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Need Advice - Hexagram 8

jross

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Dear friends,

I would really like some advice on something that I have been agonising over for months now.

And yes it's a relationship problem of sorts. I recently split (in September 05) from a relatively short term boyfriend (a ten month relationship) who I loved very much and still love today . I cannot stop thinking about him.....he is in my head every day and won't go away even though I am now with someone new. I know it was right to end the relationship as he wasn't giving me the commitment I deserved, but I do feel that it was a case of bad timing for both of us. We'd both had our hearts broken through long term relationships and neither were emotionally ready, although I do believe I gave so much more of myself than he ever did for me.

So I asked the I Ching for some advice. "Will he ever want me back"......and Hex 8 came up with changes in the 4th and 5th lines. What is confusing me is I cannot decipher whether this hexagram is about me or about him......"Those who come late must suffer the consequences" - does that mean I am the one has missed out on the opportunity because I ended it or does it mean he will come back when I no longer care? I am so confused.

In October we started seeing each other again, but it wasn't very solid. We began sleeping with each other again and before I knew it he was telling me he loved me all over again, then I asked him if we were back together and he said 'No we're not'. This continued for a a month or so more.......until I could take no more and told him I loved him to which he replied I love you too very much, but I don't know if I'm in love with you. That was all I needed to finally move on. So, I did the I Ching again and it threw up Hex 8 again with no changes. So what now?

He texted me over New Year and again the other week. I can't make out whether he just wants to be friends or still wants to be with me, but doesn't know how to say it. I can't explain it, but I have a very intuitive personality and somehow just feel he is going to come back to me when it's just too late. Or am I just delerious?

Please help - any words of wisdom would be wonderful.

Thank you.



Minnie
 
B

bruce

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Hi Minnie,

Only have a couple of minutes right now, so this will be a quickie.

Before you can join with another for the purpose of union, you must first be joined with yourself. Perhaps think of it as two streams running into the same lake. If one or both persons are raining over a wide area, they can not join together. But if each has collected themselves, as in a stream or river, they can each flow and hold together into the same lake or ocean.

First collect yourself, as he must also do. Then you each can join with each other as one. But a rain storm doesn't last forever, and so neither does the opportunity to collect.
 
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bruce

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(if the last statement is incomplete, please refresh the page)
 

matt

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nicely said Bruce
happy.gif
 
E

ewald

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Hi Minnie - Is this person perhaps of the kind that's fun and enthusiastic, lots of ideas and looking forward to things? Not wanting to face unpleasant feelings, and not wanting to commit?
 

jross

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Dear Bruce,

Thank you very much for your comments - I am very grateful to you for writing a response. Although I am still a little confused. I fully understand what you say about collecting myself - perhaps we are not meant to be together? I would just like to know if the I Ching is explaining something about me or about my loved one - perhaps you can shed some light. Whatever, I am appreciate of your feedback.

Take care.


Minnie
 

jross

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Hi Ewald,

Thank you also for your feedback - mmm.....he's quite upbeat on the outside and seems quite confident, but I know him - very insecure and doesn't want to face things. Easier to stick his head in the sand. Proud and unbelievably belligerent about his life. Always puts on a front to friends, but different with me - has cried in front of me a few times about his problems.

Thanks again.




Minnie
 
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ewald

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Minnie - Sounds to me that his problem with commitment isn't going to be over on the short term. He'll probably needs to develop some security first.

8.4 is about not being intimate.
8.5 about being pushed and having a way out, and he seems to be choosing the latter.
 

jross

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Thank you Ewald - so you think my question when asked "Will he want me back" is about him more than me? I was under the impression that it was about him finding himself, but perhaps too late, when I had moved on. Maybe I am fooling myself and you are right - who knows???

Thanks again.

M
 
E

ewald

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I think it's about the situation. The recent refusal to be intimate seems to be his (8.4), though you have refused a commitment to him earlier. As to 8.5, perhaps he felt pushed by you to commit, and is choosing a way out. So it seems about both of you.
 

jross

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Ewald - so when it says those later-comers must suffer the consequences......he finds the door locked...is probably about me and that I am the one who is now suffering?

