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hexagram 45.4.5 > 2 relationship question

telesfora

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I am on internet dating. I am not attracted in an obvious way to anybody, don’t fall in love but I am still trying to be open. Maybe with time I get closer and feel the other person.
I feel though that now I don’t have the instinct to distinguish if I am giving opportunity or kind of “pushing”.
In the past I made efforts to work on relationships but it turned out that I was not making a compromise for the sake of the relationship, but pushing a relationship that wouldn’t work. I don’t want to find myself in a similar situation.
I’ve been seeing a nice guy during several weeks, a good person and also good looking. But I felt very artificial, conversation didn’t flow at all and deep down I was trying to avoid the dates. There was no physical contact and finally I said to him that I am not opening towards him.
It’s very ambiguous as I still I feel bad, I am saying to myself that I am too demanding and I should have tried getting closer to him.
I know that my hypothetical question is a bit of a nonsense but still asked IC:
How would have been our relationship with X?
45.4.5 > 2
Seems a positive union. Somebody on the forum wrote that line 5 refers to lack of cooperation. Is this reading reflects what I already know, that it could have been a good relationship and I was just not willing to try or is there any other message? Or any advice regarding my feeling of good or bad compromise?
I would be very grateful for any interpretation. Thanks a lot.
 
T

Thinkclear

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If I were you I first would ask myself the question what the Yi is answering to? Is it your question or is it answering something deeper/related/underlying your question? What does your gut feeling tell you?
It might help to read LiSe's translation of hex. 45 and its lines.

In my personal opinion the Yi is not a replacement for your own guiding system, being your feelings. So if it does not feel good....;)
Seems a positive union.
Really?
How do you connect that with how you were feeling during your dates?
But I felt very artificial, conversation didn’t flow at all and deep down I was trying to avoid the dates. There was no physical contact and finally I said to him that I am not opening towards him.
The Yi is not an external entity talking to you, it is You talking to you, taking everything in account about you and where you are here and now, how you feel, what you want etc.
I personally do not believe the Yi would advice you to do something that is against you own feelings. Maybe it would advice you to look at the feelings, analyse them, transform them, etc. but (my opinion) not do something that does not feel good.

Somebody on the forum wrote that line 5 refers to lack of cooperation.
Again in my personal opinion there is no standard explanation for hexagrams and/or changing lines. Everything is always in relation to the one who asks the question and his/her situation and background.

After reading this, what are your own feelings/thoughts about this hexagram and its changing lines? ;)
 

telesfora

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Hi thinkclear, thanks a lot for your reply inviting to think clearer!
I liked LiSe’s approach applying in general to my circumstances:
Gather around you what really belongs with you, and yet leave all in its/their own value.
One can put one’s ideas to the trial, (…).

I agree with you in that I don’t trust my feelings. This question was motivated by fear. And the fear is that if there is not enough attraction, I should just accept our differences but I don’t really see how it works.
Maybe compromise shouldn’t be the first thing… but first feel good and happy with the person, not feeling uncomfortable. Compromise can come after (and there is always compromise in every relationship).

I really appreciate your words about independence and trust in ourselves. I’ll keep thinking about what you said. Thanks again!
 

telesfora

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sorry some strange characters appeared

Hi thinkclear, thanks a lot for your reply inviting to think clearer!
I liked LiSe s approach applying in general to my circumstances:
Gather around you what really belongs with you, and yet leave all in its/their own value.
One can put one s ideas to the trial.

I agree with you in that I don t trust my feelings. This question was motivated by fear. And the fear is that if there is not enough attraction, I should just accept our differences but I don t really see how it works.
Maybe compromise shouldn t be the first thing, but first feel good and happy with the person, not feeling uncomfortable. Compromise can come after (and there is always compromise in every relationship).

I really appreciate your words about independence and trust in ourselves. I ll keep thinking about what you said. Thanks again!
 

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