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what to do in order to have an active sexual life? 14.3.6

marybluesky

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Hello Cherry B!

Hex 14 talks about Great wealth, so you have the potential to have a good sex life.

Line 3 - "A duke makes an offering to the emperor. The inferior man is unable to do this";" The superior man places his property and talents at the service of the ruler and the public. The inferior man employs them for his own gain."
You need to sacrifice something to improve your sex life. Maybe you should focus more on your partner's desires. OR, there is something that lowers the quality of your sex life for the sake of other things (partner? stress? hard work?...).

Line 6: "One is blessed by heaven. Good fortune. Benefit in everything." You can have a satisfying sex life if you are willing to work on it and take the proper steps.

Hex 54- Marrying Maiden- shows that you aren't still in the appropriate place to take action: "Here the desire of pleasure employs movement to attain union. This action will be evil because the lines are in inappropriate places."
You should find what ruins your ex life first to decide what do do with it.

Good luck!
* The italic parts are cited from http://www.jamesdekorne.com.
 

CheersC

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Hello Cherry B!Hex 14 talks about Great wealth, so you have the potential to have a good sex life.Line 3 - "A duke makes an offering to the emperor. The inferior man is unable to do this";" The superior man places his property and talents at the service of the ruler and the public. The inferior man employs them for his own gain."You need to sacrifice something to improve your sex life. Maybe you should focus more on your partner's desires. OR, there is something that lowers the quality of your sex life for the sake of other things (partner? stress? hard work?...).Line 6: "One is blessed by heaven. Good fortune. Benefit in everything." You can have a satisfying sex life if you are willing to work on it and take the proper steps.Hex 54- Marrying Maiden- shows that you aren't still in the appropriate place to take action: "Here the desire of pleasure employs movement to attain union. This action will be evil because the lines are in inappropriate places."You should find what ruins your ex life first to decide what do do with it.Good luck!* The italic parts are cited from http://www.jamesdekorne.com.
Hello MaryBlueSky, thank you for the answer!It's spot on, yes I'm limited , I'm living with so many restraints that average guys at my age don't have... (that means, not having a place, not meeting anyone new, often being at home because my so called friends disappeared and don't facilitate at all my needs to meet people and have fun... let's also say i have not enough money). Another thing that freaks me out is that at my age they all have a lot of experience while I still have a very low esteem on my body and can't improve it quickly, for example. Actually I dont know which of these problems the I ching is pointing at, but im pretty much into a vicious circle and cant get out of it xD
 

CheersC

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u_u they have a less daydreaming perspective on relationships/love/sex/affairs.
 
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Lavalamp

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what to do in order to have an active sexual life?
14 Having What is Great.
14.3 You need to understand sex as a precious offering you making, a valuable thing you are giving. Love is that.
14.6 It needs to be with a person that is intended for you with heaven's approval...

Ok that is a pretty traditional moral reading, you are of marriageable age? The Yi is after all pretty Confucianist, which places special emphasis on family.

- LL



.
 

equinox

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Ok that is a pretty traditional moral reading, you are of marriageable age? The Yi is after all pretty Confucianist, which places special emphasis on family..

The I-ching has never given me a moral answer and it has never pushed me in the direction of the "classic family values" either.
It is true that in its metaphors the I-Ching often represents family or let's say patriarchal values -- but the language of the texts given to us is the language of the humans who have written it down while they were influenced by the values of their time. The I-ching itself, which is much more than just a text in my opinion, stands for me as an advisor above all systems that humans have invented to structure society.
 
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equinox

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... I mean if I were to take the I-Ching as a representative of Confucian values then I would not even be able to use it, since I would then have to interpret it as a misogynistic oracle.
 

marybluesky

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CherryB I think Line 3 hints where you should start.
You need to make your offerings first. Sacrificing your "property" can be going out of your home- comfort zone-, and "placing your talents at the service of public" points to using your talents in social activities such as charity & volunteering where no/little money is involved but you can meet like-minded people.
You will be "blessed by heaven" then. Hex 14 shows your high potential for growth if you are really willing to end the current unsatisfying situation (Hex 54).
 

Trojina

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how can i revive it?14.3.6 to 54. So...


So put more effort in ?

Give more.

14 is wealth, having. 14.3 asks you if you have enough to share, to give away. It says only a person of means can do this. You decide. Having wealth is of no use without gratitude and sharing.


