No show 38>32

[becalm]

I’m in the midst of a career change and thinking of working in partnership with another creative type person. They said they’d meet me tonight but never showed and never let me know they weren’t coming. I know they’ve a personal issue absorbing their thoughts at the moment.
Why didn’t they meet me tonight 38.1.3.6>32
Looks like they may have been caught up with the personal issue Lines 1 and 3 but we’ll sort out things eventually to. Meet Line 6.

 

[Trojina]

Personal issues are irrelevant presumably they have an adult sized brain so can manage their own life just enough to send a bloody text saying 'I'm not coming'. Unless they are dead or wounded there is no excuse for not just lifting their fingers high enough to type 'sorry I can't make it'.

You have to stop getting involved with really unreliable people don't you ?

That was clearly me not Yi. FWIW to me it seems you are repeating a pattern of being let down by people who become important to you but they become important too quickly, like with that guy you were with who just completely dropped you after leading you to believe things after 10 days of knowing him.

To make yourself less vulnerable maybe wait to see what people are really like ? I don't know of course, I only know you from what I read here.

38.1.3.6>32 well it looks like something carries on as before, carries on as usual (32) in the midst of the ups and downs of misunderstandings in 38. How to interpret the 32 does depend I think on how long you have known this person. You see if you only met them last week then I wonder if 32 is more like you continuing in your own path regardless of what they do.

You did ask why though and if I took the answer really literally I would say the person was comfortable in their routine, was going along in their routine (32) and various things drew them out of that by the lines in 38. That is if the evening/day had gone on as usual in the person's routine they would have met you but they got distracted ….

However I'm more inclined to take it, the cast that is, that you can overcome this misunderstanding and be pals again....though I'm not sure why you'd want to be

 

[my_key]

Hi Becalm

I’m in the midst of a career change and thinking of working in partnership with another creative type person. They said they’d meet me tonight but never showed and never let me know they weren’t coming. I know they’ve a personal issue absorbing their thoughts at the moment.
Why didn’t they meet me tonight 38.1.3.6>32
Looks like they may have been caught up with the personal issue Lines 1 and 3 but we’ll sort out things eventually to. Meet Line 6.

So Hex 32 is the field that you are both running around together in at the moment. This meeting and all around it is tugging away at old thoughts, feelings and behaviours. Remember you are both in this together and so the reason behind them not coming or not contacting you is immaterial - its more about how you both act next.
Let what has happened about the meeting pass you by this is not a horse to pursue (38.1). If either of you let this burn into you it'll become unpleasant (38.3). This situation my be similar to things that have caused some hurt before, however this time things can be different if you both allow them to be (38.6). Whatever the response of the other person this is your chance to stand firm and not get drawn into dramas that you know will drag you down.


Good Luck

 

[Trojina]

so the reason behind them not coming or not contacting you is immaterial -

It isn't immaterial if this person is a prospective business partner. Reliability does matter then. Actually it always matters.

 

[Freedda]

First, stepping away from the reading for a moment, I'd suggest you call or contact them and asked what happened. If you're not too angry about it, maybe you could ask in an inquisitive way, 'hey, we had plans to meet up, what happened'?

As to the reading, here you have 38, Estrangement and the image text says, 'The flame rises, the lake descends ...' which might indicate things/people/energies going in different directions. Sometimes though we can be estranged from ourselves, and I wonder if this could be what's going on here? Going out on a limb - but still only posing this as a question - what might be going on with this person that makes them estranged from themselves? Could they be depressed, or, just incredibly flaky, or not really in their body, or ...?

(And it could be none of that: an emergency came up; or they just plain forgot.)

Many of the lines indicate things not being clear - are we seeing a hog happily covered in muck, or a wagon of corpses? - but interestingly, the last line 38.6, ends with:

'After this, all is well.'

So, it seems that there will be resolution, though I don't know what that is. Maybe this other person learns that they need to be more reliable, especially with someone whom they might be going into business with; maybe you learn that this was an isolated incident and you can continue pursuing a partnership; or you learn that this person is not reliable and you then have useful information to base a decision on about how or if you continue working together.

Best, D.

 

[Trojina]

Another thought is regarding the 38 is that you may have had completely different perceptions of the arrangements ?

One person might say 'see you later' and not mean later. I have got into that habit of saying to neighbours etc 'see you later' when what I mean is I'll just see you later at some point. But years ago 'see you later' meant you'd actually see the person that day but it's used more loosely now. Or maybe she thought she'd left it open as in 'I might see you there later' thinking that left it open. Hmm I'm not even convincing myself with these examples but it is sometimes possible for 2 people to remember the arrangements they made quite differently.


I don't think it's nice being stood up, I think it's hurtful so she needs to respect your feelings with some kind of convincing explanation.

