has really annoyed me that after 7 months of no contact that not a single apology was contained in that email.

......I do realise I sound like a bit of a mad woman banging on about my apology haha!

I’m still very new at this but here’s something I read.

“A fisherman can cast the line, but still can only wait for the fish to bite. Your catch will come in its own good time; you cannot make it come sooner — neither by working nor by planning nor by wishing. Proceed cautiously, but resolutely, with whatever you are doing. The situation calls for consistency and perseverance. Waiting is an essential skill; patience is a powerful force. Time is an ally for those with inner strength — the strength that allows you to be uncompromisingly honest with yourself, while sticking to the path you have charted. If you persevere with a positive attitude, time weakens even the hardest obstacles. To rush anything, or force results, stimulates resistance and causes setbacks. At best, you achieve surface changes that may just as quickly be reversed. Steadfast waiting — holding to your integrity — leads to slow but permanent improvements. In the end, you accomplish something great. Be content to practice patience.“

It seems like you can respond to his email however if you’re waiting for an apology of some sort it may take some patience on your end. As you had mentioned that you can’t help him unless he wants help so perhaps dig deeper with your response to him and understand the reason (if there’s even a reason) behind his outbursts. This is very personal but I used to curse only at my husband when I get upset (no one else just him); I wasn’t aware how much it hurts him and slowly drove his emotions away from me. I knew I had a temper growing up which stems from my volatile upbringing which I recognized and started meditating to help calm my temper. I thought I didn’t do anything wrong towards my husband; we had debates and sometimes I say the F word or my remarks were condescending towards him. I finally woke up last year and realized I have to change my tone and language completely because it’s not just about the I but it’s now the We. After a year of therapy and of course a lot of meditation, I haven’t cursed and extremely mindful of my words and facial expressions. We get into little bickerings here and there but we communicate so much more now because there’s still things that he does that cause a bad reaction in me but instead of cursing I let him know how to say it in a way that will not cause an outburst and vice verse.

Sorry for going on a tangent but it will take lots of patience from you if your heart is set out to help your friend/ex but remember that you can only do so much if he doesn’t want to better himself.

Certainly write the email, have patience but if he becomes this dark negative cloud that’s over your head constantly; at some point you may have to learn to let go.

[QUOTE ]

......I do realise I sound like a bit of a mad woman banging on about my apology haha![/QUOTE]

the madness here is about wasting time over such an idiot

People like that have problems, stay away from them. Most of the times they’re just spoilt. Depression is no excuse, we’re al depressed these days but guess what? My grandmother couldn’t afford to be as she had so much to do and no-one at the time would have accepted such inconsistent behaviour. A slap in your face and that was it. Or in worse cases, a hospice.
I wouldn’t reply, if you do bear in mind that you’re opening a door for him to come back into your life!

Thank you all for your input!

I still haven't replied to the email, I'm still unsure if I will or not. And still unsure if Hex 5 is telling me to wait it out & not reply.

As olga mentioned above; I am concerned about opening that door again. I've alot going on in my life right now that needs my full focus & attention, & I can't have anything derail that.

On the other hand; as in Chaptershare's example, if he genuinely is in need of some help, & of course is willing to help himself, then I wouldn't want to withdraw that helping hand.....although this cannot come at the cost of my own well-being.

We don't live in the same country any more so that might make it easier....I also don't know if this has any relevance to the "furthers one to cross the great water" reference in Hex 5?

Newbie

Maybe just wait it out and see. There are some types out there that will never admit they’re wrong and if he’s that type, it’s certainly better to be without him. If he’s truly in need of your friendship or help, he will apologize for what’s he’s done and acknowledge his wrong doings.
In my situation, I recognized that I was wrong and did many things to become a better person but I didn’t forget to apologize to my husband.
You will Love yourself and enjoy life more by letting the negative people or things go.

In my experiences, Hexagram 5 unchanging usually means, "do nothing, just wait, and the problem will go away on its own." Your sympathy for him sounds misplaced, and the reading you got reinforces what's already clear from his actions, you owe him nothing and are better off without him in your life in any capacity. It's also not your role to rescue him.

Side note, I'm wondering if by waiting/holding off on replying, you'll get an outburst-style follow-up from him, thereby revealing his true colors... Either way, this reading is saying ignore him.

Hi Newbie, are you still around? What happened with this one?