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What is the proper way? 26.2

jend

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Hello,

I was wondering if someone could help me with this reading.

A year ago, I met someone at work whom, to my amazement, ignited something in me that was asleep for close to 10 years. It took many months before I could believe this was at all possible. At the time, this person was going through a really rough patch both at work and at home. I had understood he was in the process of separating from his wife of eleven years, but this has not happened.

Nothing that could be construed as cheating has ever taken place between us. Ours is a silent deeply felt connection and support, beyond that nothing physical or verbal has taken place. I would never want to do anything towards his wife that I wouldn't have done to me. He is clearly starved for love though and at various times I felt he wanted me to "make a move" perhaps to take the responsibility away from him.

Recently, things have been very hard for me. It's become impossible for me to pretend that I'm OK. He has been trying to support me and be there, but after almost breaking down in front of him, which was humilating as I felt so powerless, I switched to giving him the cold shoulder and started avoiding him. I even spread a rumor at work that I had started seeing someone.

Recently, he overheard about "the other guy" and seemed upset, but I pretended not to be aware. The truth is, this hurts so badly, it's hard to breath sometimes, and I feel a pain in my chest.... but I can't stay miserable forever and I can't come closer to him if he is not divorced. I keep seeing his wife's face and the hurt and anger she would feel. I also think he needs to move towards her not away from her if they're having problems. But then, who am I tell him what to do? I can only control what I do. But I am more miserable than ever...

I asked the iching, "what is the proper way for me to follow in this situation?

Answer: Hexagram 26 line 2

From this do I understand that I'm doing the right thing by moving away from him? Or is it saying "stay in neutral"?

Thank you for your help.
 

AnitaS

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Dear Jend,

I sympathise with you and applaud your awareness in this delicate situation - regarding his wife. I think you ought to always keep this in mind. Also, the line clearly tells you to retreat - axletree separates from the wagon.

Best for your Quest
Anita
 

autumn

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Jend,
Anytime I have received 26 in a people situation, the hexagram has either described or recommended emotional distance, "holding firm" to oneself and values. It is a very strong recommendation of inner restraint. Just as one example, when a person I knew was fired, I asked how a certain manager felt about this person, and received 26.

This is a hexagram of stoicism. Line 2 recommends you immediately remove yourself from temptation. Taking the wheels from the wagon prevents it from running out of control down a hill. Taking the wheels from the wagon saves your energy for something better later on. I don't even recommend entertaining the idea of "being friends" here. I think this hexagram recommends drawing some clear-cut boundaries to stop this, but not because you're doing his wife a favor, because you're doing yourself a favor.
 

dobro p

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Jend, you're handling the situation well, but it's costing you a lot.

"I asked the iching, "what is the proper way for me to follow in this situation?

Answer: Hexagram 26 line 2"

Hex 26 is about big restraint, about keeping your horse well reined in. 26.2 talks about all forward movement stopping because a crucial element in the situation breaks down. In your case, your capacity to sustain and carry out your program of restraint has broken down, you can't do that any more. And what the Yi seems to be doing is both echoing that breakdown, and at the same time imaging a bigger break, that of the connection between the two of you. "This can't go on." That's what the Yi's saying here, I think.
 

autumn

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This is what I said in July in a private message on (the same guy?) about 53.1.4. (13), when you asked, "what does he want from me?" You had also received 60.5 (19) when you asked what he sought in a connection with you.

His primary objective is to explore whatever emotional security you may offer to him without exposing himself to the complications or danger of allowing you to become a fully disclosed partner or mate. It is a picture of being leaned on emotionally more gradually over time. Your second question is a re-articulation of the first, and your answer also is a clarification and re-articulation of the first answer. Satisfied with inherent limtiations, then approach. He is fully conscious of what separates you. He is not tearing down those walls right now. The walls may even be part of the allure, and driving the attraction.

Here's a big lesson in Hexagram 26. Hexagram 26 is about taking responsibility for one's emotional state of being. It's about holding oneself responsible for where passion leads you. It basically says- yes, you can control who you fall in love with.

In line 2, if you have "fed" this attraction to the point that it's getting out of control, if you have to take the wheels from the wagon to keep yourself from danger, then do that. Meaning- if you have to take yourself out of immediate proximity to him, then you should. This man is a big boy. He knows he's in a relationship. There aren't flaming barbed wires tying him to his partner. If he wanted out of his loveless relationship, he'd get out.
 

jend

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Thanks for the replies.

Right, I get it now. The carriage can not proceed, and this is for my own good, as it seems to be going down a path not alligned with a higher good or at least what is right for me.

I need to take care of myself. I need to set apropriate boundries as to what I can and can not accept. I now know I can not accept this situation. It's unfair to me and if he trully cared, he'd understand. Regardless if he does or not, I've really had enough and finally get it.

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts. You've been very helpful.
 

autumn

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Jend,
This is a good thing for you. You already explained how he opened your heart to a depth of emotion you hadn't felt in years. You can let that be something good in your life. That's very hopeful for you- that you can take this new awareness of yourself and go into a different environment, and find someone who's able to give you back what you clearly gave him everyday.

I recently got 60.5 (19) when asking about something completely different, (buying something) and it strikes me this might be a message about raising your expectations. I think I might have been told to raise my expectations. So, back in July when you got this, maybe it was telling you- what he wants in a connection with you is not nearly enough for what you need. So, raise your expectations. (And so will I.) ;)
 

willowfox

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Hi jend,

I asked the iching, "what is the proper way for me to follow in this situation?

hex 26.2 says self restraint, retreat as far away as possible from this man in respect to the feelings that you have.

final hex 22 says beautify your world, both in thoughts and action. You are making your world ugly by thinking about this situation too much, it is burning you up. Clarify your thoughts about this person, silence your desires. Act with charm and grace. Get on with your job, be attractive to others by not making up stories, by not playing games. Have the courage to change your thinking about the situation but don't be rude be polite at all times. It is you and you only that can finally lay this situation to rest, it is up to you to make the discision to end the story once and for all. Act with grace and beauty, clear your mind of all thoughts of this person. Act as if nothing has ever happened between the two of you. This way will give you a successful outcome to this problem.
 
L

lightofreason

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jend said:
I asked the iching, "what is the proper way for me to follow in this situation?

Answer: Hexagram 26 line 2

From this do I understand that I'm doing the right thing by moving away from him? Or is it saying "stay in neutral"?

Thank you for your help.

From the Emotional IC perspective you appear to focus on values (morality, proper way); on what could be; and on being proactive about this.

These indicate you are working out of an emotional position of mountain (001). Mountain covers issues of sorrow/grief through the loss of love and/or the unattainability of a love (the imagined element) (to HAVE the love NOW would be expressed more by Lake).

the basic meanings for mountain are (a) in lower position = self-restraint, and (b) in the upper position = discernment. What that means is we get our sense of quality control from our suffering. Shift perspectives and we get into spiritual issues (Buddhism etc of personal suffering; Christianity is more about someone suffering FOR you)

the range of hexagrams with mountain as base are:

15
52
39
53
62
56
31
33

With mountain as top (and so a more quality control focus):

23
52
04
18
27
22
41
26

I would suggest reflection on these hexagrams to determine which one is the 'best fit' for your situation and so which one you would like to 'enforce', to work with, out of, to aid yourself and interactions with him.

Chris.
 

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