Sometimes it's better to let things go, unanswered texts and so on but I think an arrangements to meet in person is really something she should either kept to or warned you of if she couldn't come. It's just not a nice thing to do to someone and everyone has a phone these days and how much energy does sending a text make ?

 

[my_key]

It isn't immaterial if this person is a prospective business partner. Reliability does matter then. Actually it always matters.

Hi Trojina
I would agree with you that reliability is an important quality to hold, however, I think I am coming at this from a different angle to you If you read my sentence in full you may be able to see this.

"Remember you are both in this together and so the reason behind them not coming or not contacting you is immaterial - its more about how you both act next."

The no showing, either physically or verbally, is to my way of seeing things the important factor at the root of the reading. The question was about 'why they did not meet?' not on the goodness of this person as a prospective business partner.

You have tagged to my sentence 'reliability' in your mind I have not. I didn't see the same as you in the words of the Yi on this occassion. That's the joy of sharing interpretationsand reading other peoples words: everyone has a different take.

Good Luck

 

[Trojina]

The thing is I think there is a dimension somewhat missing from Yi and that's how much things matter to you. 38 and the lines can be different ways of seeing but feel like much more than that. That emotional component that is somewhat missing is why relationship readings are often so useless I think.

 

[becalm]

Thank you all for responding it’s helped me gain clarity on a bit of shaky time and peoples unreliability at such a time shouldn’t be surprising really.
The bush fires here have caused loss of homes and lives , suicides because of the losses, loss of family pets and wildlife The devastation is overwhelming even to those like me who’ve had no personal loss through the fires.
I will give them the benefit of the doubt because of the present energy surrounding us all at this time but yes I’m also okay if I continue with my idea without them although the reading has given me faith we can just move on from last night.
Regardless of them not being there last night the reading and your interpretations are relevant as there’s been old hurts re old business associates so thinking of going into partnership again definitely triggers memories like that.
I’m definitely not going to get caught up in others dramas. These days I realise and act on It’s not my issues it’s theirs and step right away, hence letting go of the potential romance.

 

[becalm]

We got into a good place and sorted out what's what but they still seem to be hesitant in allowing me to have some things my way which I can work around but then it ends up being ALL about them and their ideas - I understand their past dramas is what is causing them to be this way.

How to get some of my needs met in this situation

Hex 36.2>11

Not 100% on this but I'm reading it as just let them have their way for now and they will heal through my understanding of how things need to be for now.

 

[Trojina]

What was his excuse for not showing up ?

 

[becalm]

What was his excuse for not showing up ?

Didn’t say just contacted me and asked if we could talk....I didn’t push it, it’s where go from here that matters but I won’t be accepting the behaviour a second time - not my issues but also not acceptable. I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt.

 

[Trojina]

How to get some of my needs met in this situation

Hex 36.2>11

Not 100% on this but I'm reading it as just let them have their way for now and they will heal through my understanding of how things need to be for now.

If you're in 36 it's not a great place to have your needs met, not a great place because who you are is being overshadowed, over looked. In line 2 determination and energy is needed to free yourself of that which threatens your light. There's a robust kind of urgency to the line which doesn't tally with

Not 100% on this but I'm reading it as just let them have their way for now and they will heal through my understanding of how things need to be for now.

I don't see that in the reading ?

We got into a good place and sorted out what's what but they still seem to be hesitant in allowing me to have some things my way which I can work around but then it ends up being ALL about them and their ideas - I understand their past dramas is what is causing them to be this way

This is pure 36 - all about them, not about you

I also think it matters very much you know why he stood you up, you can't just let it pass surely, it's very important.

I didn’t push it, it’s where go from here that matters

Not really, where you go from here depends on where you start from and you've started from him standing you up with no explanation.

 

[my_key]

How to get some of my needs met in this situation

Hex 36.2>11

Not 100% on this but I'm reading it as just let them have their way for now and they will heal through my understanding of how things need to be for now.

Hi Becalm
The question is very cleary directed towards gaining an insight into how you get some of your needs met and not about how your actions will impact on the other persons healing.

The field you are walking through in this reading is a field in which there will be calls on you to flower and prosper in ways that are working towards restoring the balance. You can bring your world to life through recognising your own needs (11). Right now, getting your needs met is a skill that you have not practiced enough: it sits in the shade and only comes out in times occasionally. Practicing the skill needs to be done carefully - maybe, you feel safer when you sit yourself secondary to others needs - and with caution so that you remain protected(36). To get some of your needs met you might like to consider ways to rise above the hurts that are hobbling you. If you have difficulty walking find a horse to ride; travel differently, think, do, act differently. Focus on the strengths you have and direct your thinking towards how you can use them to bring some balance back into your world. (36.2)

...and of course it may mean nothing like this at all to you.