Thanks


Minnie
 
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ewald

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Minnie - perhaps, but he's late too, in a sense. For him, the time to start a commitment is over as well.

I'm translating 8.0 slightly differently than others:
<blockquote>Associate.
Good fortune.
The original oracle of the first day will always persist.
Without fault to not be at ease.
Arrive on time,
men who are late have misfortune.</blockquote>
The line about the original oracle in my view says that the situation at the beginning tends to repeat itself. If you'd consult the oracle you'd have it clarified what the "character" of the situation is. That "character" needs to change before there is even a possibility of having a steady relationship between you two.
 
B

bruce

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Hex 45:
Get it together.

Hex 8:
Keep it together.

Hex 11:
Together.

happy.gif
 

bradford_h

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Bruce-

RE: Hex 45: Get it together.

A rare understanding of 45.
Doesn't happen often with this one.

b
 

jross

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Hello Bruce,

I'm not so famiiar with Hex 45 - is there a reason that you keep referring to this one?

Minnie
 

jross

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Ewald,

Thank you for your honesty. It makes me sad to think that after all the support I gave him that the relationship could really be over - I gave so very much to help heal his broken heart. I suppose I read this Hexgram thinking that he would come back to me at some point, but that I would have moved on. Never did I imagine it was actually telling me that the relationship was/is indeed over and there is no way back to each other.

I often find the I Ching confusing......sometimes when I ask it a question it gives me an answer I rarely understand or if I do I'll relate it to something else.

Thank you again for your words of support.



Minnie x
 

jross

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Hello Bruce,

I'm not so famiiar with Hex 45 - is there a reason that you keep referring to this one?

Minnie
 
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bruce

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Hi Minnie,

Not necessarily as it relates to interpreting your reading. I was playing a bit off of Brad's "Hex 8 in four words: Don't push the river." Did you understand his metaphor as it relates to your reading?
 

jross

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Hi Bruce,

I do understand in part and believe that what Brad is saying comes under 8.5: don't run after something, if it is meant for you, it will come to you, if not, it was never yours to begin with.

I just hope he will come back one day.

Thank you again.

Minnie
 

bradford_h

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Minnie-

There is a strong relationship between 8 and 45.
Both are water over the earth. One body of water is free flowing and the other is contained, a lake, or sometimes artificially as with a reservoir. To understand this difference helps in understanding both hexagrams.

What I was saying is broader than 8.5. The whole hexagram refers to the naturalness of belonging and how that should be allowed to work. But sometimes you have to add other things, like good judgment (08.3) or the trappings of membership (08.4).
 
B

bruce

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There?s an old expression: ?pushing on a string?.

Not the best way to solve a problem or to sew things together.
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sirix

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8 to 35 He will have to leave because he does feel strong enough to function as the center. He doesn't have the qualities to manage a relationship. line 4-you showed your attachment line 5-he let you be again with him, but you can come and go freely as you want-without attachments.If you want it that way o.k., if not o.k.He can't do it better. And yes, I agree that it can also mean that you gave him a chance by showing your attachment, but he decidet to leave.
hex 35-He is generally o.k. as a person deep inside, but he needs some time to be the one who he really is.

Only hex 8-I think this means that it's too late for relationship-and that the same problem would arise:he is not ready for commitment.

Without i ching:
and I have this feeling that he will come too late also:I think that even now is too late-could you trust him after all?

Of course I might be wrong, as it was really confusing to read this combination....

If you have time check out my post I've posted:hex 38 into hex 42? I need some help too.
 

jross

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Thank you for your words of wisdom Sirix. I tend to agree - he's not ready for committment and I'm not sure he will ever be. Very sad. One day he will come to realise just what he had and he let it go without a fight. By the time he realises that I think it will be too late for us. And that is why I think he will be the one "who comes to late".

I will try and have a look at your posting and give you some advice.

Thanks.


Minnie
 

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