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28.2.3.4.5 > 2 Frustrated desire

Retro158

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It has been several years since my last relationship ended and this isn't the state of affairs I've consciously wanted to be in. It has been difficult and painful to feel isolated for so long in this area of my personal life. I have felt a building frustration with this lack human companionship and intimacy and a deep longing for a sweetheart/girlfriend/partner. By far, this has been the focus of most of my questions to the I Ching.

Lately, I've gotten a number of what seem like positive hexagrams that have included 19 (Approach), 8 (Union), 5 (Calculated Waiting) and others that suggested to me favorable changed are in the works. However, I'm finding it increasingly difficult to be patient and the more time that passes, the harder it is to defer to 'fate' as quite a few hexagrams have included.

Recently, I asked about the situation with a particular woman I'm attracted to and have gotten to be friends with and got 8.1.4.5 > 51. This seemed quite positive, but I don't see any real spark from her and so asked again about romantic potential and got 30.1.3 > 35. Not clear, but the 30.3 seems to suggest romance isn't likely and I find myself feeling down and frustrated and angry about all this. This morning, I thought I needed to put all the I Ching volumes away and stop asking anything and just accept 'this is my life.'

Well, I didn't put the books away and when I got home from work I asked 'What would be valuable for me to consider about my desire for a relationship?'
I got 28.2.3.4.5 > 2. That certainly seems intense and apt for the pressure I'm feeling inside.

In the archives I found a comment by Bradford highlighting that this cast has all of the Yang lines changing with the result being all Yin, the archetypal Receptive. Again, it seems very apt that my frustration would be showing up with all elements of the 'ridgepole' transforming and it certainly does not seem to encourage trying to 'make something happen' in this situation.

So, I asked 'How can I be more receptive regarding my desire for a relationship?'
The result was 59.1.2 > 42.

I'm touched by how pertinent this seems to my situation and see the advise of 59 to be that of Wind Over Water, 'gentleness and persistence' with 42 seeming to be very positive.

The two casts today seem right on point, although I'm left with the 'how' question. How do I become more receptive with an extremely stressed ridgepole from 28? Some texts suggest that 59 calls for meditation or music or outward expressions of a gentle flow and I will take that to heart. Perhaps asking for others' input here is a small part of that as well.

Anyway, I get the message that an inner shift is likely needed in order for an outer change to occur in this situation and I'm not sure what my question is - but I welcome any observations you might have. I also appreciate being able to write this down and express here, albeit essentially anonymously.

Thanks very much.
 

iams girl

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Hi Retro,

You're doing all you can do and trying your best to be patient with the process - I feel for you!

Re the "how" question (hopefully tying in with 59.1.2>42), although you seem to have every reason to feel how you are feeling, one way to address "how" might be to borrow from cognitive behavioral therapy. It basically looks at things from a "situation->thoughts->emotion->behavior" perspective with changing "thoughts" as the key to changing feelings (and behavior). So, for example, thinking one is missing out could make one feel sad. Thinking one has a lot of free time to travel and explore instead could make one feel happy (or, at least, somewhere in between). This is an article from Psychology Today which identifies common thought tendencies and possible adjustments.

Sometimes there's just no magic wand, though, and your interpretation of "Wind Over Water, 'gentleness and persistence'" really seems as good as any to me.
 

Retro158

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Thanks very much, iams girl. I had been feeling quite self-conscious about posting all this and would have deleted it shortly after, if the system had let me, but it is an accurate expression of my experience right now. I appreciate your compassionate reply and the constructive suggestion and article. Perhaps there is a way I can reframe my situation and appreciate the space that I have now more. thanks, again
 
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Hi Retro. Bless you for posting this. I'm a woman who feels the same way. I have a ton of empathy for you and your situation.

Based on my experiences, the Yi won't be terribly helpful if you're trying to see when your situation will change. Instead, try asking "what can I do to allow a relationship into my life?"

As hard as it is, try to avoid asking multiple questions about the same situation. It'll just confuse you.

Check the hexagram essays on this website for #8; it's one of the harder hexagrams to interpret. I've seen 51 when you get a genuine shocker. It could be anything.

Also I've learned to be more direct with men I like and go after them directly. People like you and I are sensitive and take rejection pretty hard, but you've got to anticipate bumps on the road to success and keep trying. Don't let them hold you back.

Some helpful Yi hexagrams I've found:
45 - Gathering: can quite literally mean getting together with someone
54 - The Marrying Maiden: an unavailable person, someone who is already married
41 & 42 - Decrease & Increase: there is a changing line shared by both that says, "someone does indeed increase him." I call this line the crush line, because it always means that someone is attracted to you!

Keep looking and keep living; that's all folks like is can do. I wish you all the best. May we both find the love we seek.
 

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