Although, maybe you are already walking the path of the reading.....

........I didn’t push it, it’s where go from here that matters but I won’t be accepting the behaviour a second time - not my issues but also not acceptable. I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt.

Good Luck

 

[my_key]

Not really, where you go from here depends on where you start from and you've started from him standing you up with no explanation.

Hi Trojina
I disagree with this statement completely.
In life, every day even, we have millions of chances to start afresh. Every morning we wake up; every time we start to open our mouths to say something; everytime we are faced with a fear or a hurt we are standing at a new beginning. I've always turned right now I'd like to turn left, kind of thing.

Whether or not we allow a situation to become a fresh start is dependent on the weight we assign to events that have gone before. If the baggage of what has happened to us yesterday, or the baggage of what happened to us last time we spoke out about our truth, or the baggage of our past fears and hurts is so heavy or so firmly attached that we cannot put it down, then we miss the opportunity for a fresh start, for a new beginning. The baggage of the previous events weighs us down too much to move or to change. It can become the starting point of all that follows, however it doesn't have to be so.

Becalm has already clearly declared her own starting point - " it's where we go from here". Your comment that her starting point right now is not her starting point but is actually some point in the past, does not really honour her or consider her needs. She says she needs to start from this point and yet this has been discounted. Your need for the starting point for becalm to start from seems to be at a different place "... started from him standing you up with no explanation."

Having chosen to drop any baggage she may have had around being 'stood up', to my way of looking at this, it is not helpful for her to tie any baggage back on. After all what you are asking her to pick up appears not to be her baggage. I don't know about you but I have enough trouble carrying my own baggage around without having some extras, that aren't mine, foisted upon me.

Good Luck

 

[Trojina]

I'm not obliged to fall in with your world view. I think you are over idealistic trying to ignore a very real incident of being stood up.

You are free to express your world view but do stop trying to silence me both in this area in in private conversation. You are free to express your world view but I don't agree with you and am not very interested in discussing it with you.

On what planet do you live whereby someone agrees to meet you, doesn't come and then offers no reason and it's all still fine. What you are trying to do is make everything fit your philosophy - fine do that but please don't address me about it.



Good Luck
I don't know with what but as you say it I'll wish you the same.

It's certainly up to becalm what she does but I am as free to express my view as you are. As I said I'm not interested in discussion with you so you have your view I'll have mine.

 

[Trojina]

Whether or not we allow a situation to become a fresh start is dependent on the weight we assign to events that have gone before. If the baggage of what has happened to us yesterday, or the baggage of what happened to us last time we spoke out about our truth, or the baggage of our past fears and hurts is so heavy or so firmly attached that we cannot put it down, then we miss the opportunity for a fresh start, for a new beginning. The baggage of the previous events weighs us down too much to move or to change. It can become the starting point of all that follows, however it doesn't have to be so.

So your view is that if someone punches you in the head on Monday it would be 'baggage' if you still remembered that on Tuesday. That's out of touch with reality, you are out of touch with reality if you think there is no past, no history and anything that happened before this moment is 'baggage'. Unless you are a gold fish with a very tiny brain you will remember what happened yesterday in your relationship and no of course you don't start fresh each morning in a relationship, history does exist even if your world is doesn't. What you have done is taken an idea of not carrying baggage, which is all very well in the right context, and made it about what happened yesterday or the day before.

Your comment that her starting point right now is not her starting point but is actually some point in the past, does not really honour her or consider her needs.

I don't think you consider her needs much since you suggest denial, yesterday never happened, let's pretend the world is how I want it to be.

If becalm wants to forget it's up to her but frankly I don't see 36.2 as the fluffy little scenario you paint. Yesterday did happen and calling yesterday 'baggage' misses entirely what baggage really is.


You have kind of gone overboard in your personal philosophy until you are just out of touch. I mean look at this

In life, every day even, we have millions of chances to start afresh. Every morning we wake up; every time we start to open our mouths to say something; everytime we are faced with a fear or a hurt we are standing at a new beginning. I've always turned right now I'd like to turn left, kind of thing

Yes it's all very well if you have a nice life to do that - some people wake up with violence every day, are they meant to tralalalal all the way to lala land and forget yesterday ever happened.


Actually being hurt isn't always a new beginning sometimes it's just being hurt - there are shit people out there and yes it pays to realise that rather than floating in the air saying every day is so new and yesterday didn't happen tralalalla.

I don't care what you write quite frankly but given you have written an entire post judging mine then I return the favour. Perhaps in future you could just give your view without dedicating an entire post to telling me I do not honour someone or meet their needs by your standards. I don't need to meet your standards mate....so do your thing and leave me to do mine.

