How to deal with husband’s unemployed situation

[Mylife]

Hi everyone, my husband is unemployed for about 6months and he struggles to find a new job. He decided to quit his last job before securing a new one. I supported him on this decision because the work he had before was a toxic working place and affected him in many ways. I was happy to support him to get out of that place but not sure anymore if I did the right thing.
However, in the past few months he was taking it easy and didn’t apply much for new jobs, but he was basically chilling and enjoying the “free time”.
After 6 months I had an argument with him because I couldn’t stand his “taking it easy” mood while everything was falling on my shoulders. After the recent argument he realised that he became a weight puller and he started to be more dedicated and actively applying for jobs and contacting recruiters. So he is doing his part now (after 6m of taking it easy).

However because of the chilling time he had which I disagreed with, because of the pressure of being the only one covering the expenses, etc, etc I feel annoyed towards him. I start to believe that I might start to resend him (not sure) but I do feel something against him and I m not happy about it.
Maybe is the selfish part of me taking over because I don’t want to be the only one paying the bills and basically maintaining him, but I want to share the financial responsibility with him. And having him partecipate to our finances. Maybe this selfish part of me plays a role in the way I feel and because I don’t want to be the only one working while he does nothing.
But like I said he agreed with me that he received became lazy and complacent and he started to be job hunting active every day.

I asked the oracle for an advice how can I deal with and how to look at this unemployed situation? I received 48.2-39
I struggle to interpret this answer to my situation and I need some help here.
Many thanks

 

[mandarin_23]

Hi Mylife
First of all, what do you think about this oracle?
My first thought was that the Yi might tell you to see that your husband might be unfit for some reason to gain much money at the moment. Maybe "broken", maybe he is lacking confidence.

Another interpretation might be that you would do well to approach this situation together, help each other and maybe find a way to "fish" together.
Whatsoever, it is your own thoughts and ideas which are important first. You can't really expect it from others to interprete your reading for you!

All the best
mandarine_23

 

[rosada]

48.2 - 39 seems to me to exactly fit the situation you describe:
48.2, The jug broken and leaking and people shooting the fish sounds like the toxic work situation.
39. Obstruction and the man turning attention to himself to “mold his character“ (Wilhelm) sounds like his inability to find work and his turning his attention to enjoying himself.
Together I think the I Ching is advising that you look at this situation as being as you described - he was working in a toxic job, he’s since been obstructed in finding new employment so he’s turned his attention to doing whatever he’s felt like doing which hasn’t been very considerate of you, some character he’s molding! So yeah, you’re justified in being annoyed. I mean, from what you say, or haven’t said, I assume he didn’t make sure that while you were the soul bread winner you at least didn’t have to do any work around the house. That is, he really did just put it all on you. No fair! But now you say he’s getting up and looking for work so I think this reading says this frustration you’re feeling doesn’t have to be a continuing thing if he now really does attack looking for work as if finding a job itself is his job. However it is such a frustrating couple of hexagrams I wonder if it’s a warning that he may discover finding suitable work is still Obstructed - at least for awhile, in which case I think you are being advised to be understanding - but also to expect him to “mold his character” (Wilhelm) into being super helpful and grateful to his partner!!!

 

[Hans_K]

Hi Mylife,

However because of the chilling time he had which I disagreed with, because of the pressure of being the only one covering the expenses, etc, etc I feel annoyed towards him. I start to believe that I might start to resend him (not sure) but I do feel something against him and I m not happy about it.
Maybe is the selfish part of me taking over because I don’t want to be the only one paying the bills and basically maintaining him, but I want to share the financial responsibility with him. And having him partecipate to our finances. Maybe this selfish part of me plays a role in the way I feel and because I don’t want to be the only one working while he does nothing.
But like I said he agreed with me that he received became lazy and complacent and he started to be job hunting active every day.

As Rosada also points out, doesn't the above show exactly H48.2 and H39?
In H48, something is brought up, it is reaching or searching for the source, H39 is the obstacle.
You can think of this as you trying to bring up the obstacle or encountering an obstacle during your attempt. I believe the text of line 2 shows that the attempt does not yield the desired result.

Shooting fishes at the bottom of the well.

Something is happening here that the well is not intended for and besides, the purpose is to draw water and not to catch fish.

The jug is broken and leaks

The fact that the jug is broken means that water cannot be drawn here, the source (cause of the problem ) cannot be reached. You don't have the right tools, the tool to reach the source is damaged.
Translated to your situation, I would see this as that you are currently unable to get to the heart of the situation, the source.

The Image text of H39 says:

...
Thus the superior person reflects on himself
And cultivates his character.

So here is the advice to work on oneself.

