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60.1.2.3 to 39 -- Love Dilemma

marciella

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Hello everyone, For the past month and a half, I was struggling to choose between two men. One is my current boyfriend, we are not doing very well because he is very flirty with other girls and doesn't involve me in his future plans. Second one is a guy I met recently, he is way more serious and kind and openly shows interest to me. I have been on a few dates with the second guy just to see how I will feel, but I wasn't attracted to him physically. He wasn't as cool or funny as my current boyfriend. I have finally made my mind and told him we shouldn't see each other again. My bf continues to be a jerk and the second guy responded rejection in a very kind and understanding manner. So I asked IC " What is your judgement about my decision?" I got 60.1.2.3 to 39. I am a bit confused about how to interpret it. Any comments or advice would be appreciated.
 
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rosada

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Although this relationship is less than ideal, you have accepted it's limits and pulled back from seeking new friends. This is a frustrating situation. The advice in the image of 39 suggests you "turn your attention to yourself and mold your character." I'm not sure what that could mean. Maybe you should become more realistic. Perhaps you should ask why you "limit" yourself to a man who is not limiting himself to you. Why you are acting as if this is a committed partnership and thus limiting yourself to just him and which sets you up to feel disappointed when he sees others?
 

marciella

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Thank you so much for your input Rosada. Actually your interpretation makes so much sense because the main reason that I stopped seeing others was to be honest with myself and not to camouflage the fact that I am unhappy in my relationship. Now things are getting so much better with my bf but I need to evalute if I REALLY want that kind of relationship or not. So the suggestion of 39 is important and very wise in this regard. I need to work more on my self worth and self esteem so I don't find myself in a relationship that makes me feel worthless again.
 

liquidity

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I see it as an image of confusion.

WB translations:
.1: "Not going out of the door and the courtyard is without blame.
.2: "Not going out of the door and courtyard brings misfortune.
.3: "He who knows no limitation will have cause to lament. No blame.

I see this as like the Johnny Cash song: you have to know when to hold them, know when to fold em, know when to walk away, know when to run...

It sounds like it's a mess, probably because there's a psychological obstruction/issue (39) which you need to work on, perhaps via therapy or other means.
 
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rosada

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I don't know about therapy but I definitely think 60.1 says you've been timid and 60.2 means you need to get out more. Maybe 60.3 is warning that if he doesn't shape up you aren't going to put up with it much longer!
 

marciella

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Wow, thanks a lot Rosada. I am actually seeing a threapist and MY THERAPHIST keeps repeting that I never take any "me " time and put my individual needs, hobbies etc. to second place if I am in a relationship, never mentioned any obstruction though. It might be related to fear of being abandoned. I am suprised how well and and wiselly it fits the situtation. Thank you so very much for your insight!
 

rosada

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Just realized that 60.3 could also be referring to you as in if YOU don't know how to set boundaries and have a habit of putting your needs second as your therapist suggests, then you are the one who will have cause to lament.

(It's a funny thing about putting ourselves second. I find I get into trouble mainly cause I simply don't know how to politely say no. Since realizing this I've paid attention to how other people manage to turn down offers and that's helped a lot.)

I think 39. Obstruction speaks to that feeling you've taken on too much. Mainly that you can't fix this relationship by yourself. You might get value from reading the whole thing including the lines even though we usually only pay attention to the Judgement and Image of the relating hexagram. "Obstruction" is a not the clearest word for describing this hexagram. It's not so much a situation where you are being "obstructed" but one where you can't successfully go forward alone, you need help. Hilary calls the hexagram "Limping" because a person is trying to carry out a heavy responsibility single-handedly and they are able to become successful when they seek out help - which is probably why Liquidity thought your getting 39. meant you might benefit from a therapist. Anyway, the lines in Obstruction delineate the steps we take when we realize we're going off down the wrong path - going off with a new man? - and we want to come back but not to the old arrangement. Maybe you two would benefit from a few sessions of couples therapy?
 

marciella

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I broke up with the guy I mentioned in my first post after he cancelled our plans to go on a trip together twice and refused make any other plans. He invited me to dinner to meet his parents but he kept postponing it for months. And finally he FORGOT to invite me his best friends wedding. Putting all these together, I realized he will never be the guy I want him to be, like the hexagrams above, there will always be limitations. So I said I wanted to end our relationship, and he just said "Okay, I understand." And that was it! And after that I found out he lied to me about one of his ex girlfriends. So I was very much convinced that I made the right choice to break - up with him, because he really was not the one for me. So I asked I Ching "Did I make the right decision to break up with him?" It is a yes/no question therefore not a good one but answer was unexpected: 40.3.4. to 46. Deliverance to Pushing Upward. Line 3 speaks of embrassment and regret. Or maybe I am reading it wrong?
 

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