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End of a love affair that never really started 52.2. to 18. And then 50.1.3.4.5 to 61

Tanith40

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Hi,The first reading couldn't be any clearer really. My heart is not glad and I cannot rescue the one I've been "following" for several years. Neither can I do anything other than feel the emotional pain of love and longing which, right now, cannot be fulfilled or end in union. Somehow I have to repair the damage , in myself because this does not feel good at all right now.I had recently reconnected online with someone I had a very intense affair with about 3 years ago. It ended due to us living far apart and life circumstances and obstacles to seeing each other that he felt were insurmountable. I've recently come out of a different relationship that didn't work out due to a lack of passion and love connection. Myself and the first guy I had the intense love affair with prior, have remained in touch throughout the last few years, maintaining a connection. Recently that rekindled very shockingly and intensely but when it came down to working out when we could see each other-he drew a blank, citing his still very complex life situation. I called his bluff on this and ..predictably(based on my fears/intuition) it has all come tumbling down and is no longer going forwards.After drawing 52>18, I asked "what now and how do I move through this/is there anything else i can do and got :50.1.3.4.5 to 61.I just don't know what this second one means and would appreciate some advice. I'm very much dealing with feelings of grief right now in terms of caring for someone I can't be with. Lines 3 and 4 ring true. I wasn't patient and I've broken the spell and alienated him. But line one and five are so positive. Combined with 61 does it mean that as painful as it is, it is the truth and I'm correctly aligned with the truth of the situation? How does this all fit together? What's my route through this? I certainly don't feel like I've got hold of jade handles right now!!!Any perspectives much appreciated. Thanks.
 

Tanith40

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Can anyone give some input/perspective on 50 changing into 61 please?
 
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diamanda

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Hi Tanith,

what now and how do I move through this/is there anything else i can do
50.1.3.4.5 > 61

50.1 someone gets a mistress
50.3 but does not have sex with her
50.4 and he messes up the whole thing
50.5 so the mistress goes away
61 protect your heart, hide your feelings

In a nutshell it's exactly what you wrote in the title, "End of a love affair that never really started".

It's not you who destroyed this. He obviously had no intention of getting together with you, because if he did have such an intention, nothing would stop him. It sounds like he just wanted a safe-distance virtual distraction. He ended it the first time, he ended it the second time, and if you let him he'll do the same again. I believe the advice is that now that he has messed up again, go away (50.5) and hide your feelings (61). Maybe this means that if you try to discuss anything with him, or keep contact, he'll just crush you again, so best to just leave it.
 

Tanith40

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Hi Tanith,what now and how do I move through this/is there anything else i can do50.1.3.4.5 > 6150.1 someone gets a mistress50.3 but does not have sex with her50.4 and he messes up the whole thing50.5 so the mistress goes away61 protect your heart, hide your feelingsIn a nutshell it's exactly what you wrote in the title, "End of a love affair that never really started".It's not you who destroyed this. He obviously had no intention of getting together with you, because if he did have such an intention, nothing would stop him. It sounds like he just wanted a safe-distance virtual distraction. He ended it the first time, he ended it the second time, and if you let him he'll do the same again. I believe the advice is that now that he has messed up again, go away (50.5) and hide your feelings (61). Maybe this means that if you try to discuss anything with him, or keep contact, he'll just crush you again, so best to just leave it.
THANK YOU Diamanda. You've absolutely nailed my true feelings on the matter. I've been working with R.L Wing which gives more of an optimistic perspective but in terms of what I feel to be the truth, this 50>61 is it. Whatever Wing says...You are bang on reflecting my current experience back at me. I am grateful for your intuitive and direct interpretation. You even used the term "virtual distraction" which are the exact words I used when I confronted him before it all fell down. Thank you. It's moved me from feeling grief and disempowerment to a sense of discernment about all of this. Still sad though, but must feel it and move through it. This chap was incredibly convincing and pressed all of my buttons in an overwhelming way.(used to be lots of 44s and 29s when we were involved.)I don't think he would relate to this portrait of events at all, at least not publically. His version is that I pushed beyond where I had the "right" to.....which is why I was turning 50>61 against myself as having done something wrong. Thanks for turning it around. It was not me that destroyed this.
 
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diamanda

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You're welcome. I totally understand you feel sad, because you were obviously honest towards him. The words that you use, that he was 'incredibly convincing', are chilling. I've read similar stories over and over again, and also lived this type of thing myself. The facts show that some people thrive on manipulating and dominating others.

Beyond where you had the 'right'? Er... If things hot up between two people, the natural result is that they get together. What did he expect, that you would forever hang on to distant flirting? Of course he would never own up - a con artist never does. You can try to extract the truth out of him till eternity, and you still won't. I'm wishing you to find someone decent soon. That will sort out the grief!
 

Tanith40

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After some reflection and ignoring the cardinal rule of letting relationship advice bed in for a while. I am impatient and keen to move through this and out the other side...I was wondering if he realises what has happened and what he's done/doing. Obvs I also am aware of my complicity in the recent/current situation.What, if anything, would actually get through to him?And got:49.4.6>37.Some kind of radical change, a revolution, within myself?within the situation?? A transformation. I cannot negotiate with the established order..his boundaries/limits/him in general. Transforming into a leopard. No advance but perseverance. I shouldn't settle for less? Is he going to realise what's happened and return?Then family. My own inner family. My sense of self security. Playing an established role, which may or may not suit me personally. Perspective/insight on this would be welcomed very much. Thanks.
 

Tanith40

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Posted that before reading your response above! Thanks!! The voice of sanity. Phew!! That's why you got it so accurately, cos you'd been through it yourself. Solidarity! Part of me feels like "he needs telling," but actually I need all my energy for myself right now. Still, I'd feel more satisfied if he knew I had his number rather than this bullshit end to a story where I'm honest and sad and sincere and bereft and he's in a a dream world where he thinks I overstepped a mark. Thank you and take care -it's a jungle out there!!!
 
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diamanda

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What, if anything, would actually get through to him?
49.4.6 > 37

49.4 if you took over dominion of the situation, if you became dominant
49.6 then he would change superficially
49 means two women in conflict, 37 means the woman is in control.

If you can pull this act above, then go for it. You can still 'win'.

he's in a a dream world where he thinks I overstepped a mark
I don't believe this. He knows very well what he has done. He's gaslighting you, and I believe you know this already in your heart.
 

Tanith40

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Thanks Diamanda for more hard hitting discernment. Damn rare in this world!And IF I chose this approach, would would I be winning?61.1.2.3> 53.Hmmmmmm. Now I better reflect hard and reflect some more. What do you think?What the hell?
 

Tanith40

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Maybe it's exactly what I want to win, rather than what could actually be won. Risky. High stakes...
 
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diamanda

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It depends on what you want to achieve. I'm afraid you can't achieve true love with this guy, nor a decent proper relationship. But if you are able to play tactics, I believe you could win something.

IF I chose this approach, would would I be winning? 61.1.2.3 > 53
61.1 there is real danger there, you're not imagining it
61.2 lovey-dovey messages, so there would be still some of that
61.3 acquiring an enemy and an everlasting war-game
53 the situation will continue to develop on the path described above

So it will be a mix of danger, lovely messages, and constant war. In 61 here it's the 3 bottom lines changing. The 3 bottom lines show "the one below" - that's you at the moment, that shows you acting. So you definitely have some moves to do and you could turn the situation to something different than it is right now (if you become dominant). Only you know if he is worth so much effort.
 

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