I don't know about you but I have enough trouble carrying my own baggage around without having some extras, that aren't mine, foisted upon me.

I haven't 'foisted' anything and I think you have a real cheek saying that actually. I think becalm is quite strong enough in her own mind not to be pushed one way or the other. She can see my opinion and take it or leave it, indeed she had already left it....but I'm playing the voice of 'well actually he did do this...' . I don't value your input at all so don't give me any more and don't presume to tell me how to answer people.

 

[becalm]

Hi Becalm
The question is very cleary directed towards gaining an insight into how you get some of your needs met and not about how your actions will impact on the other persons healing.

The field you are walking through in this reading is a field in which there will be calls on you to flower and prosper in ways that are working towards restoring the balance. You can bring your world to life through recognising your own needs (11). Right now, getting your needs met is a skill that you have not practiced enough: it sits in the shade and only comes out in times occasionally. Practicing the skill needs to be done carefully - maybe, you feel safer when you sit yourself secondary to others needs - and with caution so that you remain protected(36). To get some of your needs met you might like to consider ways to rise above the hurts that are hobbling you. If you have difficulty walking find a horse to ride; travel differently, think, do, act differently. Focus on the strengths you have and direct your thinking towards how you can use them to bring some balance back into your world. (36.2)

Thanks my_key all of what you say here resonates with me but particularly Practicing the skill needs to be done carefully - maybe, you feel safer when you sit yourself secondary to others needs - and with caution so that you remain protected(36).
Reading those words makes me realise it's okay to be mindful and understand where others are coming from and even make allowances for them sometimes but I do it way too much, this is clear to me through this reading amongst other types of growth and personal learning I'm going through now.

Not really, where you go from here depends on where you start from and you've started from him standing you up with no explanation.

I'm comfortable with not knowing and giving them the benefit of the doubt BUT that doesn't mean I will forget it happened it just means I don't want to create any negativity in my own psyche/heart about it. If it pans out they do it again then I can let it go without qualms - it's not my issue, it's theirs. Meanwhile I'm still getting on with other projects etc. You know the Plan B thing....

 

[Freedda]

Becalm, with 36 I think there are different reasons why a person might 'hide their light' - sometimes it's out of fear, or maybe because they just aren't ready to 'face the world' (I think of a composer who hasn't shared a new composition simply because it may not be finished, but not out of fear or hurt).

In your case however, line 36.2 might be suggesting that you have some kind of wound or hurt that may be holding you back from getting what you want -- in particular, the line talks about a leg wound, which could be about using one's legs to move forward.

The line suggest that you may need someone's help, and that whoever this is will be strong enough to offer that help. Who this is, I don't know. Maybe a good friend or family member? Maybe a counselor or therapist ? Maybe a business consultant or partner?

The other thing I see is that you may want to step back a moment and think a bit more about what it is you really want: what is the best outcome you might expect from this situation? (with the understanding that there will of course be compromises, and setbacks, and disagreements ....). But I think starting out by considering what you really want could give you some perspective on what's happening - and maybe inform your decisions.

I'm comfortable with not knowing and giving them the benefit of the doubt BUT that doesn't mean I will forget it happened it just means I don't want to create any negativity in my own psyche/heart about it.

Here, I'll say two things: first, with your statement above, and with a few other things you've said, I get the sense that you are hesitant about this whole venture, which might be part of the 'wound' I mentioned and also might be a good reason to stop and contemplate a bit about what you want from this.

Second, I have to say that if it were me considering a business venture with this person, I'd handle this situation quite differently, and I'd definitely ask them about why they didn't show up. This is not being negative at all, it's simply wanting to know what happened and wanting to start off right with this person by setting good boundaries. But that's just me.

Best, D.

 

[my_key]

Hi Trojina

Thanks for your detailed responses, they speak volumes and give deep insights into your world view. It is clear that we have two different world views and sometimes they may be at opposites - that is only natural. Long may diversity of opinion reign!

Firstly, I would like to apologise for my use of the word ‘foisted’ as although I was writing from a personal perspective, where other peoples baggage has been foisted on me, I had not appreciated that you would take this comment personally, in the way that you have. Secondly, I would agree with your comments about Becalm; she is a strong character and again agree with you that there is no need for you to meet anyone’s standards other than your own. I can also see how deeply your beliefs are held and honour that in you.

You are right when you say that you are not obliged to fall into my world view and I don’t believe that I have asked you to do that. Similarly I have not attempted to silence you. I have simply disagreed with one comment in your post, then written my reasons for disagreeing. You do not need my permission to answer people in whatever way you like. Likewise I do not need your permission to speak out when I am in disagreement with what has been written by you or anyone else.

Good Luck