The lower trigram Wind in H48 is the invisible. Wind with a moving line at the 2nd position is about emotions that are not expressed (especially anger), its remain invisible but they are a driving force.
Trigram Mountain advises closing long-standing processes so that it gives inner peace.
The combination Wind - Mountain also shows that clear communication is blocked.

I asked the oracle for an advice how can I deal with and how to look at this unemployed situation? I received 48.2-39

Based on your description and the oracle's answer, my interpretation here would be to seek help to get to the root of the problem. There seems to be more going on here (and I think you indirectly indicate this yourself) than just the frustration of a husband taking the time to look for another job.

This would be my interpretation. As always, take what resonates and leave the rest

 

[rosada]

I wonder if 39 might indicate the need for some sort of further schooling or training?

 

[my_key]

Hi Mylife
There is already some excellent feedback given to you about your reading. This interpretation might bring further insight for you. as you make sense of what has happened in your world over the last few months and how best to conduct yourself now and going forward.

I asked the oracle for an advice how can I deal with and how to look at this unemployed situation? I received 48.2-39
I struggle to interpret this answer to my situation and I need some help here.
Many thanks

48 <> 39
'Replenishing' through 'Hardship'

One way you could look at your recent experiences is as providing a setting or background that is conducive to cultivating your inner growth in a way that directs you towards living a more balanced life and one grounded in a higher sense of integrity, honesty and decency. (39 - image)

48 advocates that how you can best deal with the situation is by being supportive of others and to focus on how you can build relationships that are mutually enriching. There is much in your larder that is past its sell by date and the stock items in your store that you hold onto tightly are fast in need of replacing.

48.2 - you are now scraping at the bottom of your reserves. How you are, and have been reacting, is not doing you (or your husband) any favours. Consider the possibility that your recent feelings and experiences are pointing you towards a new perspective: one that embraces a completely fresh concept. There are, perhaps, bigger fish for you to fry than the minnows you are currently choosing to focus your attention on.

... of course, there may be other interpretations that speak more clearly to you.

Good Luck

 

[Mylife]

I really thank all of you for your interpretations.

It helped me on understanding how 48.2-39 describes the situation. And all of you been very helpful.

But I still struggle to grasp the message of how can I deal with this situation. What shall I do, not do. How can I look at it.

Is it telling me to be understandable with him (considering that now he is doing his part of looking for job in more serious way)?

It is about clear communication? Should I talk to him? But I don’t have much to say except expressing anger and making him feel bad (which I don’t want because it is not his fault). I supported him to quit the job, granted he was taking it easy (which I already got angry with him once) and now he is doing his part. And I can’t keep making him feel bad.
Should I be supportive and help where I can?

Is there something else? Like how @Hans_K said “There seems to be more going on here (and I think you indirectly indicate this yourself) than just the frustration of a husband taking the time to look for another job.”
It could be my selfish personality that picks up?
It could be my anger at him because he took it easy and that frustration didn’t go away yet?
I am inclined to say that is a bit of anger +. Bit of selfishness which makes me feel this way.

I really want to make this feeling go or deal with it but not sure what to do.
Complicated no? Haha

Shall I ask another question for an advice of what to do? Or was the 48.2-39 enough?

Thank you everyone

 

[Hans_K]

Is there something else? Like how @Hans_K said “There seems to be more going on here (and I think you indirectly indicate this yourself) than just the frustration of a husband taking the time to look for another job.”
It could be my selfish personality that picks up?
It could be my anger at him because he took it easy and that frustration didn’t go away yet?
I am inclined to say that is a bit of anger +. Bit of selfishness which makes me feel this way.

I wouldn't immediately put a label of "selfish" on it. It is quite possible that this situation and your husband's reaction is triggering something in you, an old pattern, something from your childhood, etc.(e.g. could it be that you feel you are all alone and unsupported? )Have no judgment towards yourself on that.

Shall I ask another question for an advice of what to do?

The question is what you mean by this. Do you mean by this to do something about your husband's situation or your reaction to the situation and his attitude in it.
I believe the text of the Image of H39 answers the latter. The question is whether you should/can do this on your own or if help would be useful. I don't think it's wise to let the frustration fester, as it will go from bad to worse
Of course, it is never wrong to ask another question of the Yi.

 

[my_key]

Hi MyLife

But I still struggle to grasp the message of how can I deal with this situation. What shall I do, not do. How can I look at it.

Rather than grasping at the message telling you exactly how to deal with this situation why not try not grasping and allow the message to float gently towards you. Sometimes the turbulence of grasping at something just pushes it further away.

I really want to make this feeling go or deal with it but not sure what to do.
Complicated no? Haha

Shall I ask another question for an advice of what to do? Or was the 48.2-39 enough?