You wrote one single line

what to do in order to have an active sexual life? 14.3.6
how can i revive it?14.3.6 to 54. So..
.


You have given us nothing. Other people have come along and explained the lines, even written the lines out for you ??

You can read as well as they can, you could have offered your thoughts on the cast surely.

That makes me wonder how much you are 'putting out' when you are with other people. Are you waiting for people to make the moves for you ?


Do you somehow imagine it's their job to do things for you, sounds a bit that way

not meeting anyone new, often being at home because my so called friends disappeared and don't facilitate at all my needs to meet people and have fun... let's also say i have not enough money). Another thing that freaks me out is that at my age they all have a lot of experience while I still have a very low esteem on my body and can't improve it quickly, for example. Actually I dont know which of these problems the I ching is pointing at, but im pretty much into a vicious circle and cant get out of it xD


So you say your friends don't facilitate your needs but no one has to facilitate your needs, especially your sexual ones !


I think the cast shows you have all you need at your disposal but are perhaps afraid to give, afraid to offer or afraid to take initiative. The 54 would describe that sense of inferiority, of hanging back perhaps. So it's like feeling second, feeling like the marrying maiden whilst having all this wealth at your disposal. Strange position.


It kind of reminds me of what is happening in this thread. You have as much information to read and use as anyone else here but didn't say anything at all and waited for other people to do the work. So you sort of put yourself in a secondary position purely as a 'receiver' even though you have the wealth of the entire site at your disposal.


Maybe you could try to change the 54 ness of your perspective in general if you think that applies.


Perhaps it doesn't apply but I don't understand people who post like this


what to do in order to have an active sexual life? 14.3.6
how can i revive it?14.3.6 to 54. So...


It's not enough - you aren't just here to receive readings you need to give your idea of the reading too.


Sex is an exchange and this here is an exchange. My perception of this exchange is that it isn't one at all. It's just you waiting to receive and unfortunately people are willing to come and write out the lines for you and as long as that happens I guess people will keep on posting things like

'I got 27 what does it mean. Thanks'


:confused:

u_u they have a less daydreaming perspective on relationships/love/sex/affairs.



what does that mean ?



Reading back I see there are some other suggestions to give more but I think you definitely need to give more here in terms of engaging with your own reading. You need to actually write out what you think your reading means and that is in 'How to post a reading' the link is in my signature. It is also suggested in the forum rules. It's not a rule, can't be a rule as there are times a person cannot say what they think their reading means but you can I think ?
 
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Trojina

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This is sensitive - and forgive me but - all this time I thought you were female by the way you were talking here

https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/fri...for-my-own-sake-and-to-have-a-good-friendship

People were responding and have been responding as if you were female, note the jokes about 'having his babies' - you didn't correct that and elsewhere I'm sure you have led us to understand you are female, your name is female so perhaps it was just an assumption, not sure


In the above thread you wrote

First day he treats you well, then he doesn't give a damn about your safety (like when you have to reach the car at night)



And below I see you are male -

Hello MaryBlueSky, thank you for the answer!It's spot on, yes I'm limited , I'm living with so many restraints that average guys at my age don't have..


If you are a guy you wouldn't need another guy to see you to your car safely would you ?



It does have a bearing on the question because the advice one might give a male on how to find sex are quite different to how one might advise a female. Or maybe you are gay ? I don't know I am a bit confused.

There's been many threads on your love life where it appeared you were a heterosexual female, like this one

https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/fri...ll-happen-between-this-guy-and-I-64-2-4-gt-23



Now I don't care what you are, it doesn't matter but if all along you have been posting threads from a heterosexual female's POV it's now rather odd to find that you are male.


Another sex thread - so is it just my mistaken assumption you are a heterosexual female here

https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?25668-__-sexual-situation-12-(unchanging)
 
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Trojina

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There are many instances where you talk about 'boys' you like being interested in other girls and so it sounds like you are a girl but you aren't, apparently you are a gay guy - must be because there a dozen or so threads about guys you are interested in - but several times you mention safety and so on in getting to your car which makes you sound like a woman.


The reason I'm asking is if people are spending time answering you it's better to be clear not that you have to say/declare your sexual orientation except if there is discrepancies then that is confusing
 
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Trojina

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I'm living with so many restraints that average guys at my age don't have...



