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#31 changing to #36 please offer insite

lahunter212

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I have been a single girl for much longer than I'd like...so, I asked a question about what things i need to be aware of and focus on in order to manifest my desired relationship more quickly and i received #31 changing to #36.
I have never asked for insight regarding my answers before, but i highly value the shared suggestions I have read on this site so i decided to join and ask for your help. Any clarity one can offer for me will be greatly appreciated.
 

Samgirl

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For what I see, you received 31.1.4.5 > 36.

Hex. 31 talks about influencing, relationships that occurs spontaneously. The lines are different stages of seeking influence and their consequences.

Line 1 tells that the beginning of the influence is too soon to make statements of what is happening- in both sides. We sense the potential, but at this stage, the outcome is still uncertain, and it depends entirely on us adopting the correct attitude. I think that line 4 talks about avoiding the temptation of forcing outcomes by focusing consciously on our desires. It advices us to remain open and without judgment, in an innocent state. Line 5 talks about our fear of making mistakes and becoming unreceptive to the potential. Then it comes Hex 36, that talks about hiding our light -be clear in your convictions, don't lose sight of them, but keep it to yourself. 36 tells us not we need to be cautious of engaging with it too eagerly, while not going so far as to disengage completely. In holding back we must also guard against the negative emotions of wounded pride and vanity. We cannot measure our progress against imaginary standards, nor the standards of others. Fate comes when it will. For now we must be humble and hide our brilliance within.

I hope this helps. The general idea I get from this reading is that we need to let things happens naturally, giving us time to understand what we feel, letting it grow, not expecting specific outcomes but accept what is, and allowing what is to come to us. For that, we need to create space around us so what is coming can reach us -thus, hiding our light.

Sami
 
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diamanda

Guest
I think your answer is trying to show you where things are going wrong.

31 (ie the initial influence, which starts a relationship) is what you are
trying to achieve. However, your answer shows you how you are actually
departing from 31, 31 somehow gets spoiled, and heading towards 36
(being hurt and hiding).

You do possess 31, you do attract people. When this happens, you don't
show absolutely anything to him (change 1). At this stage of 31, you
should be doing what change 4 describes, ie not focus on one person
only, keep your options open, keep the 'door' open, be yourself, focus
on yourself, show your worth and shine, and whoever is really influenced
and attracted to you, will definitely be drawn and come to you. But
because 36 is not positive, i'll assume you are not doing this, and really
focusing on one person completely.

So far in the 'situation', you like someone, you don't show anything to
him, but in your heart you are already focussed on him. Then comes
change 5, which means something like, you consolidate this person in
your heart. The influence still does not show, externallly nothing is
happening, but you are still insisting on the person, inwardly. When
after all this nothing happens, you feel hurt, and withdraw. And of
course when we feel hurt and down and hiding, even if there's a new
love interest around the corner, we still won't see it, and in any case
won't be in any mood for it.

I played around with the lines a bit, and saw that if you got 31, then
line 1 (= you didn't show anything), then line 4 (= you kept the door
and the heart open, and see who comes to you), then that would have
led to 63, completion. Perhaps line 5 is what spoils the whole thing
in this sequence? Perhaps you should try not to fix your heart on someone
before you even get a chance to see if he's really what you want or not?
And of course, in such a situation, 36 is the last thing you want to do!
You like someone, and/or you want to find a partner, so the last thing
you'd want to do would be to feel hurt and go into hiding.

I know it's not an easy situation you're in... i've been there and i very
well remember how down it can get you (and rightly so; keep in mind
that this is normal - people are meant to have partners, live together).

However, your ideal situation would be a straight 31, no changing lines.
(or a 31 leading to a 53!)
Be like a joyous lake, open, with 'readiness to receive others', just be,
be who you are, collected like a lake.

