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Ending of relationship 18 UC, 1 UC, 47.2.3.4.6 > 53

telesfora

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I had an intense relationship which finished in a sudden way. He was giving very mixed signals the whole time. Since the beginning I felt like walking on eggshells. He would send some surprisingly nice messages that he wanted to see me and he appreciated me, and at the same time not really making time to meet. He said he was very busy with work. I thought he was just taking it slow and just accepted it but one day I was so fed up that I wrote him a message saying that I feel he has no interest and I can’t continue this way. He said that he understands and he is not planning to have a long term relationship with me although he was attracted to me and he really appreciates me. He suggested we could meet up to for coffee a last time and talk about what was not said… I took it as a generous and kind of normal gesture, my intention was not breaking up by message but he was so busy that he had no time to meet.
Nearly 3 months passed since and I feel still stuck with this issue. I accept that he is not interested, but I feel hurt that he had no time not even to talk once. A month ago I wrote him and he said he was still busy and we will talk “later”. I know he is meeting his friends and he is active on the dating site so it’s just that he can’t be bothered.

I feel really down with this. It’s never happened to me that somebody I had intimacy with has no time and interest for a last coffee to talk, or a phone call at least. He used to talk about this fantastic connection we have etc. My mind is all the time around this.

I asked: Why I lost so much my self-esteem because of this? Hexagram 18 unchanging
Then: What can I do to close this issue in me and get over? Hexagram 1 unchanging
Last question: Can I do something practical towards him (as write him or explain my feelings etc): Hexagram 47.2.3.4.6 > 53

My conclusion:
18: I have to work on my self-esteem in general.
1: Some creative attitude in general in my life can lift me up and I can get over this experience.
47.2.3.4.6 > 53: I don’t understand it. I asked this question but in fact I am very afraid to expose myself to another rejection, and although I think it’s painful to cut contact in a radical way, I have to accept his needs. And just no contact.

Thanks to anybody who can interpret or give an advice.
 

telesfora

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I can’t edit my post and it’s unclear. He suggested to meet a last time but he was not able to make it. He sent me several times messages that he is trying to make time to meet, then he told me that he was on a business trip. The thing is that 3 months after my message we still haven’t met. ... this is the background and my questions were more about how I can close this issue in me.
 

pink_panther

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I think you are on point with your interpretation of 18UC, as working on yourself/self esteem.

I think 47.2.3.4.6 > 53 is telling you that the more you try to force it the more convoluted you will make the situation. Sometimes its when we just step back, disappear for a while and work on ourselves that the other party starts checking in to see what happened. I think thats what hexagram 53 means "gradual progress" You're hoping for immediate gratification, but the relationship needs time to develop slowly.

Disappear for a bit, work on yourself and watch him pop up to check in on why you disappeared. Good luck :)
 

telesfora

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Dear Panther, thanks a lot for your message. I recognize myself in what you say about immediate gratification, wanting to push. .. I try to step back. Thanks again for your advice, wish you all the best.
 

moss elk

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Can I do something practical towards him (as write him or explain my feelings etc): Hexagram 47.2.3.4.6 > 53

Well, of course you could write him a letter. But I wouldn't advise it. Long and Gradually (53) you'll realize how much he Sucks (47) Or you could save yourself time and unnecessary agony by dousing yourself in the face with a glass of very cold water.
He used to talk about this fantastic connection we have etc.
That is called pillow talk or player speak sweetheart. A man that does this is not interested in anything that he hasn't already received.


Querent to Yi: I feel down....
Yi: (18) Stir up your heart and strengthen your spirit.

Querent to Yi:
What can I do to be over this?:
Yi: (1) Be strong and untiring, persevere!


You already know the truth here,
(he has lied to you and is active on dating sites)
you just have to accept it and act accordingly.

Embrace this song:
[video=youtube_share;9YVRxAX6fwg]https://youtu.be/9YVRxAX6fwg[/video]
 

Trojina

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I had an intense relationship which finished in a sudden way. He was giving very mixed signals the whole time. Since the beginning I felt like walking on eggshells. He would send some surprisingly nice messages that he wanted to see me and he appreciated me, and at the same time not really making time to meet. He said he was very busy with work.

No Yi reading needed really is there, his actions tell you the story. The bolded bit is a classic tactic of people who want to keep you as an option, they don't want to lose you altogether, but they also can't be arsed to sacrifice any of their own selfish time for you so they do what they would do with objects, out them to one side for when they want them later. He keeps you to one side as an option by not finishing completely but keeping you hanging by sending sweet messages now and then.


End it asap - you are being taken for a fool...I mean really ?


He suggested to meet a last time but he was not able to make it. He sent me several times messages that he is trying to make time to meet, then he told me that he was on a business trip. The thing is that 3 months after my message we still haven’t met. ... this is the background and my questions were more about how I can close this issue in me.



It is closed. This is a selfish lying dickhead isn't it ? It's easy to move on from this, look at 47.6 - you can just blow him away like an irritating mosquito on your arm. Pouf and he's gone, good riddance !
 

telesfora

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Moss Elk, I couldn’t stop smiling when I was listening to the song. Thanks a lot, I love it. The song itself and also it helps me to interiorize your message.

Trojina, yes he took me for a fool. It took me time to realize what was going on. Apart his personality, he is from another culture with a very different communication style, very very persuasive. After a point this special communication, kind of baroque style is called manipulation and lies.
I gained experience though.
Thanks a lot for giving your opinion and support. I laughed when I read the last part of your comment...great words to release the tension. Indeed is good riddance.

I wish you both well.
 

Hepzibah

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telesfora, I think every woman reading your posting has been there in some way.he is a complete a*shole.however he brings a very important message. check inside, what buttons he pressed and work on those.thank him (energetically) for the lesson and wish him good riddance and send him on his merry way.practice loving yourself until it feels so good H
 

telesfora

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Dear Hepzibah, yes, this experience has definitely pressed some buttons inside!
I have to make progress in self-expression in a general way. I also managed to understand deep down that I shouldn’t push a situation at any price, if this means accepting toxic behaviors.
Thank you so much for your advice and kind words!
 

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