….unless by 'average guys' you meant 'average people 'but that sounds unlikely in that sentence, sounds to me like 'guys' meant 'men' there but I'm not American so....
 

marybluesky

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TrojinaI have no idea about Cherry B's identity. Maybe several people use this accout -some friends or relatives for example.I think the reading is the first and most important thing we consider when we answer the OP. Of course one can use factors such as personal views, social norms, OP's biography to answer- & that's usually good, but beyond the expectations of an I Ching forum. I mean the additional information is useful but not necessary, unless we lack the basic data.I say this because you said a reading about one's sex life is to be interpreted differently depending on the querent's gender. Can you explain more? Sounds like the role of social experience becomes more imporant than the I Ching answer.
 

Trojina

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TrojinaI have no idea about Cherry B's identity. Maybe several people use this accout -some friends or relatives for example.

:confused: That's not feasible. We can't really have one user name for different people. You get to know people across their various threads and it would break the whole foundation of trust to have an entire family posting under one user name, there would be no consistency. Also it would be ridiculous, wouldn't work. It doesn't cost anything for people to get their own user name and it also sounds highly implausible.



Perhaps you haven't ever looked at her previous posts as you are a newbie so haven't responded to Cherry much before. If you had I think you might want an idea of whether the person you had been presented with was the person here.


People put time and energy into answering individuals they get to know to some degree so they shouldn't ever need to contend with numerous identities in any form whether deliberate or not.


I think the reading is the first and most important thing we consider when we answer the OP. Of course one can use factors such as personal views, social norms, OP's biography to answer- & that's usually good, but beyond the expectations of an I Ching forum.

The reason this forum works well is because it's not anonymous and we aren't robots just replying automatically but people. Interpreting isn't 'do it by numbers one size fits all so of course a person's situation, context of reading plays a part in interpretation.

The reading is the most important thing although actually there is no point whatsoever in posting a reading here simply giving the question and nothing more. This forum is called 'Shared Readings' that means sharing your reading not just posting the question and waiting for answers. That's not the point of it at all

If you like I can quote something from the rules and there is also a sticky here asking people to give their view of a reading. This isn't something I am just making up off the top of my head.

Sometimes in some situations a person cannot share their reading but I think CherryB could have actually said more as she is a regular poster and has had several threads on this topic before.


I mean the additional information is useful but not necessary, unless we lack the basic data

A certain amount of information is actually a part of the necessary data and so is the person's view of their own cast. You have read 'How to post a reading' ?

I will post the link again to 'How to post a reading' and also the suggestion in the rules.


I don't think there's going to come a day where there won't be people posting things like

'Hi I asked will he come back I got 62. what does it mean thanks'


...but when a person is regularly posting here especially on the same topic then some degree of engagement with their own answer is desirable. If they don't there's no point as they are sharing a reading they are just waiting to get their reading figured out for them.


I say this because you said a reading about one's sex life is to be interpreted differently depending on the querent's gender. Can you explain more? Sounds like the role of social experience becomes more imporant than the I Ching answer.


In this case I'd like to know who I am dealing with only because she has been posting as a female all along and now appears to indicate she is a guy ? :confused: As you know people put time and energy into responding so it's difficult when it's not the same person you answered before. Now I don't know what the situation is here it does depend on how one interprets this

I'm living with so many restraints that average guys at my age don't have...


And obviously yes the ways men and women seek sex has to differ to some degree. For one thing - need I really spell it out, a woman can place herself in danger, has to be more careful, when seeking a sex partner because there are a lot of weirdos out there. Also obviously the whole manner of going about is different since generally women prefer to be sought rather than having to initiate.




When I answer I don't answer as if the person lives in a social vacuum no of course not. I think it's pretty fake to even pretend to have that kind of 'objectivity'. We feel some kind of responsibility when we answer people here and we also notice their story. If a 16 year old girl is asking how to improve her sex life it is actually going to be a bit different than if it were a 40 year old man. He might put an ad in somewhere which could have different consequences if she did it. So they both might have an answer saying to really put in more, get out there more but the suggestions one might make to each would be different. Unless one is trying to be an 'objective' robot.


Anyway that is off topic really. There's 2 points here


1. It is desirable to say something of background and share ones thoughts on a reading and it really is okay for people to ask for that.

2. Seeking clarification over why previous threads appeared to be from a female and now CherryB says she's a guy - I think. I don't know.



Will post links again as it gets tiresome to be challenged just because some background and the person's take on the reading is asked for. It is not unreasonable and it is necessary.
 