31 describes a quiet influence.
It is clear on that the man must take the initiative. If we are collected in
ourselves (compare 31 change 4, 'agitated in mind'), know what we want,
are focused on our own worth, and are open to other people, then surely
at some point people will see it, someone who is compatible will see it,
and approach us. The one and only and best relationship advice i've
ever heard, from the perspective of a woman, is to choose among
those who want you, not among those you want. You must make
sure that the man wants to be with you, a lot, and for the right reasons.
Otherwise you'll live in a state of constantly trying to 'keep' him, which
is obviously no good, and i bet it's not what you want!

Finally, compare hexagrams 31, and 39. 39 means obstruction, it means
'it can't be done', it means 'no', it means 'obstacle'. This is because water
is on a mountain. The water is all over the place, it's flowing at random,
it does not have a fixed course. While a lake on a mountain is collected,
self-contained, peaceful, resting.

Anyway, just some thoughts! Apologies if im totally off the mark here,
but hopefully some of it will make sense to you?
 

lahunter212

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Amazing!! this has blown my mind and i cant express enough thanks for your knowledgable insight!! i believe you have totally hit the nail on the head with your explanations. sometimes it takes someone else to point things out about ourselves, but im completely amazed that i was handed this mirror by someone who doesnt know me!! the iching is a very powerful thing huh??

well,i must agree that i most definitly do attract people easily but, of course they never seem to be just what i want...and when i believe that person does appear i DO begin to focus strongly on them...and of course, i turn into the "playing hard to get" mode so that i dont look too anxious or needy. ( of course, all the girlie books tell you to do this) then i cant understand why this person doesnt seem to feel a connection also and persue me... and then i usually withdraw completely in order to "avoid getting hurt", and/or "driving them away" and just move on. i definitly like and agree with the advice about focusing on myself and my worth and letting the persons be drawn to me, (which i already do try to do). and my favorite is the advice about choosing from those that are into ME!! so simple, yet so profound!! thanks a million

the only thing im not quite clear on though, is... should i be making more of an effort to show my interest in someone?? it seems a bit conflicting to me. i dont want someone to think im not interested, yet i also am supposed to let them come to me and let the "masculine seize the innitiative". it seems like such a fine line...
 
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diamanda

Guest
Well, i'll tell you what i know to be true, although it's not that easy
in practice :)

Yes, the man must take the 'wooing' initiative; however, this is
not the only kind of interest we can show in someone! And showing
erotic interest is only a very small part in the whole process of
finding a partner. I will assume here that what you are looking for is
a nice and healthy relationship.

If this is the case, two initial things needed are: that the man really
likes you and wants to be with you, and that the man is a nice
person, and not eg one of those whose enthusiasm fades out, nor
someone who really wants you but also has another girlfriend (!),
or someone who has a really bad character defect not immediately
obvious, and so on.

Because physical attraction is all too easy, really. Far too easy, and
definitely not enough to determine if two people are compatible to
be in a relationship.

So, of course you can show interest - but interest in the other person.
Think of friendships, think of when you meet a new friend - you're
asking questions, you check if the other person's company is pleasant,
if they have good manners, if your views are compatible, you tell
each other details of your lives, etc. That shows interest in the other
person, and not interest in their erotic side - they've got many more
sides than that, and so do you. Imagine a person who is very successful
socially - they smile a lot, they are friendly and kind to others, they
listen, they keep their dignity - things like that make the person shine,
and be liked by others. All this attracts others to us, and the more open
we are to people (with some due cautiousness, always, of course), the
more people you will meet. Now even if nothing else comes out of this
attitude, at least it will make you feel better about yourself, and also
it could get you some great new friends along the way!

The secret is to approach people as people, and not as a hunter for a
partner. Show interest, but not erotic interest - that's the man's job.
There are far too many parameters to take into account when one is
looking for a good solid relationship... it's not easy at all, and luck
plays a big part in who you meet. Well, we can only do our best eh! :)

wishing you good luck with it all!
 

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