There are always more questions that can be asked.
Sometimes the further advice that is sought in another question already resides in the answer to the first question, but the turbulence that we create masks or separates us from the wisdom that has already been presented.

Rarely, in my experience, is specific 'Do this and then do that." or "Oh, and by the way don't do that anymore" advice given. If that is what you were hoping to hear from Yi you may well have a long wait in store; irrespective of how many questions you choose to ask.

Yi creates a broad brush picture and it is then up to you paint in the details. At some point you have to make the choices around what to do. However, hard some choices may seem, the level of resistance felt for each can a good rule of thumb. Often the choice with the biggest resonance or the choice with the greatest dissonance are good places to start. The former because it could be low hanging fruit to pick and the latter because this is most likely where the elephant in the room is hiding. The elephant needs to be seen as in the space behind the elephant is where the pot at the end of the rainbow actually resides. Elephants are often the big fish that will eventually need to be fried (45.6).

The nuclear of 48 has as it's root essence hexagram 38 'Diversity' and is where matters are set loose in a specific direction for people wishing to realise their ideal life. 38, in the image, is advocating that 'seeking common ground on major issues while reversing differences on minor ones' is at the core of the wisdom being wafted towards you.

It, therefore, becomes incumbent on you and your husband, and nobody else, to determine what are the major issues and what are the minor issues that exist is both your inner worlds and in the world of your relationship. No one else can tell you both what is wise to do in this situation as no one else really understands what you both see as your ideal life.

What to do? Perhaps, an honesty in sorting the wheat from the chaff is first required and then a focus on the major issues rather than the minor ones would be a good next couple of steps to take towards better dealing with what is really going on here.

Other courses of action are, of course, freely available for you. The choice is yours.

Good Luck

 

[rosada]

Well actually you’ve asked two questions here.
How to look at the situation?
and then
How to deal with the situation?
So first…
How to look at the situation:
48.2 - 39 could be answering how to look at the situation as in “Look at the situation as one where your husband quit a toxic work situation (48.2) and now has been unable to find suitable employment (39) and may need some training before he’s able to move ahead (The superior man turns his attention to himself and molds his character).”
IOW, look at it in a very straight forward sort of way, recognize the simple reality, the dude quit a toxic job and now he’s doing what he can to get work but he’s stuck and it doesn’t move things forward for you to be angry.

Or if these hexagrams are also specifically telling you how to deal with the situation as you look at it this way, then perhaps 48.2 is pointing out how crappy the whole thing is making you feel and 39.Obstruction is pointing out how you don’t like seeing this reaction in yourself and are seeking advice for how to “mold your character.” The hexagram advises that it’s helpful to “see the great man.” Are you so fed up you might need some outside help? Like a marriage counselor or even a divorce lawyer?

But maybe that’s trying to get too many answers off one toss. Maybe you should ask a totally separate new question for how to deal with this.

 

[Mylife]

Do you mean by this to do something about your husband's situation or your reaction to the situation and his attitude in it.

I mean asking for advice for my reaction to the situation and his attitude.

 

[Mylife]

Well actually you’ve asked two questions here.
How to look at the situation?
and then
How to deal with the situation?
So first…
How to look at the situation:
48.2 - 39 could be answering how to look at the situation as in “Look at the situation as one where your husband quit a toxic work situation (48.2) and now has been unable to find suitable employment (39) and may need some training before he’s able to move ahead (The superior man turns his attention to himself and molds his character).”
IOW, look at it in a very straight forward sort of way, recognize the simple reality, the dude quit a toxic job and now he’s doing what he can to get work but he’s stuck and it doesn’t move things forward for you to be angry.

Or if these hexagrams are also specifically telling you how to deal with the situation as you look at it this way, then perhaps 48.2 is pointing out how crappy the whole thing is making you feel and 39.Obstruction is pointing out how you don’t like seeing this reaction in yourself and are seeking advice for how to “mold your character.” The hexagram advises that it’s helpful to “see the great man.” Are you so fed up you might need some outside help? Like a marriage counselor or even a divorce lawyer?

But maybe that’s trying to get too many answers off one toss. Maybe you should ask a totally separate new question for how to deal with this.

This is a great help @rosada thank you very much. It helps me to learn how the oracle advices how to deal with this situation.

Indeed you are right that I did ask 2 Q in one. And I didn’t realise and maybe maybe I god an answer just for one - how to look at the situation. Apparently the answer describes the situation so clearly and this makes me believe the answer is mainly about this.

And probably like you said I need to mold my character in order to deal with this situation. Or maybe ask a clearer Q

Thanks for making me realised that I confused myself by asking 2 Q in one.

You have been very helpful

Thanks