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Trojina

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Here is what is suggested, it's a sticky, about how to post a reading here


https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/fri...59-How-to-get-the-most-from-sharing-a-reading

...it's already in my signature anyway



and from the forum rules (though it's not a 'rule' to give your own take on the cast

https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?8285-How-the-I-Ching-Community-works

Taken from there it is very clearly stated

A suggestion

When you post a reading here in Shared Readings, please include your own response to it, too. Then you're really sharing your reading - which is your conversation with Yi (the I Ching) - and not just the numbers.

No need to write a book (though you can if you like, of course ): just jot a few things down. For instance... does anything in the answer sound familiar? Feel right - or wrong? If a friend had given you this answer, what would you say to them?

Also, you don't need to be some kind of expert for this. I think it's even an advantage, sometimes, not to be: you don't have a freight of existing ideas to carry round, so you're free to see your reading with clear eyes. Then other members can benefit from your unique perspective, and you benefit from centring yourself in your own sense of the reading - engaging with it as yours, not just some lines on a page - before you open it up to others' thoughts.
 

CheersC

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what to do in order to have an active sexual life? 14 Having What is Great. 14.3 You need to understand sex as a precious offering you making, a valuable thing you are giving. Love is that.14.6 It needs to be with a person that is intended for you with heaven's approval...Ok that is a pretty traditional moral reading, you are of marriageable age? The Yi is after all pretty Confucianist, which places special emphasis on family.- LL.
well, it makes sense... and no, im not thinking about marriage at all... :) i'm willing to understand the ''heaven's approval'', perhaps a sense of inner connection from the beginning??
 

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The I-ching has never given me a moral answer and it has never pushed me in the direction of the "classic family values" either. It is true that in its metaphors the I-Ching often represents family or let's say patriarchal values -- but the language of the texts given to us is the language of the humans who have written it down while they were influenced by the values of their time. The I-ching itself, which is much more than just a text in my opinion, stands for me as an advisor above all systems that humans have invented to structure society.
Yes, the usage of this language is very ancient, so it might not mean anything traditionalistic. But if it helps, my own values had been too much traditionalistic for a long time, probably i chng says that i might change it, and change my vision on ''roles'' . BUt taking baby steps maybe
 
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CheersC

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There's further weird discrepancies ….In one thread you say you are 25 years old but in another https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/fri...nswer-with-sarcasm-or-should-I-just-let-it-goyou say your parents forced you to write to a teacher Maybe you just graduated late.....and your parents tell you what to do at 25 years old.There are however many instances where you talk about 'boys' you like being interested in other girls and so it sounds like you are a girl but you aren't, apparently you are a gay guy - must be because there a dozen or so threads about guys you are interested in - but several times you mention safety and so on in getting to your car which makes you sound like a woman.The reason I'm asking is if people are spending time answering you it's better to be clear not that you have to say/declare your sexual orientation except if there is discrepancies then that is confusing
yes im a girl, im etero, 25, and dont smoke. lol does it really matter all of this in a reading? I wouldnt love it to be influenced by an opinion of me. (by the way, i never did things under other people approvals...someone called me stubborn just cuz i argued about their pressure on me)
 

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You have given us nothing. Other people have come along and explained the lines, even written the lines out for you ??You can read as well as they can, you could have offered your thoughts on the cast surely.That makes me wonder how much you are 'putting out' when you are with other people. Are you waiting for people to make the moves for you ?Do you somehow imagine it's their job to do things for you, sounds a bit that wayTrojinaI get you! I like what you do. You hold people to their highest!sylvia1ching
guys/boys don't do any effort nowadays, probably they dont even like anyone. probably, they just flirt around with who is not shy at all.
 
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CheersC

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TrojinaI have no idea about Cherry B's identity. Maybe several people use this accout -some friends or relatives for example.I think the reading is the first and most important thing we consider when we answer the OP. Of course one can use factors such as personal views, social norms, OP's biography to answer- & that's usually good, but beyond the expectations of an I Ching forum. I mean the additional information is useful but not necessary, unless we lack the basic data.I say this because you said a reading about one's sex life is to be interpreted differently depending on the querent's gender. Can you explain more? Sounds like the role of social experience becomes more imporant than the I Ching answer.
dont worry, i prefer answers without influence of who i am and what's my experience behind...but well, if it changes anything, im a girl and i like boys :)
 

Trojina

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You just posted my words under Sylvia's name.

by the way, i am a girl and i never did things under other people approvals... I actually dont get why you posted another post under this topic, which is very different topic. If the question was who I am, you could ask and i might say it...


You have had numerous threads now on the same topic of how you can get sex and when you can get it. Seems an odd question to ask so many times especially as it appears devoid of any connection with the concept of a relationship. There seems this urgency like the thread on your sex life by the end of the year - I mean there's no race on is there ?

I'm living with so many restraints that average guys at my age don't have...

Sorry that confused me as even thinking in terms of 'guys' as 'people' one wouldn't normally use 'guys' in that context in a sentence 'average guys my age' if you are a girl.
 

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You just posted my words under Sylvia's name.You have had numerous threads now on the same topic of how you can get sex and when you can get it. Seems an odd question to ask so many times especially as it appears devoid of any connection with the concept of a relationship. There seems this urgency like the thread on your sex life by the end of the year - I mean there's no race on is there ? Sorry that confused me as even thinking in terms of 'guys' as 'people' one wouldn't normally use 'guys' in that context in a sentence 'average guys my age' if you are a girl.
Ah, so for the word ''guys'' English mean people, while Americans mean boys/people with the same word?
 

Trojina

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Ah, so for the word ''guys'' English mean people, while Americans mean boys/people with the same word?


If you were addressing a couple of people you might say 'hey guys what shall we do' regardless of their gender ( I personally wouldn't say that it sounds pretentious in UK but younger people might) but a girl would never say

I'm living with so many restraints that average guys at my age don't have...


...because a 'guy' is a men so a woman doesn't refer to herself as a 'guy'. I mean if someone said
'I met this guy' they would mean 'I met this man' and that is the same in the US surely.


In the US if you go to meet a female you don't say 'I am going to meet a guy' just because guys in the plural mean 'people'.



Never heard or seen that on any American media/person I have ever come across. If a girl is going to meet her girl friend she wouldn't say 'I am going to meet a guy'. If she said 'I am going to meet a guy' she would mean a man so to me your sentence sounds really odd if you are female.



I think UK/US have pretty much exactly the same use of the word 'guy' and 'guys'.
 

Trojina

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So reading this would an average American think the writer was a man or a woman ?


I'm living with so many restraints that average guys at my age don't have...

I'd like to know because to my eyes and ears that is clearly indicating the writer is male. Do female Americans refer to themselves as 'guys' in this context ?
 

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Hello MaryBlueSky, thank you for the answer!It's spot on, yes I'm limited , I'm living with so many restraints that average guys at my age don't have

that average guys [guy's = guy (who is/are) ]at my age don't have .. you are man who does not play well as woman. You are no Tootsie!
Collins Dictionary:

If you used guys in the general sense for example: hi guys then it is neutral and refers to both sexes (colloquial/informal/slang)


Dictionary.com
1. (informal) a man.
2. (British_ a figure representing Guy Fawkes, burned on a bonfire on Guy Fawkes Night, and often displayed by children begging for money for fireworks
3. (verb) make fun of; ridicule

Merriam-Webster
1. man, fellow
2. person =- neutral when plural to the members of a group regardless of sex (i.e. saw her and the rest of the guys) (colloquial/informal/slang)
3. individual/creature: (the other dogs pale in comparison to this little guy)
4. BRITISH: Guy Fawkes reference
5. BRITISH: a person of grotesque appearance

Generally speaking when one refers themselves as a guy it is the gender is masculine. The use of guys as in a plural reference to a group of men or women is colloquial/slang.
 

Trojina

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that average guys [guy's = guy (who is/are) ]at my age don't have .. you are man who does not play well as woman. You are no Tootsie!


So you are American and in your opinion that sentence would generally indicate a male writer ? Am I correct or have I misunderstood ?
 

marybluesky

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sylvia1ching٫ Trojina I guess by mentioning "average guys her age" Cherry refers to the social/personal limits she has [as a girl?]- and the boys don't have- which prevent her from meeting other people. She doesn't consider herself one of the guys.
 

marybluesky

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sylvia1ching٫ Trojina I guess by mentioning "average guys her age" Cherry refers to the social/personal limits she has [as a girl?]- but boys don't- which prevent her from meeting other people. She doesn't consider herself one of the guys.Maybe a language thing (I'm not a native English speaker myself).
 

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Average guys who are same age as me = boys and girls (mostly boys, because I am interested in boys).I dont think this will change the reading for the casting.
 

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